[jessssss]

my bf and i have been communicating really well the last couple days...after our little fight. anyways, i just talked to him and we were having a great phone convo...i'm writing this post to see if anyone knows waht i mean, i probably am taking it way out of context but i'm irritated. i'm sure he didn't mean anything by it but STILL...okay, we were talking about what we were doing after work.

our friend always comes over after work on fridays to have a few beers. the past 2 fridays i didn't want to so i went shopping while they hung out. when i just talked to my bf he asked if i would be around to drink beer, that the guy was wanting to know. so i said "why, cause it's my bday?!" ya know, thinking he'd laugh and say of course or soemthing like that...instead he said "uh no, cause it's friday" (my bday is sunday, i just like to stretch it out!) soooo i didn't say anything after he said that and then a sec or two later he said "gotta ruin everything"...wtf?!?! ruining cause i was joking about us celebrating my bday and it's not for 2 days!! after he said i "ruin EVERYTHING" i just sat there and i guess he could tell i was mad so he just said "well i'll talk to you later" and i just said okay. normally i try to fight back with the "i'll talk to you later" but thsi time i just said okay and we hung up. wtf?! i ruin everything....i do'tn get it...i'm afraid i'm going to ahve an awful weekend now...it's like h'es in a pissy mood...ugh....just had to vent a little about it...anyone have any pointers?

please don't bash me...i'm sure i'm overreacting and it's petty but damn it it's the start of my bday weekend and it starts at 4...he's going to already pull some mean ass thing...sorry. thanks yall.

[Walk]

hmm... I have to side with you on this one.. I'm really having a hard time figuring out how your comment would be antagonizing to him. Do you think he feels like you were trying to remind him of your birthday? Like you were implying he forgot or something? That might cause someone to be upset...

My other thought on this... I'm kind of wondering if he isn't feeling like you need to be center of attention. (I'm not saying you are, only wondering if that's how he's feeling.) If so, then he might take your comment/joke as a way to turn his evening with his friend into something for you again. So he may see this not as the innocent joke it was meant as, but as a manipulative way of redirecting the attention back onto you. In which case he may feel controlled, or that you're taking too much from him.

I'd suggest calling him back and explaining right away that you didn't make the joke as an attempt to remind him of your bday, that you knew he didn't forget. And that you weren't trying to make it all about you, but you're really excited about your bday coming up. Sometimes a pre-emptive strike works to break the argument from becoming full blown later.

Sometimes it back fires too, so if you really don't feel comfortable with it, then find something you're more comfortable with. Either ask him what about the statement made him so upset, or wait and see how he is later that day. I vote for the pre-emptive strike since it seems many of your problems are related to miscommunications.

[jessssss]

yes, all our problems are coming from communication but we have extremely gotten better at it. until now...

it's a little late now to call back and ask him about it, it's been over an hour and he gets over thigns pretty quickly. i'll just let it lie and not call him. i'll see him in 30 mins and hopefully he'll be in a fine mood. i guess i woudl have done the same thing if it was himsaying it...just like you said, he prob saw it as i was trying to take over and i'm really not but i would have seen it that way had hte roles been reversed...just cause.

i'm going to let it die out and hopefully we'll both be over it since it really isn't anything significant. if it was normally he would have called or if he is really pissed off abut it he won't be home when i got to lunch--i don't want to make matters worse by calling him and not being able to talk much since i'm at work and that making it worse

thanks for your advice, it's good to hear someone else's opinions-helps put mine into perspective