Now, I have always been a firm believer in platonic friendship, however as I get older I am beginning to wonder if they really exist. (and I thought it was supposed to be the other way around!) As it so happens I have a number of male friends (actually they probably outnumber my female ones) and there was a time when I thought they all thought (and felt I suppose) the same as I did about the relationships I have with them.

However it was a while ago now that my boyfriend began to totally and utterly crack it because he said that all my friends were always trying to pick me up. I told him that he was just being stupid and paranoid but tried to pay it more notice nevertheless. It was then that not too long ago I found out that one of my closest friends has had a crush on me for a long time, that another one wanted to kiss me, that a another one wanted was always flirting with me etc...etc...

Anyway now I have started to take a lot of notice and am not certain, but think that there may be a few more of them who do like me in more than a 'just friends' way. I don't know what to do because for one I have a boyfriend and he just hates it that my friends like me like that, then secondly I don't want to lead any of them on in anyway and in doing so, hurt them. I mean, where the hell am I going so wrong? Is it me? Am I giving them some kind of signals that are leading them to believe that we will be more than friends some day? I am certain it is not my friends, I have great friends and you can't help the way you feel, so I figure I must be encouraging this. Do you think so?

Even though I don't really think it is so, people say that I'm quite attractive (don't mean to sound vain at all, hope it doesn't come across that way). And although I don't believe that this alone would cause my friends to start thinking of me as more than just a friend there is another problem. My boyfriend says that I am quite flirtacious, however it is totally unintentional. I'm not too sure about all this but he tells me that I give the wrong impression because I keep eye contact whilst talking (which I thought was just courtesy) and laugh and smile a lot when talking to them too. I mean I thought they were pretty simple conversational kind of things but my boyfriend assures me that my friends are mis-interpreting these things as interest on my part. Do you think that these things can be classified as flirting? Am I leading my friends on?

I think it is quite evident by this post that I have little to no clues, so any advice, any answers to any of these questions would be appreciated. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read it, even though it is a little long!

You are not doing anything wrong. You are not giving out any signals intentionally. You are not leading them to believe anything. Men's imaginations can run wild around a beautiful woman.

You are an attractive, outgoing lady who happens to be naturally very friendly.

There are a number of things that can happen in these instances. First, a guy can start out being your platonic friend and then develop feelings for you beyond that. Sometimes, there is just no way to stop that.

Second, some guys who are interested in you may just try to come in the back door as your "friend" and stand by until something happens between you and your boyfriend and, at that time, they can attempt to move in so to speak.

Third, you obviously meet great needs in these friends, some of whom may be very genuine. Some may have the need to be seen with a beautiful woman to pump up their self esteem or to show off to others. Some may truly enjoy doing things with you but there is always that male/female thing going on in the background. You sound like a person who is truly fun to be with and all people are drawn to that.

You have absolutely nothing to do with this at all. Your friendliness and kind gestures may be misinterpreted but I wouldn't change the way you are. You need to be very assertive from the outset of your friendships and renew this at intervals but make it clear that you are absolutely for all time not interested in anything more than being friends with these guys. You can do this in a very kind way, in the course of normal conversation. But it needs to be said.

I usually feel these things should be worked out but in your case I would recommend that if you find one of your friends likes you more than as just a friend, if you are not interested, send him on vacation for a while. You really need to do this to keep your sanity.

You may also want to do some housecleaning and terminate friendships with all males that you feel are interested in more than friendship. In those cases, it is actually a lie because they are representing to you that they want to be friends when they really want a lot more. Since these aren't genuine friendships, there is no loss to you. There may be some pain on both sides temporarilly but you will spare lots more down the line.

This is a very common problem and discussed often on this forum. Male-female friendships can be extremely fulfilling and give great and varied life perspectives to both parties to the friendship. But if allowed to get out of hand, there are major problems to deal with that you simply don't need.

Your boyfriend may very well be right about some of your traits, which seem to be flirtatious. You may need to take inventory of what he says and make some minor modifications. However, if you let your male friends know not to misinterpret these as genuine flirtations, you may be OK. Eye contact is a positive trait right along with laughing and smiling. There are a lot of men who are just plain insane and could easily misinterpret that as an interest on your part. If they do, just ditch them. They aren't worth your time.

I truly understand your plight. You shouldn't have to pay for your beauty, kindness, and genuine sincerity by having to deal with these problems.

As long as you choose to have male friends, you will have to deal with this from time to time. Just no getting out of it. Though they can enrich your life they can also be a pain in the butt.

I have fallen for several lady friends myself in the past. But I have kept it to myself, even with the ones that weren't seeing someone, in order to preserve the friendship. There are just so many ladies to fall in love with, I always figured I could love my friends in whatever way plus have a normal romantic relationship as well and that has always worked for me.

You sound sharp enough to pick a great boyfriend so I would advise you to have a heart to heart discussion with your guy, if it is truly serious. Discuss this problem with him and work out plans to deal with it. I think he needs to be part of the action here because he is affected and can hardly be blamed for his feelings. He would be pretty nuts if he stood by while your "friends" tried to steal you away. Make it clear to him that you are not interested in them in more than a friendship way.

Your boyfriend may not understand your desire to have male friends. There are a lot of men who simply cannot be friends with a lady unless there is much more. Make sure your boyfriend understands why you enjoy male friends and what you get from those friendships. Once you have your strategy for dealing with this mapped out, let your boyfriend know exactly how you will proceed from this point on so he will totally understand the program.

Again, you are not doing anything wrong at all. You are just being yourself and guys simply gravitate to the type of person you are. Consider it a great compliment even though it is a problem for you.

I beg you to stay kind, continue to be receptive to male friends, but be assertive as to the direction you insist the friendships go and modify some of the flirtatious behaviors.

Frankly, I think your boyfriend is quite a lucky guy (and, no, I'm not trying to pick you up.)

Thanks a lot for that. You've put forward lots of good points and I think that I will try my hardest to put them into action. Hopefully since these tips are from a male perspective they may work. I guess I do know that platonic friendships exist, it's just that sometimes some of them are a little bit confusing and somewhat dodgy!!! Anyway, thanks heaps for taking the time out to reply to my post. I see that nowadays you actually do a lot of the reply. I'm sure everyone is as grateful as I am!