[jessssss]

i've posted several times about issues and have gotten great help from this site. my bf and i have been doing awesome. i am having a problem though...as i've posted a while back my bf will be going on a 2 week trip across the country for work...he's never done this before, a nwe job. he's traveling by himself but will be staying on the same hall as all of the new people that are attending the conferences. i'm so excited for him. he really needs this.

i'm so excited for him and want him to do everythign he can and see everything he can....but i'm sorta sad i'm not going to be able to be with him at all. a whole weekend...he'll be by himself exploring somewhere i've always wanted to go WITH him...he has said over and over he woudl call me and he wouldn't let me worry about him.

he's staying on this hall...all i can do is wonder who all will be on that hall. he has his own room but what about all the other people? i asked if he was going to go out to bars and stuff...he said he didn't know...he doesn't know what to expect...i like to know everything and that is my worst fault along with worrying about other girls throwing themselves at him.

he's awesome. i don't know why he was single when i met him, that kind of awesome, to me. i cant' help but worry about other hot girls around him all the time...he's going to be bored...what is he goin gto do for the weekend...every night...i don't know why i'm doing this to myself. i trust him completely...i dotn' trust the girls...but i also need to look at it who's to say that any hot people will be on his hall.

how am i going to keep myself sane? am i being totally overly protective/jealous?? he leaves in 2 weeks and will be gone for 2 weeks...leaving me at our house alone...for the first time.

another thing let me throw in is we were having a lot of problems prob 2 weeks ago and slowly things are becoming more and more awesome each day. we're communicating more and more (still have a ways to go) but he's giving me my time and time with him and me the same. one stupid thign that came to mind while talking to a gf of mine...she had happen to her...is we've been having problems, granted we are doing so much better, what if he goes there and sees it as me and him are having problems this is his vacation to see if he really watns me...or it's his away time and he deserves it thinking. i honestly odn't think he'd do this but when the thought is planted it's hard not to think about and make up schemes in yoru head.

i'm driving myself crazy...sitting here at work...talking to my gf...thought that yall woudl be able to help. always have.

[Walk]

I can't believe no one posted a reply.

I was thinking about what you posted, and I have some thoughts that might make you feel a bit more comfortable. Hopefully.

If you wanted to ensure he wasn't even tempted by another girl then go out of your way during the rest of his time at home to make sex extra special for him. Prove to him he's got something special at home that he better make damn sure he keeps.

Another thing you should remember is that even if there are good looking girls around, they aren't you. I'm sure you've been out before and have seen a good looking guy. You might think he's cute, but push comes to shove, who would you rather be with? Count on the fact that your bf wants to be with you, no matter what anyone else looks like. And he's not going to do anything to jepordize that.

If you're really feeling insecure, then ask (blatantly) for some reassurance. State it all upfront. Say "I know how great you are and worry someone else will see it too, and I'm feeling insecure and need some hugs and kisses right now." Whatever will sound most honest to you. But don't let the insecurity take over, otherwise you'll smother him with it. A little is okay. It'll make him feel special. Too much will cause the opposite effect.

Make a commitment to a hobby or something to do during the two weeks he's gone. Something you've wanted to do, but haven't had time. Or just something you enjoy doing. Otherwise you'll obsess about him the entire time and utterly hate the next couple weeks. Spend time with family, friends, your dogs. Find fun, even if you have to force yourself to do it at first. It'll make that little voice in the back of his head say "Hey, she's not dying without me around, maybe I better make sure I keep trying to keep her interest." It's essential you do this. It'll help keep your sanity, and give the two of you more to talk about when you do talk. You are still your own person, and that's what made you interesting to him before. Don't lose that because you're depressed he's away.

Maybe you could think of his trip as a recon mission. He's scoping out the best places to take you when the two of you do go there. Just because he'll be there doesn't mean the two of you can't go there together at a later time. It's always different when you take your SO because its with the person you love. You see things differently, experience it differently. So even though he may be going there by himself, it doesn't mean the two of you couldn't go later. But when you do go, you'll know where to go, how to get there, and many of the other things that cause hassles on vacations.

Last point... There will always be someone better looking then you. But there will never be anyone just like you. He's with you for the whole package and not just a body. You have to trust that you are worth it. Have confidence in yourself and who you are.

Worst case scenario. Grab his penis, tell him since you're leasing it for the duration of the relationship, that no other girl better touch it or you're putting the slap down on her.

You have to be confident here that he wouldn't be dating you if he didn't feel as strongly about you as you do about him.

In my current relationship my boyfriend has a job that keeps him away from me for 2 out of every 3 weeks. He goes away to a camp that's just a closely-knit group of guys and lives there for 2 weeks. Whenever they get a break they go to the bar or the strippers or whatever. But I don't worry about him because I have faith that he realizes how good he has it.

It's a probability thing in the end. Why would he trade a 100% chance of being in a happy relationship, at least for the next few months (at the very least right?) for an uncertain chance of maybe being happy and a small chance of it being good enough to start a relationship?

Here's my philosophy with my guy. I am a great person. Right now he sees that and appreciates it. The reality is that there is a possibility that he might change and stop realizing it or appreciating it. It's small, but it's possible. The core of my theory is that anyone who doesn't value me as much or more than I value myself isn't worth my time. And someone who would throw away what I have with my boyfriend now for something as fleeting as a fling isn't worth it.

I've been in some bad relationships, toxic ones where my self-esteem plummeted and I wasn't able to feel this strongly about my value. Getting out of those relationships (as tragic as it felt at the time) was the best thing for me. I know my worth now and expect nothing less from others. But my confidence had to come from inside me. There is nothing he can say or do that will make you trust him completely if you have that seed of doubt. You have to look inside and discover what planted the seed in the first place. Are you insecure that he's "out of your league"? Are you just nervous because you've been cheated on before? Are you having trouble appreciating yourself because you feel undervalued in some other key part of your life? Find it inside you, and take the time while he's gone to fix it. I guarantee that it'll be the best thing that you have ever done for yourself.

Now, if my boyfriend left me, sure I'd be upset. But I would be confident I could move on. I feel strongly that I could spend my life single and be able to to survive (that was a long time before I could say that). My man just enhances my life and, while I'd be sorry to see him go, I know I'll be fine without him. That is why I know that I can trust him, because I trust my ability to place a value on myself. He sees my value, too.

[ashnicole]

If you trust him, then there shouldn't be a reason to worry. If you know that he won't do anything, then girls throwing themselves at him, will do nothing but flatter him, and he'll move along on his way, with you, still as close to his heart as you were when he left.