I suspect my husband, should I tell her husband so he can be aware?
In April I started feeling like something was not right. Husband talked all the time about a girl that works for him. I asked him if he had a crush on her and he denied it. A few weeks later I caught him calling her and lying about it, even going so far as to delete the record of a long phone call to her from his phone. When I saw that I asked why he deleted the call from his phone. After initially denying it, he then said he made the call. (it was on the Cingular site still so it isn't as if he could really deny it was made) he said it must have been deleted from his phone by accident. They stopped calling each other on the phone for a week, then they started calling each other again. Its been a month and he calls her when he is going to work, she calls him in the evening, he sneaks off to call her. I haven't told him I am watching him again, I have been acting as if I am soooo happy.
She is married. When I confronted my husband after the deleted call he asked me not to tell her husband. He claims (she claims) her husband is abusive and will hurt her. Of course my husband and the girl both swear nothing is going on.
The rumor mill has had her tied to at least 4 married men in the last few years. my husband insists that their relationship is strictly a professional relationship, but of the 8 people who report directly to him, she is the only one who calls or is called about 20 times a week.
I already know not to trust him, but should I tell her husband? I don't want to be petty, but if I could get him watch that side, it may be easier to catch them or confirm that nothing is going on.
I would try to collect evidence that there is something going on. If you find that there is, THEN tell her husband. At this point you have nothing but a suspiciously inappropriate friendship, and one deleted phone call. The husband will think you're a bit odd if you contact him. Do your own investigating. It's very likely that your husband is involved with this woman. I've posted a bunch of investigative tips here that worked for me. Let me know if you want a copy and paste. If you go stealth to investigate, be nice to your hubby and make him think all is well / that you are no longer suspicious.
IF you find out there is something going on, definitely let the husband know. No question about that. If she's afraid of being beaten, she can call the freakin' police.
By the way, that "poor me, I'm in an abusive relationship" line is often used by women who are basically begging you not to tell their husbands. It's an old line. It might be true in some cases, but even then -- a) it's not your problem or your fault; and b) again, she can call the police.
He claims (she claims) her husband is abusive and will hurt her. Of course my husband and the girl both swear nothing is going on.
You talk to the OW and tell that if she calls your husband again and you find out about it YOU WILL call her husband.
Trust me, if he was beating her and she's had 4 different affairs with MM, she isn't going to take the chance of him finding out so he can beat her some more. That is a bull**** line she's given your husband so HER husband won't find out.
You tell your husband to end whatever it is that is going on between them, never to see/email or talk to her again. And he MUST go to marriage counselling with you or the marriage is over. I think if your hubby knows what he will lose, he'll hopefully stop.
It isn't petty to talk to your own husband about this! FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE and GET RID OF THE OW.
This morning my husband tells me that he looked on the computer and found that I had been on this site and me looking at this stuff and bugging the car will damage our marriage. I told him that because of his past behavior I don't trust him still and if I watch him and find nothing then what does it matter. It just confirms what he is saying. He said that it (me watching him) will negatively effect our marriage. he is so mad he can spit. This just makes me suspect him more. I confronted him about the three phone calls to her number this past Friday, when we were spending the day together. One time he went for a 15 minute ride on a motorcycle (alone) and he called her then. we went to the mall and after I went to get my nails done, he called her two more times. He said that he only tried to call her because he had a missed call from her on the phone (but there is not one on the phone bill) so I pointed that tidbit out. He didn't have an explaination for that. I told him this is making me really debate ending our marriage and he still keeps talking to her all the time. UGGGGG!
The anger is an indication that he's probably guilty. And when you start trying to change things in a marriage that's working for cheating H, expect that things will get worse before they get better.
Tell him what you expect from him, tell him what the consequences will be if he doesn't do it, and then follow through when he doesn't, praise him when he does.
People who have nothing to hide will hide nothing.
He needs a swift kick in the a$$. Better yet, the balls.
Why are you tolerating his behavior? Sh*t or get off the pot. In other words, make him stop (ultimatum) or decide that you're willing to share him with another woman and deal.
Dump Him And Yes Register A Letter And Send It To Her Husband. Mine Is Doing The Same Thing....hides Phone To Charge Where It Used To Be Out In Open...found Several Text Messages From Each Other And Calling. By The Way They Work In The Same Company. If You Have The Same Cell Serivce..by All Means..hop Online And And Look Through Is Repititve Calls In And Out. He's Is A Liar.......and He's Cheating...get Your Info First Or Catch Them..and Tell Him To **** Off.
I too have been in this situation. Although the women my husband was with was not married. However, the best advise I can give you is, to act like all is well! Do not let on you are suspicious any longer. And the other advice is to take notes on everything and keep them hid. Until you get concrete proof.
If you feel like he has cheated ...he has. It is that crazy instinct we have as women that drive us to searching for evidence...EVEN when we know in our heart of hearts we still need that clear cut evidence. Go with your instinct...if he can lie about this do you think you can really trust him ever? LIfe is too short to live with someone who would do this to you. I can tell you not to drive yourself crazy not looking for evidence but sometimes that evidence is what you need to stop feeling crazy....and you need it as soon as possible because it becomes an obsession. Have a plan for when you do discover some proof because your emotions are going to take over. You are going to be in react mode....
...you will find something that incriminates him. You would not be on here looking for advice if you did not already know that he is cheating. I wish you the best of luck. I understand that insane feelings and the hurt and betrayal that goes along with a cheating partner... YOu will get through this. If you ever need support you know where to look.
If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you appreciate someone telling you about inappropriate behavior with their spouse? She has a right to know. By not telling her you are sending a message that there are no consequences to their actions and are in fact enabling this relationship to grow and continue.
This morning my husband tells me that he looked on the computer and found that I had been on this site and me looking at this stuff and bugging the car will damage our marriage. I told him that because of his past behavior I don't trust him still and if I watch him and find nothing then what does it matter. It just confirms what he is saying. He said that it (me watching him) will negatively effect our marriage. he is so mad he can spit.
That's a pretty good passive-aggressive trait he has there... deflecting blame for impacting the marriage onto you. You're the one whose instincts are screaming at his inappropriate behaviour and he blames you..? Nice.
As Chump says... his responsibility is to you not to HER. He needs clear direction as to what you expect of him.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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