Okay, say you are a 21 year old girl, who really cares about a co-worker who is in his 40's, has kids, and is married. The thing is, though you have a crush on him, you don't really find him sexually attractive; it is more friendly like, but you look at him as more than JUST friends. Also, he says things to you like, "I can't believe a girl as attractive as you doesn't have a boyfriend." Also, you talk on the phone (while at work) all day, you visit each other during lunch, you borrow each other's movies/books/etc., and he will say something to you very sweet, and then say, "God, I am old enough to be your father." I mean, this guy is really nice, really loves his kids, seems happily married, and you are not having a physical relationship, but it seems just as wrong to be enjoying yourself with him so much.
Okay, so maybe this isn't the kind of "role playing" you were expecting (by the way, that would be a fun thread, wouldn't it?), but I just don't know what I feel for this guy; I have never really felt that way about someone; I mean, I either view a guy as a friend, an aquantance, a stranger, or someone that would be fun to sleep with; this guy I view as a friend, but I also view him as more than that, but not someone that I want to sleep with. I have heard of "emotional affairs," but have always been unsure of their existance. Is that what this is? We really do love eachother's company...
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Spank'n'Rationality
"You can't fix stupid; stupid is forever."-Ron White
Hey, I think what you're experiencing here is a nonsexual crush. You admire the guy and enjoy his company. He enjoys being with you too and maybe doesn't usually get attention from a 21 year old girl. You're providing a break from his hohum married with children life. And maybe he providing you with a glimpse of what that married life would be like with a good guy. I'd continue being friends with him but be cautious. You don't know exactly where his thoughts are going. It could be just friendly for him too but you don't know.
Hey, I think what you're experiencing here is a nonsexual crush. You admire the guy and enjoy his company. He enjoys being with you too and maybe doesn't usually get attention from a 21 year old girl. You're providing a break from his hohum married with children life. And maybe he providing you with a glimpse of what that married life would be like with a good guy. I'd continue being friends with him but be cautious. You don't know exactly where his thoughts are going. It could be just friendly for him too but you don't know.
Yes, I suppose you are right. I mean, not that I would be opposed to sleeping with him if it weren't for the wife and kids bit, I just think of him as a pretty attractive guy whom I adore and whom I admire (as you mentioned). Hahaha, yes, I suppose I am providing a break from his "ho-hum" marriage, and yes, I am glad to know a good and decent man does exist. God, why are good men always unavailable? Grrrrr! Hehehe, oh well, at least I have one as a friend; maybe he can introduce me to some of his friends? Course, I could always wait for his son to hit 18 (he is 9 now), and then I could role play The Graduate with him .
I think the feeling is mutual for him too (merely friends), but I could be wrong. I mean, I think if given the right situation at the right time (or wrong, depending how you look at it), things could happen. But, I seriously doubt it; I don't think he would give up his marriage of twenty years for me, though that is a flattering thought; besides, I wouldn't want him to. Because the reason I like him so much is because of how much I respect him, and I don't think I could respect someone who wouldn't respect their marriage/wife/vows.
So, you don't think it is wrong for us to be friends, even though I am sure his wife doesn't know? I mean, what the heck is an "emotional affair" anyway? I think it sounds like a ploy to force married people to never have single friends . Seriously though, I really would like a definition for "emotional affair;" I read about it so much on here, that I feel as though I should have an understanding of its meaning .
P.S. Actually, there are other 20yr olds who like him. He is pretty attractive, and most the women in the office have a crush on him; it's funny, he told me that most of them frighten him, which is why he would rather call me at work than come visit me. Everytime he does, this one girl that works beside of me comes into my office and starts sniffing him and groaning . It is the creepiest thing, but funny as hell. Also, one woman in the office called and asked him, while I was in his office, if he would just have casual sex with her, and he denied her, so she quit ; that was pretty funny too.
Last edited by Spank'n'Rationality; 14th June 2006 at 2:09 AM..
Forget married men. Forgt about crushes on them. Forget befriending them. Never mind if they're hitting on you, leave them alone. Going down that road will only end in grief.
This smells like an affair waiting to begin. He is trying to catch you in his trap. If you don't fall in it now and if you try to cool your feelings, everything will be OK. But if you surrender to your passion, you'll be in his bed and he'll be in your heart.
one woman in the office called and asked him, while I was in his office, if he would just have casual sex with her, and he denied her, so she quit ; that was pretty funny too.
How do you know he denied her? Maybe he called her later and they did it. Did he say: "No, I am married, I don't cheat on my wife?"
He is a player. Women don't fly around a man like flies around **** if he's that innocent. You're just young and naive. And obviously the best looking girl in the office so he wants to get you together with the rest of the women... unless they are really unattractive in his eyes.
How do you know he denied her? Maybe he called her later and they did it. Did he say: "No, I am married, I don't cheat on my wife?"
He is a player. Women don't fly around a man like flies around **** if he's that innocent. You're just young and naive. And obviously the best looking girl in the office so he wants to get you together with the rest of the women... unless they are really unattractive in his eyes.
I was in his office when it happened, and he had her on speaker phone; he said, "Now (woman's name), you know that I am married, as are you. Why would you even ask that?" To which she responded, "It doesn't have to mean anything, I just want a casual relationship with you." Which he responded, "(woman's name), you seem like a nice person, but why would you ask me? You've never really even spoken to me before." Then she said, "Well, I have always thought you were good-looking, and I thought that you might want to take me up on my offer; it doesn't have to mean anything, you don't have to do anything for me (take me out, or to dinner), just a purely sexual relationship." To which he replied, "I'm sorry (woman's name), but I am happily married, and am not looking for a 'relationship' sexual or otherwise with anyone." She hung up, he looked embarrassed as hell, I laughed, he and I talked about why she would do that, he asked me if I knew that she liked him (which I didn't). The next day, she quit.
And about the other women in the office, he really doesn't care for them; the only other woman he likes there is 30 and is happily married; she is a really good person, as is he. They are friends, but don't really talk very often. He is a really good husband and father, every minute he is not at work (which isn't very often, because we all work 60+ hours a week) he spends with his two children and wife. So, I don't think he is a "player."
Anyway, he is really attractive; believe me, if he wanted casual sex, he could get it from most any of the girls in the office, or most anywhere else if he wanted. He is really not that kind of guy; he has never even touched me in even a "friendly"manner. So, I am not worried about a physical affair, but we have become close emotionally. He calls me ALL the time, and we talk about everything. So, I guess I am just worried that my being friends with him and liking him as more than a friend (though not sexually), is just as bad as having a sexual affair; I mean, that is taking something away from his wife isn't it? I think the only reason he invests that much time into talking to me, is because he (myself included) is ALWAYS at work; he never gets to see his wife.
Just don't sleep with him... but I have a feeling that you will get there.
Hahaha, we'll see. I hope it doesn't get there; I really don't want to get involved with a married man. However, I do like him...a lot. Lord, I don't know...I guess the best thing to do is what feels right, and go on with life, whatever the outcome may be. I want to have a little fun; my whole life has been sheltered and moral, why not sleep with him (that's a retorical question; I obviously know why not...I am just starting to not care)? I mean, if it happens, it happens. It is not right, I feel for the wife, but I want to do something for me damnit! I always worry about other people; I never do what I want! Screw it . *Cartman's voice* I do what I want!
God, this is going to further drag my karma in ****. Oh well, life goes on. I am just having such moral delimma. I mean, I like him a lot, and I know he likes me, but I do think that affairs are wrong. However, I want to experience what life would be like with him, even if it is a fantacy. I don't know.
God, what should I do? Should I just stop talking to him (I would rather not do this)? Or should I just wait and see what happens, and just "go with the flow?"
RarePearl, it sounds like you have experience in this area, what do you think? Have you had an affair? Do you regret it?
I want to have a little fun; my whole life has been sheltered and moral, why not sleep with him (that's a retorical question; I obviously know why not...I am just starting to not care)? I mean, if it happens, it happens. It is not right, I feel for the wife, but I want to do something for me damnit! I always worry about other people; I never do what I want! Screw it
Go read afew threads in the infidelity section. Do a search on Thumbingmyway, DazednConfused, Owl. Go read about their pain and the hell they went through when finding out about their cheating spouses...
You know better, so don't cheat! Don't be selfish! No "I want I want I want" with the MM. HE is NOT yours for taking! THINK of his wife.
So WHAT if he likes you and you like him! Again, he's NOT yours for taking.
Detach yourself from him, don't talk to him about everything in your life. Rely on him less and less...Find yourself a single guy and go from there.
Oh, also, go read more threads in the OW/OM section. Go read some of the pain the OW go through when they're in that situation...
9/10 of them have ALL said, "If only I knew then what I know now...."
Sadly, most have to experience it and make the stupid choice to get involved with a MM and learn the hard way.
I want to have a little fun; my whole life has been sheltered and moral
Yeah. A whole 21 years. Such self-control and denial for so long.
Quote:
I feel for the wife, but I want to do something for me
Well that's the thing. Once upon a time, long ago, people aspired to be good, decent people. That meant sometimes sacrificing what they want (gasp!) for the sake of not harming others.
And maybe they didn't get the temporary pleasure of getting something they wanted (because it only ever provides a temporary pleasure; and as WWIU pointed out, often leads to horrid misery in the case of affairs) but they could look in the mirror and be proud of themselves for not harming others.
But that was long ago. Today nobody cares about anyone else. Being decent is out of fashion.
So let me put it a way which might convince you. You may enjoy a few rolls in the hay with this guy, however think ahead - to holidays he spends with his family and not you, to staying home and never having dates out in case someone sees you together, knowing he still sleeps with his wife, and best of all knowing that if he lies to the woman he promised to love he certainly will lie to you as well. He will not leave his wife - and you will be left with nothing.
Now is a few rolls in the hay really worth all that garbage?
Hahaha, we'll see. I hope it doesn't get there; I really don't want to get involved with a married man. However, I do like him...a lot. Lord, I don't know...I guess the best thing to do is what feels right, and go on with life, whatever the outcome may be. I want to have a little fun; my whole life has been sheltered and moral, why not sleep with him (that's a retorical question; I obviously know why not...I am just starting to not care)? I mean, if it happens, it happens. It is not right, I feel for the wife, but I want to do something for me damnit! I always worry about other people; I never do what I want! Screw it .
You will definitely sleep with him. This is how affairs start. You think it's fun, but you end up broken-hearted. You'll be in the OW's forum very soon crying and venting.
If you're smart, you'll avoid him... nah... you'll get smart when it's too late, just as anyone else on this earth!
You will definitely sleep with him. This is how affairs start. You think it's fun, but you end up broken-hearted. You'll be in the OW's forum very soon crying and venting.
If you're smart, you'll avoid him... nah... you'll get smart when it's too late, just as anyone else on this earth!
So, I take it you had an affair? I won't vent about it if I do; I know the consequences of my actions, and I am willing to accept them. I just hope I can have some self control, but everyday I see him now, I think about sex. Lord, I didn't even think of him that way, until I started writing about it here, now it's on my mind all day . Grrrr, he is so hot...he smells good too...
Contrary to what everyone is telling you spanky, I say go for it! Have your 5/10 minutes of wild sex with him and get each other off, and in return you can have bucket loads of guilt and shame when you find out his wife leaves him, and his son grows up to become a serial cheater and his daughter develops a deep distrust of men, and they all end up hating their father. It just sounds so damn good doesnt it spanky! What are you waiting for???
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Okay, so let's do a little role playing...
Spank'n'Rationality
. 
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. It is the creepiest thing, but funny as hell. Also, one woman in the office called and asked him, while I was in his office, if he would just have casual sex with her, and he denied her, so she quit 
; that was pretty funny too.
. *Cartman's voice* I do what I want! 
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