I was just wondering if there was anyone here whose MM had actually left his wife. If so, are you still together? Was it worth it? How long did it take? Any experiences would be helpful. My apologies if this has been covered before.
On another note, I did give my MM an ultimatum....tell me whether he is staying or leaving by the first weekend in June. (You can see my story under the "Looking for insight" post.) If he still doesn't have an answer for me by then, I'm done. This A has only been going on for 2 months, but it is 2 months too long for me. As of now he says he really doesn't know what he is going to do, or even which way he is leaning more strongly towards. I told him I'm preparing to have my heart broken....he says that's not going to happen, but won't tell me that he is positively leaving either. So we'll see. I doubt that he leaves though. So please send positive thoughts my way that I will have the strength to go NC after this. I know it will be hard as my birthday falls shortly thereafter, and I do not want to spend it alone.
Not yet...still hoping that someday things will go my way. Trying to be patient in the meantime. There have been some success stories on here that I have read. The thing is, most of those people don't come here anymore because they are not needing any more support. I know of two off hand that have success stories. Hope they are doing okay now. There is no way I'm ready to give the ultimatum yet. He is not ready for that either. I am waiting until the timing is right and then I will let him make the decision, not me. I don't want to be the one that forced him into doing something that he was not ready to do for his children's sake. I don't think I would be comfortable with making him make a choice at this point. If you are going to do it, stick with it and don't back down...which will show that you are weak. Be strong and do what you know in your heart is the right decision.
Last edited by scarletletter; 2nd May 2006 at 9:48 PM..
Can a success story be that the other woman or victim actually decides to get out and be free of the insanity? I think that is a great story, not the other. I'm over all of this, and for whatever reason...a bright lightbulb has appeared. Thank you God.
Can a success story be that the other woman or victim actually decides to get out and be free of the insanity? I think that is a great story, not the other. I'm over all of this, and for whatever reason...a bright lightbulb has appeared. Thank you God.
That's a good way to put it I myself am a success story. I got out and stayed out. It just wasn't worth it. The constant pain and heartache was horrible. I know I deserve better.. and I'll one day get it I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than date another MM.
I'd be curious to know if anyone can validate this, but I've been told that the MM who leave the W already "left" her, and had one foot well and clearly out the door. W knew it, he knew it, and meeting another woman merely made his shift gears.
If you MM is not actively ending his marriage before he met you, there's almost a guaranteed outcome he won't end it for you. I may be wrong, but that's my understanding.
I'd be curious to know if anyone can validate this, but I've been told that the MM who leave the W already "left" her, and had one foot well and clearly out the door. W knew it, he knew it, and meeting another woman merely made his shift gears.
If you MM is not actively ending his marriage before he met you, there's almost a guaranteed outcome he won't end it for you. I may be wrong, but that's my understanding.
I was just wondering if there was anyone here whose MM had actually left his wife. If so, are you still together? Was it worth it? How long did it take? Any experiences would be helpful. My apologies if this has been covered before.
On another note, I did give my MM an ultimatum....tell me whether he is staying or leaving by the first weekend in June. (You can see my story under the "Looking for insight" post.) If he still doesn't have an answer for me by then, I'm done. This A has only been going on for 2 months, but it is 2 months too long for me. As of now he says he really doesn't know what he is going to do, or even which way he is leaning more strongly towards. I told him I'm preparing to have my heart broken....he says that's not going to happen, but won't tell me that he is positively leaving either. So we'll see. I doubt that he leaves though. So please send positive thoughts my way that I will have the strength to go NC after this. I know it will be hard as my birthday falls shortly thereafter, and I do not want to spend it alone.
Beautiful Life,
I think that Scarletletter is right, the success stories are probably off enjoying their lives and they don't need to post here anymore!!!
OK, seriously, I have read a handful of "success stories" here, and I know from my circle of friends of one where the MM was seriously unhappy for years, then he met this OW which was the catalyst to leaving the M; in other words the M was dead before OW entered the scene and the M was just waiting to be buried officially. 10 years later he and the OW are still together and very happy with a young child together.
Now, I am not so stupid to think that most MM's are geniuine and that most of them leave. Quite the opposite; I think that most of them probably have no intention whatsoever of doing anything except staying the eternal cake eater, BUT they are not all the same.
After 2 years, MM and I have agreed a deadline. He has to leave his W before a certain date. If he doesn't, then I am gone forever even if he does end up leaving his wife in the end. He is currently making arrangements; he has organised accomodation, told his parents and a few friends and he has now told the wife that he is leaving.
Yes, he could still get cold feet in the last second, but if he does, then I will bid him farewell. Why? I cannot accept this situation to go on indefinitively. He can decide for himself what he wants to do (and I do understand his agony about the kids) but at the end of the day I have to look after myself once I have given him more than enough time and space to decide for himself what to do, and he will have to accept the consequences of his choices.
Am I petrified about how things will end? Yes, of course I am, but I am equally determined to walk away if he lets me down.
I think a TRUE success story is where the A ends; either by it turning it into a relationship out in the open OR where the OW/OM walks away and never looks back... There is nothing more degrading than an A, and that includes the W, OW/OM, H and the kids (if any).
... I did give my MM an ultimatum....tell me whether he is staying or leaving by the first weekend in June... If he still doesn't have an answer for me by then, I'm done. This A has only been going on for 2 months, but it is 2 months too long for me. As of now he says he really doesn't know what he is going to do, or even which way he is leaning more strongly towards.
I've just (5-6 days ago) gone NC with my MM. We had been together 2 years (first year was online only). It has been painful. Extremely. We had got to the point where he was saying he was going to tell her, and then not telling her, day-in day-out. I couldn't stand it any longer, and he said that my being supportive was making it easy for him not to do it. So we went NC last Thursday.
He can call me if he tells her he's leaving. Otherwise, he's out of my life and the A is over either way.
My MM said, the last time we spoke, that he was nearer to leaving 2 years ago, before we got involved than he has felt recently. He said that is because I make him feel good, I'm patient, understanding about his children... and (between the lines) I have made it easy for him to be in his M.
And this is a man who loves me as much as one person can love another.
I think yours was the thread I wrote in that you should stop all intimacy and private conversation with your MM immediately. Tell him you'll date him when he's separated. THEN see what he will do. I'm telling you this because of my experience. If you continue an A with him, and "wait and see" what he'll do... he will DO NOTHING.
I was just wondering if there was anyone here whose MM had actually left his wife. If so, are you still together? Was it worth it? How long did it take? Any experiences would be helpful. My apologies if this has been covered before.
The only poster here at LS that I can think of who's seems successful in a post-affair marriage is Old Europe. You might try using the search tool to find her posts.
The odds on these relationships are against you, only about 3% from what I've read....but she seems to have worked it out okay.
The only poster here at LS that I can think of who's seems successful in a post-affair marriage is Old Europe. You might try using the search tool to find her posts.
The odds on these relationships are against you, only about 3% from what I've read....but she seems to have worked it out okay.
She was different than most I've read though. From what I remember, he had one foot out the door already. I believe they both went through quite abit of counseling too..
She was different than most I've read though. From what I remember, he had one foot out the door already. I believe they both went through quite abit of counseling too..
For a success reported recently there was the poster called Karis. But in her initial posts everyone commented that it sounded like MM had one foot out the door.
For a success reported recently there was the poster called Karis. But in her initial posts everyone commented that it sounded like MM had one foot out the door.
That's right.. I forgot about her. I didn't really follow her story too much though.
She was different than most I've read though. From what I remember, he had one foot out the door already. I believe they both went through quite abit of counseling too..
I think what made Old Europe memorable and "different" for me was her attitude. There seemed a strength of personality in the way she handled her situation. The attitude was, 'This is MY life, and I'm not going to stand idly by while other people f*ck it up.' She took control of it and stayed in the driver's seat, IMO.
And I think it might truly bear out that if a MM doesn't have "one foot out the door", he's not leaving. If memory serves, her take on it was that if he can't get it done in six months or less...he's not likely to get it done at all.
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..... they are out there but they are the extreme exception and not the rule.. even though the MM would rather you believe the opposite
I myself am a success story. I got out and stayed out. It just wasn't worth it. The constant pain and heartache was horrible. I know I deserve better.. and I'll one day get it 
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