[thekhris]

THE PAST STORY
my 2yr ltr broke up w\me recently and have a new guy and usuall i loose my focus and be came an afc for a while i beg and cry and stuff..she brushesw me off everytime i called.then began study fellow dj's advices and damn it really work...
so after ten days of not calling her(in that ten days my impression to her is still a wuss because that is the last impression she sees in me before i stopped calling her)..i called her and just be polite and indifferent..i said "i just called to have my dvd back that she borrowed from me...i said "im alright now no hard feelings and give my best wishes to her new relationship and project that i was really recovered and told her that im very busy with my friends and im doing ok with my life...she still dont want to hang the phone but i insist that..im going to office and stuff so i can't stay for long chat then i said bye.. i show to her my last impression is indifferent , idont give a fck anymore but never forget to be polite..
so 5 days after that she called(her voice is very sad)...she will give my dvd be back and she wants to meet somplace...i chnged her plans and said i have no time to meet somwhere elese..i told her she can live it to our house....or if Im not in there she just can give it to my brother...and she said ok..
when she arrived to our house i became polite give her drink and stuff and let her rest for a few minutes..i became infifferent with her ..and project that there is no grudges and no hard feelings... she asks how i am and told her that im going out with my friends... and everything is cool.. i can see her eyes are very near to crying and i said i shoould go...we went together in the gate and seperated...
2 days after that she called and she is crying...and her initial words to me..."I miss you"...she keep crying and stuff..and i showed to her that im poloite still cares and try not to be mean to her...try to make her laugh ..but always i always act indifferent.. and give her signs that my time is not for her..because... im going to my friends and stuff..i attempted many times to cut the calls but she refused... and try to be compassionate to her but always try to show to her taht im indifferent..and after a 20minute talk i said i have to leave..she waited me first to hang up..and i said you could called anytime she wants its no prob.. then i hang up..
now this this tis the catch.. i know i should not break down on that call bcoz it will be not challenging for her and i know maybe if i accept her in her initial... whimmpering she could go againts the realtionship in afew days...
bcoz im so easy and i did not imput much trauma to her... and by the way she just said she missed me..and said that how she regret that this happened to us...but she never mentioned that we should try it again or beg for forgiveness..she just dont talk much keep saying how he miss me all and that and cry and cry for the last 20minutes..she is not saying much...
so i think..she is not yet ripe... so i still avoid her and act indifferent bcoz she never mentioned that she wants to try or give another shot for the relationship..or beg for forgiveness.. but she is crying damn hell.. then i cut the call..
its been 5 days since that last call..and she never called me back..and im just waiting for her to do somthing more than just crying... i mean do somthing like begging or begging for forgiveness and beg for give her another chance..
PRESENT
any way i called her up on the six day and asking to give my book who has neil gaiman authograph on it...(but my real intentions are to show to her that im alright and been having fun without her)..bcoz i think i became too polite on that last phonecall and because since i tell her that i miss her too ..i think it gives her satifaction..so i want to take the power back again by showing to her that (i dont give a fck if i loose her)..well she agreed to meet up..
and this is that moment that really gives on how to get back ur ex back but i screw up( i think)..
we meet up and hang on the park we used to hang... i continue to talk about ive been so busy with my friends (and gladly find a new job)... i tell her all the fun times i have with my friends and all the carzy happy things.. i really show to her that im surviving and no hard feelings to what ever happend to us.. and man...she suddenly hug me in my back i told her(hey you shouldnt doing that you have a bf already)..but she just continue hugging on me..i sit beside her and she hugs me continuesly while her head is in my shoulder... well im trying to be polite and all i treat her like a friend so allow her tocontinue hugging me and i continue talking to her like a friend telling her stories like a friend..and all of sudden..she said...
you know what thekhris....
I'M STILL VERY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU ...and she burst out crying..and i play it cool and still drunk my beer...i let her cry on my shoulder and tell her...
WELL IF YOURE VERY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH ME...HOW MANY "VERY's" DO YOU HAVE TO THIS GUY? 3 VERY's? and she laugh and slowly transform to heavy crying...and damn i made the most horroble mistake that tipsy guy could have..
i kissed her lips..she responded so pationately and damn it was a damn hot kiss that last for about 15 minutes on that park... so i thought it was a "go" signal for having her back ..but damn nooooo...
after we kissed... i told her could u look in my eye again and say i love you again...
and she did not do anything and just look to the ground and her face is sad (at this time i realized she is not into "getting us backtogether again" she just realized she still loves me and miss me so much but not into getting back or quiting the guy).. i was bit tipsy and loose my focus... and next thing i know i was pushing her to come back..and she was ignoring me and continue walking ... well i said "why r u so angry?... we meet up coz i want to end this relationship with no hard feelings and your suddenly became rude...she kept her silent and continue walking...
and i said "i was moving on! and letting go ! till you start that i really really love you so much thekhris crap!"and she was like: well move on! dont ever ever call me i will not speak to you for now on!and FORGET THAT I SAID ANYTHING!(im still very very in love with you thekhris)
and she ride the taxi and went home...
its been 10 days since that day..i never called her or do anything contact with her.. but still i want to share this to fellow the good example of not being a challenge and if your doing somthing teknical and strategic to some girl be sure your not drinking beer ..and never loose your focus at the game and the rules..
well lets hope..that seizing contact and ignoring her will still do the trick and i hope even i did not call her or say to her directly i hope she will think that im still doing alright and continue having fun without her...and surviving without her....
so the question do i have still have the chance? did i do evrything right? does ignoring and cutting all contacts with her hew will be enough to make her comeback somday even i tried to push for us getting back together on the last minute?... if your gonna ask if i have done somthing to make her be involved to another guy well ill say it to you with pure honesty that ive been a good bf to her..im not a jerk and not in a rebound relationship... couple of weeks ago before we split were thinking to be married every thing is fine...
so guys what do you think did do everything right? do i still have the chance?will she still contact soon... anything what?

[garnet]

it seems like you're so focused on getting her back that you're not really seeing the whole picture. You really need to take a good clear look at this person and realize how selfish she is being. She left you for another guy, and now she's been leading you on telling you she still loves you, all the while with no plans of leaving her new guy. That is SO disrespectful of you and your feelings. She is only thinking of herself. Are you sure you would want to be with someone like that? It sounds like you were a good boyfriend to her, and I think you deserve to be treated much better.

[destination_unknown]

I'm sorry you have been confused by the girl.

See, like the toast said, its not really about if you do something right or do somemthing wrong. If you have to be inauthentic to yourself in order to get someone back, then when they do come back, you will have to be yourself again sooner or later (otherwise you will be compeltely frustrated and walking on eggshells).

I also think that e-book crap about pretending to be indifferent is a load of codswollop. People can see through that and it REALLY complicates things. I agree, begging and crying is bad for you and bad for your chances of reconciliation, but pretending to feel what you dont feel is counterproductive. Firmly sticking to your principles and calm honesty are much better in my book. They can take it or leave it.

She sounds like she doesnt know what she wants. The only thing you can do is leave her to it. She may want to come back in the future, but you want to do that of her own accord. Completely of her own accord. She isnt going to forget someone she was with for two years. A relationship that long carries memories with it for the rest of our lives.

There really is a fundamental truth when people say dont contact her, she will come back if its right. It happens. You have NO CHOICE but to get on with your life like you have been doing. Dont be waiting for the day she might come back, there is no point in putting your life on hold for someone who may never come back. There really is nothing you can "do" because this is her choice. I do hope things get better for you and you start to feel more at peace moving on with your life without her. It may just be without her for a while, it may be without her forever but with someone else, but you gotta keep moving.

[RealBroken]

Yeah..... as frustrating as it is too......

Murphies law; she come back when you find another love of your life.

Ive hear that happens alot. Funny though....... maybe coz it means your moving forward. who knows.

[thekhris]

ey thanx for that cool advices..just want to ask,,,what is the advatages of seizing contact besides make her miss me and realised my value..and any idea how long will it takes for her to realised this...thanx for the support guys

[destination_unknown]

Hi khris, the most valuable benefit of not contacting her is that YOU get a chance to take a break from all the drama and take stock of what YOU really want for yourself. I know that isnt what you want to hear but just go along with it for awhile and you will start to feel it.

Honey, nobody knows when she will contact you or if she even ever will. Being human, we want to know what is going to happen and when but sadly there are just too many variables. You have to come to accept that you just dont know if she will or wont come back to you. Be at peace with that.

DO the fun things that you were talking about, stewing over your ex is only going to hold up your life. If you put your life on hold it wont make a difference, your ex will come back whether you do or dont if its right so whats the point wasting time feeling sad now?