It's a bit of a story, but I promise it's a good one
I have been with a guy for 5 years. Since I was 15. He went through his 'adolecent male' phase. Involving having a couple of drunken night flings. He did the typical song and dance, the tears, the 'please forgive me', and through much pain, I stayed loyal.
Then he had no choice but to move interstate, we were 'long distance' for a year until I found out he had been seeing another female there. He had since stopped seeing her. But I was torn apart. He had been all I had thought about, night and day and we spoke most every night...
I ended it. He then instantly dropped everything, moving back to me, writing heartfelt songs about me (he is a fairly successful songwriter), calling me, standing outside my house. I was still too in love to be strong enough to say no. So we moved in together, and he was wonderful, the next year was heaven. Then I was diagnosed with stage one cervical cancer, and subsequently fired (I am a journalist and became far too sick at this stage to continue). I became very sad, and the strength I thought I had slowly fell apart. He couldn't handle it, and ended the relationship. I was torn. I felt I had nothing. I was sick and alone. Three weeks later he called me crying saying he was so sorry about everything etc. etc. My worst fears confirmed... he wants me back again
I am too alone and tired to find the strength I so desperately need. I always believed if you didn't want to love someone anymore, you wouldn't. I am good at what I do, I have received a full scholarship for my achievements in journalism, I believe I am attractive and intelligent. I have high self worth, and I am confident in my own skin. I have never been weak, depressed, suicidle or dependent on anyone.
SO WHY CAN'T I KEEP MY HEART AWAY FROM THIS CREEP!?
Because you're partly addicted to the pheromones. Because being with him is a habit - easy and familiar even when painful. Because some people have mastered the art of denial - putting aside all the bad elements of a relationship in order to have what few good elements may exist (settling for crumbs, basically). Because they want to believe they can have what they want - which is the flawed person magically become flawless - and so fall - every time - for the person's story that next time it will be different.
You have to have a serious discussion with yourself and refuse to allow the 'but I waaaaant him' whine rule you. You have to be firm with you. You must realize that his promises have been bogus before so to think they will be honoured ever is pure foolishness.
You can control this by listening to your reason and not your irrational wishes - you know that emotion and reason often don't agree and in this case you have to shove emotion aside and go with reason. Sure it will hurt - but like any addiction, after enough time away from him, the cravings will subside.
its hard when you have been with the same person for a while you just are so comfortable with them and even if your feelings are gone you can't see that they are because you still wanna hang on i was with a girl for 4 years 2 hours long distance pretty much engaged and the past 3 months of are relationship she didn't love me like she once did and she just said goodbye and droped me like i was nothing a broken heart is soo tuff i feel for you keep fighting you seem like a very smart and beautiful girl things will come around for you
I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. Bad move I know. I opened myself up for a lot of pain. The true love of a woman, who couldnt return my feelings helped me change my life for the better about 10 years ago. She taught me to be confident, strong, and protective of my heart. And from that point forward, things have been cool.
I was no longer afraid to be alone. I had girlfriends, I was always in control so to speak.. My heart belonged to me and I became choosy of who I let in.
Fast forward 10 years.. I meet this woman at work. We start hanging out. I still have my armour on. A few months go by. I am still playing it cool. She writes me this freakin letter on valentines day.. absolutely blew me away. The armour was gone. I know the exact minute of that night I fell in love with her. She gave me a picture book telling me how she wanted it filled with the memories of our life. She told me how important i was to her and how much she deeply loved me.
3 months later she calls me at work and informs me her feelings have changed and its over. No explanation.. no reason.. just over.
I putting my heart away again. Its been hurt yet again, and it wont be offered any time soon, especially to someone that does something like that.
I cant stand the thought of her. I dont want her around. Yeah I miss her. I wont lie about that. But the pain she caused me outweighs any desire I have to want to be with her ever again, even as friends... that boat didnt sail, it sank, to the bottom of the ocean..
I have no idea if that helps or not... Im just saying I wouldnt want someone around that cuts bait and runs everytime life gets tough. You deserve better.
Has anyone here overcome their feelings of love with sanity? I would love to hear some practical tips.
It's clear that you love him enough to suspend good judgment in the past, so for you I would say sanity is a bit optimistic.
Practical tips are things that come to you much later, long after you've ignored them, and just in time for you to dole them out to others, who will ignore them in a similar way.
For your situation, though, have you asked him to give you a good reason why you should take him back?
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My signature was flagged for being too long, and I don't have anything shorter to say.
Thanks guys. I informed him that there was far too much pain and neglect for me to recover from and he said he would change his life to make it up to me.
The thing is, I don't want to love him anymore, or be with him, or kiss him, or touch him. If I don't actually want any of this anymore why the hell is it so hard!? I know what's best for me... but my heart, my heart....
he said he would change his life to make it up to me.
Yep - and he's been great about keeping similar promises in the past, right?
Quote:
but my heart, my heart..
Your heart doesn't deserve to be treated like a football.
Foolishly, it clings to the good bits about him and tries to forget the bad. Nobody likes to detach from a person they've loved - but when the person is bad to you and bad for you, you must do it.
Of course you'll miss him, etc etc. You miss people you worked with when you leave a job. You miss your friends when you move. But that doesn't mean that you give up any hope of a healthy or happy life to avoid missing people.
alls a heart does is pump blood through your veins.
I know I have my post on here, but it seems from reading, everyone is so negative, it makes me wonder why they spend so much time on this site anyways..
just **** it, give love a chance no matter what is what I say.
People move on all the time, and thats what makes it not real.
use your brain. Think of the good and the bad. If you are chasing some miserable drunken cheater.. its obvious. If you can make it work then make it work.
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My life is starting to resemble a bad screen play
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