Like I said in another thead. My friendliness at times is perceived as flirting to men/MM. At work the on friday I am chit chating with one of the guys on the job (we're also friends outside of work). While we were talking 3 men walked by and addressed me ,sort of to the lines like, "hey (alfagrl) have a good weekend." one waved bye as he walked out the door. another excused himself as he interupped our converation to talk to me.
The fellow I was originally talking to makes a comment, "He wants you." I say "Oh pls he's married, they're all married." He looks at me as if I'm some nieve little girl and says "What does that have to do with anything?" I say that wedding band for starters means they're taken and Most importantly I don't date MM.
I took offense to the comment but at the same time it got me thinking; Could the wedding ring be just jewlery to men?
And this was my response to you from the other thread:
Unless the guy you were speaking with has some specific knowledge about how these other guys feel, then I think its all based on what 'HE' feels. And he's projecting "his" feelings onto other men as well. Its makes it very difficult to weed out what the truth really is.
Well to men who have the ability and desire to step outside their marriage, it doesn't mean much (IMO).
I asked my husband to remove his ring. When and if we reconcile completely, we'll get him a new one.
My question is, why did that man assume the other man "wanted" you just because he was friendly and chatted with you? That's a piggish assumption. It bugs me that men jump to conclusions like that. If two men were friendly, would it be assumed that they "wanted" each other?
My question is, why did that man assume the other man "wanted" you just because he was friendly and chatted with you? That's a piggish assumption. It bugs me that men jump to conclusions like that. If two men were friendly, would it be assumed that they "wanted" each other?
Good point. But its obviously a different ball game between the sexes.
A wedding ring doesn't mean you never become attracted to anyone else. We will meet people we are attracted to all our lives; some of them might even be attracted to us as well.
The wedding ring should mean that you don't act on the attraction.
I'm not a man, so maybe my opinion is diff, and even if I were, all men are NOT the same, but in my experience... marriage means a lot less to people now than it did 50 yrs ago...that's for men and women. But men seem to more prone to straying. Also, I'm a young college age female, and I have found that (even w/o flirting w/ men), married men often hit on my friendsd and I. I'm talking 22 yr old married men, 32, and even 50 y/o married men... I guess that experience has caused me to have less faith in marriage, and maybe deep down that's why I'm ok w/ the A...because I don't have to worry about the commitment and worry of marriage. I know it would break my heart to be married to someone who cheats...
Well to men who have the ability and desire to step outside their marriage, it doesn't mean much (IMO).
I asked my husband to remove his ring. When and if we reconcile completely, we'll get him a new one.
My question is, why did that man assume the other man "wanted" you just because he was friendly and chatted with you? That's a piggish assumption. It bugs me that men jump to conclusions like that. If two men were friendly, would it be assumed that they "wanted" each other?
but apparently I've been a topic of discussion amongst them before. which is fine, I would expect my H/BF to look too...I know a wedding ring isn't blinders, but to suggest that if the opportunity presented itself he and a lot of MM would jump on it and I am nieve to think otherwise.
Well to men who have the ability and desire to step outside their marriage, it doesn't mean much (IMO).
I asked my husband to remove his ring. When and if we reconcile completely, we'll get him a new one.
My question is, why did that man assume the other man "wanted" you just because he was friendly and chatted with you? That's a piggish assumption. It bugs me that men jump to conclusions like that. If two men were friendly, would it be assumed that they "wanted" each other?
he made that comment because he wants her and he is jealous!
I agree, marriage doesn't seem to mean as much as it once did. I could easily name off 15 guys at work (who are all married) that i could sleep with if i wanted to. I would never of course, i have my hands full with only one, but that's my point.
I constantly get hit on by MM. Most of them wouldn't know what to do if i actually did say yes (which would never happen).
IMHO, i think that ring is there just to make their W's happy and secure. It really means nothing to half of them, just a piece of jewelry that they are obligated to wear.
Alfa, you are also naive if you think it's only men cheating. Depending on the stats you believe, 50-60 percent of men cheat and 40-some percent of women, and the numbers are growing for women. My husband's OW is married and has been for 25 years.
I don't believe men wear a ring to keep their wives happy and secure. I think they start to wear it because it actually means something. We were madly in love when we got married and that was a sign of our love. He started screwing around and I didn't know. If he took the ring off suddenly, don't you think I'd get suspicious? They wear it b/c they love their wives, initially. The keep it on so they don't open themselves to suspicion.
I think some of you are also confusing flirting with actual cheating. Lots of men flirt with no intention to crawl into bed. Same for women. I think flirting is natrual and harmless, assuming it stays within certain boundaries. Like you said, Still, a lot of those men wouldn't know what to do if you actually tried to get them in the sack.
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They wear it b/c they love their wives, initially. The keep it on so they don't open themselves to suspicion.
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