[rhlovesrs]

Thanks to everyone for their posts, replies, observations and advice.

I am so glad that I found this site and now have an outlet to talk about my situation.

I am in my early 30's. To answer someone's question.

He previously talked about leaving his GF but we have not discussed it lately. To answer someone's else question.

I have to be totally honest and say that this site has been a lifesaver for me, but at the same time I haven't felt so down and depressed in a very very long time. It is my guess that the reality of my situation is being confirmed by you ladies and that is a hard thing to swallow.

I have spent the entire weekend in the house, not moving outside. I have had nothing but time on my hands to think and that has been a good and a bad thing.

I know what I have to do, but I am on a see-saw as to if I am going to do it or not. I know that NC is the way to go and that I do have to move on if I have a chance at getting the life that I deserve - with a full time, loving relationship. This whole thing makes me feel like a child. I am waiting for someone else to make my decisions for me. I have to get passed my feelings and realize that if his feelings were truly the same he would not let me linger and suffer like this. That is a reality that I have come to realize after reading your posts and it is the reality that hurts me deep into my core.

I am drowning right now. I am so sad that it actually physically hurts. My chest feels like it is going to explode. I have always been one to give and love unconditionally. I have always given "love" the first priority in my life and felt that to be blessed with such a feeling it was worth any sacrifices that had to be made. I guess living like that has gotten where I am right now.

How can I get to the place where doing what has to be done, doesn't feel like I am tearing my heart out.

[Jessie61]

Originally Posted by rhlovesrs

I know what I have to do, but I am on a see-saw as to if I am going to do it or not. I know that NC is the way to go and that I do have to move on if I have a chance at getting the life that I deserve - with a full time, loving relationship. This whole thing makes me feel like a child. I am waiting for someone else to make my decisions for me. I have to get passed my feelings and realize that if his feelings were truly the same he would not let me linger and suffer like this. That is a reality that I have come to realize after reading your posts and it is the reality that hurts me deep into my core.

RH,

This is an incredible painful process, but isn't it better than to continue to live in "cloud cooko land " (as I call it when I have a chat with myself!!!)?

You're not a kid anymore (eventhough you acknowledge that you feel like a child sometimes..), you're clever and obviously attractive, so why throw yourself completely at someone else's mercy? You can have a brilliant and happy life! Not just crumbs off someone else's table!

This is a really scary process too, but it is worth it. I mean it is possible that your "MM" would leave for you? No, I am not part of the brigade that would always say that "he will never leave" - sometimes it sounds like a pre-recorded message! - but even though most MM's don't leave, a tiny tiny tiny minority does... I don't know what your MM is likely to do, and I am not going to guess. If he doesn't leave, then at least you will stop wasting more time on this.

BUT you will never know unless and until you give him a reason to decide...