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To commit or not commit


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Old 25th April 2006, 4:28 AM   #1
black_cat1985
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Lightbulb To commit or not commit

My boy friend and I have been together 6 months and known each other 4 years and crushed on each other three of those four years. A part of me wants to propose to him and part of me is telling me to wait. I love him with all of my heart and I know he is the one. I mean I met him and all others faded into the background...I mean I got propositioned by a married man and I said no...b/c I had my baby. Can someone help me here? Should I propose or talk to him about wanting to get married? And if its talk to him about marriage how can I go about it in a delecate way in order not to freak him out?:confu sed:
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Old 25th April 2006, 4:44 AM   #2
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If the "1985" part of your name is your birthyear and you're only 20 or 21, combined with the fact that you've only been with your boyfriend for 6 months, I think getting engaged would be a huge mistake. Here are the reasons why:

1. At your age (assuming you're 20 or 21), you're still going to change quite a bit. Although you and your boyfriend might get along great now, there's no guarantee you'll continue to do so a few years from now.

2. 6 months is way too soon. The honeymoon period can last anywhere from a couple months up to a year. This means you might still be right in the middle of your honeymoon period and you haven't actually dealt with real relationship issues yet. It's only after the honeymoon period is over that you start to solve personality conflicts and establish a longer-lasting relationship.

3. Turning down a married man because of your boyfriend just isn't that impressive. That's like if I said, "I turned down an annoying bitch with a busted face and body because of my girlfriend." It doesn't say too much.

There's no rush ito get married. What would be so wrong with waiting a couple years and getting engaged then if you still feel the way you do now?
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Old 25th April 2006, 4:56 AM   #3
tikigods
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I say never get engaged till you are sure you are going to plan the wedding within a year (or even sometimes close to two) and you have been together for at least a year
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Old 25th April 2006, 7:41 AM   #4
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Maddog has some good advice here.... it's too soon. Both in your relationship, and in your life.
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Old 25th April 2006, 8:31 AM   #5
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Uhhhh

Did no one see where she said that he and her had been friends for 4 years? Don't you think that they are over the honeymoon period? They crushed on each other for 3 years and it took them this long to make a commitment I think she should go ahead with what her heart and soul tell her that is right.
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Old 25th April 2006, 11:43 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by black_cat1985
My friend and I have been together 6 months and known each other 4 years and crushed on each other three of those four years. A part of me wants to propose to him and part of me is telling me to wait. I love him with all of my heart and I know he is the one. I mean I met him and all others faded into the background...I mean I got propositioned by a married man and I said no...b/c I had my baby. Can someone help me here? Should I propose or talk to him about wanting to get married? And if its talk to him about marriage how can I go about it in a delecate way in order not to freak him out?:confu sed:
I think you're mixing commitment with marriage.

What you're describing: turning down other guys because of him, love after 6 months, others fading away are just signs of a desire to be in a committed relationship. Marriage is soooooooooooooo much more than that. Oh, if you were married for one week, you'd know how complicated marriages are and how much strength, wisdom, and tolerance they ought to comprise.
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Old 25th April 2006, 12:58 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MadDog
If the "1985" part of your name is your birthyear and you're only 20 or 21, combined with the fact that you've only been with your boyfriend for 6 months, I think getting engaged would be a huge mistake. Here are the reasons why:

1. At your age (assuming you're 20 or 21), you're still going to change quite a bit. Although you and your boyfriend might get along great now, there's no guarantee you'll continue to do so a few years from now.

2. 6 months is way too soon. The honeymoon period can last anywhere from a couple months up to a year. This means you might still be right in the middle of your honeymoon period and you haven't actually dealt with real relationship issues yet. It's only after the honeymoon period is over that you start to solve personality conflicts and establish a longer-lasting relationship.

3. Turning down a married man because of your boyfriend just isn't that impressive. That's like if I said, "I turned down an annoying bitch with a busted face and body because of my girlfriend." It doesn't say too much.

There's no rush ito get married. What would be so wrong with waiting a couple years and getting engaged then if you still feel the way you do now?
Great Advice!! I wish most men where this smart and honest

When people are young and in love they see the world in a different way. A marriage is a huge commitment that involves a lot of responsabilities.Getting married is easy. Staying happily married is the challenge. Enjoy being in love and give it time. Dont rush anything.When the time is right he will propose.
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Old 26th April 2006, 10:05 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MadDog
3. Turning down a married man because of your boyfriend just isn't that impressive. That's like if I said, "I turned down an annoying bitch with a busted face and body because of my girlfriend." It doesn't say too much.
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Well put. That really was the first time I've laughed today. Thanks.
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