[jessssss]

had a weird night last night and it's carried over to this morning...went out with a couple to a nice restaurant - me and my bf - and we had a wonderful time. some may remember i was having problems with him and we are still working on things but the combo of stress (money/work/everything) really paid a toll on us but we've realized and don't want to let it hurt our relatinship so we're doing great. yay

my problem is last night we went out with a married couple...she's pregnant...it made me start thinking...i'm getting old...she's younger than me and this is their 2nd baby...am i ever going to get married?? me and my bf have talked about it and he even asked if he needed to ask for my hand in marriage from my dad when we went to visit my parents this past weekend!! (this will be my second marriage) so i got in a rutt when we got home...i want to be married and have a baby and be a happy family...i know this man is who i want to spend the rest of my life with...we've been through a lot together and i just know (i knew my other marriage was giogn to fail but that's a whole other story) i'm tired of saying i have a boyfriend...i sound like i'm 16!!

anyone ever felt like this? i don't want to rush things but in a way it sounds like i do. i feel like i'm behind all my friends...everyone is "growing up" but me.

one other problem is i've already ahd a big to-do wedding so i don't want that again and when my bf and i have talked he wants to go away to g et married and have a huge party when we get back. that's great and all but is he doing this for me and am i making his family and friends miss out on what my famiily and friends already got to partake in? i have wedding on my mind...i can't stop thinking about it...i know that it is just a piece of paper but it is also a status...ya know? when i talk to clients and tell them about my bf...how juvenile does that sound?? i've said fiance before just cause i want to be taken seriously...i look really young...get carded for beer still! so for clients to take me seriously i say it...i know it's a me thign so do't bash me.

i just want to be settled in life...i feel like if i'm married i will feel more concrete and i already ahve a house...i feel like i've lost 2 friends becuse i'm not married and in the same part of my life as they are...everyone is leaving me...just cause i'm not as "grown up" as they are. i want to start planning for a baby and a baby shower and ugh...gotta be married first...

sorry for the long post and rambling...just sorting thigns out...stuck in a rutt and it doesn't help that my good ole aunt flo is hanging out today. ugh.

[bab]

jess,
I haven't read your other posts about your relationship, but I did notice a trend in this post. It sounds like you are very interested in being married, almost to the point that it wouldn't matter to who. You make it sound like you want to be married because it is a status symbol, not because of your relationship. I'm a bit worried about that.

I wouldn't worry to much about your bf not getting the big wedding. Women are the ones that tend to desire the big weddings, and guys could careless. If and when the time comes, talk to his mother about what his family is expecting.

[jessssss]

well i just had a reply and lost it...
let me try this again.
sorry i cameo ff the way i did...i was afraid of taht...i can see how it could have been perceived the way you took it. i didn't mean to go off on a tangent about the status thign...oops.
i want to marry this man, and him only. it's just one of those days that everything is running through my mind and i got stopped on that one thing.
oh and i've talked to his sisnlaw and she told me that his mom doesn't mind just a party, she's stated it herself...they can't wait for us to get married but he doesn't let his fam persuade him one bit. so that's not a problem. i just wonder if my parents and his mom will feel deprived of a wedding...he is the baby of his family, the last man to get married...but she said she was fine. ti's just becomign so common these days...but then again it is our wedding, can't always make every single person happy. see...another tangent. sorry just helps to vent and write and get any feedback.

[bab]

I know what you mean about coming off the wrong way. I've done that before.
How long have you been dating?
Again, I wouldn't worry about the wedding. Especially if he's the baby, the family has done this all before, and the know what they'll be missing and they don't have a problem with it than neither should you.