[Wicked Wanda]

For the last 20 years, I've had an on again, off again relationsihp with a married man. Within the last year, he has started travelling more to the states, supposedly for work, but I believe that he has found someone else as he is spending more time there, is calling less and has no interest in sex. He claims he will still call and see me but I doubt it.

Breaking up is inevitable - once again bit it's my turn this time. I was thinking of making it permanent this time in calling his wife and telling her of our relationship...

Is that being too pathetic even though it would get the message through to Blair that my life is no longer his revolving door.....

[aleatoryd]

I think it depends on your motivation. If you want to reveal to the wife what her husbands like and you are doing it for her sake and want to tell her how bad you feel and that he's used her then fine. If you are doing it out of vindictive "woman scorned" anger I don't think that's healthy of nice. Then again I don't agree with him cheating in the first place. It's up to you what you do because only you know how you feel.

The fact that you are posting on LS suggests to me that you actually want to think through your decision. Just remember the consequences of your actions. Does his wife suspect? Have you threatened him with revealing it to his wife? Would she believe it or would she think/or he say that you are lying? Finally - are you friends with both of them or just him.

You need to decide whether it matters if this guy Blair knows you don't care. Just remember scorched earth is burned - there's no going back. I wish you luck whatever you decide - do what you have to do for yourself and I hope you get closure.

[Wicked Wanda]

I was not their friend. I had placed an ad for a companion and he answered saying he was "bored". It was not too long after we started seeing each other that I found out who she was only because I took the same bus to work as she did.

She already knows what he is like. He left her for about a year for someone who gave him everything he wanted and everything he needed. Even though she took him back, she did not forgive him. Otherwise he would not have looked elsewhere to relieve his boredom. I believe that she thinks that she has him on a short leash when in fact he's been an alleycat for a good 20 years. I have not told him that I was thinking of doing this and I am sure that she would believe it even if I did not provide her with the evidence.

Unfortunately, Blair also knows that I care and is counting on my silence as he had in the past.

His father had married 4 times and he always said that he did not want to become his dad. I think he is worse. He has been too much of a coward. He cannot face his W and deal with the fact that she no longer makes him happy. But, as one friend told me, he has a lot to lose if they do split... a house in the city, a house in the country, etc...

Life isn't easy.... sigh....

[aleatoryd]

Sounds complicated I hope you come out this okay. Only you know if it's right to break them up. It sounds like they are well suited to each other if he plays the field and she doesn't care. Doesn't make things right. Just kind of makes me think you should get as far away from the situation as soon as you can. Easier said than done if you have feelings. Just be strong about it and make a decision either way... far too easy to just be submissive and let the guy get away with having a hold over you. Make the change now and I'm sure you'll feel better for it.