Hi everyone,

I'm now well on the way to finalizing a separation with my girlfriend of 5 years, who wants her independence but says she doesn't want us to end while she does this. I've found out she thinks she'll need 3 months, which to me means it will quite difficult to get back together without either of us being there for each other.

I've been talking to some close and knowledgeable friends, who say that a separation is really just her way of easing out of the relationship. Further, none of them can recall a situation where partners have separated and got back together successfully again.

Is there any hope for us if we do separate?

[Tony T]

In marriage, a separation is a preamble to divorce. If you're just dating, if one of the partners asks for a separation, he/she just doesn't have the guts to break it off right then and there. If one or the other asks for time and space to "find him/herself", they are basically seeking to end the relationship.

So she wants her independence. Did the United States ever desire to reconcile with Great Britain once we gained independence from it?

If someone is happy in a relationship, they don't need a vacation from it.

You're lucky she got this itch before you married her. A lot of people get to this point after three or four years of marriage and a couple of kids so your relationship, married or not, was pretty average and the absence of children makes you a lot better off.

I do think there is hope for the two of you during a separation...if she really does love you and cares about you. But no hope if she doesn't. So there's no loss to you if she doesn't come back.

My vote is with your good friends who are being very honest with you. This is her way of easing on down the road. You've got some great friends...honor and cherish them always.