i really don't mind my boyfriend having a couple or so, but any more then that he gets to be a real JERK when he starts to come down. why is this? he will be fine until he starts to come down then he turns into a jekyl and hyde type person. he will say how much he loves me ,then in the next breath yell at the animals, something he rarely does, then he says, lets go to bed, i want to hold you all night, then again say something sarcastic and mean. i don't know what to do, believe it or not i have talked to him about this endlessly and he denies that he acts this way or turns this way, and we end up fighting about it instead cause he thinks i am making it up just to bitch about something, believe me i don't. what can i do? i'm tired of this weekend roller coaster and have thought as much as leaving him and this is only a one night a week event, but believe me it stresses me out so bad that i can't sleep and i always come straight home and try to go to bed without having to deal with him, but easier said then done, if i tell him i don't want to talk to you cause of the way you are acting he gets more defensive and acuses me or all sorts of weird things. help. please. thank you.

[Tony T]

The behavior you have described in your boyfriend is precisely that of an authentic, diagnosed alcoholic. They are almost always in total denial that they have a problem or that their behavior is inappropriate until some event precipitates change. The up and down behavior is EXACTLY what screws up the children of parents who are alcholic. Most likely one or both of his parents, and perhaps even his grandparents, were very heavy drinkers.

Alcohol is a drug. In the process of metabolizing alchohol, the blood sugar goes up and down radically, causing extreme mood shifts. Some people handle it better than others depending on genetic factors and just how their body operates.

To read more about alcoholism, there are links to Alcoholics Annonymous and other organizations on the LoveShack homepage, the first page you came to before you finally got here. Scroll back and look for the links.

When you cease to find compellling reasons why you like this guy, you will find yourself much more at peace and much happier without him. I hope that in picking a lifelong mate and someone who will father and help raise your children in a healthy fashion, you will choose a man with his act together...someone who controls his drinking, smoking, eats the right foods, is communicative, respectful towards you, considerate, etc

Why do you put up with this now anyway??? If you read up on codependence and enabling, you will read about yourself. Staying with this guy, unless is makes a 1000% commitment to quit drinking and go into recovery, will condemn you to years of trauma and misery. Since he doesn't feel he has a problem now, it could be decades, if ever, before he realizes he needs help.

If by some quirk you do marry this guy, be sure to keep a key to your parent's home so you can go there to get away from the guy!!!

I think you should get a tape recorder and tape him one night when he is going on. Make him listen to it the next morning or even a day later. Maybe it will open his eyes to what he is like while under the influence and try to control himself. If not there's not much you can do except leave or put up with it.

i really don't mind my boyfriend having a couple or so, but any more then that he gets to be a real JERK when he starts to come down. why is this? he will be fine until he starts to come down then he turns into a jekyl and hyde type person. he will say how much he loves me ,then in the next breath yell at the animals, something he rarely does, then he says, lets go to bed, i want to hold you all night, then again say something sarcastic and mean. i don't know what to do, believe it or not i have talked to him about this endlessly and he denies that he acts this way or turns this way, and we end up fighting about it instead cause he thinks i am making it up just to bitch about something, believe me i don't. what can i do? i'm tired of this weekend roller coaster and have thought as much as leaving him and this is only a one night a week event, but believe me it stresses me out so bad that i can't sleep and i always come straight home and try to go to bed without having to deal with him, but easier said then done, if i tell him i don't want to talk to you cause of the way you are acting he gets more defensive and acuses me or all sorts of weird things. help. please. thank you.