[LondonBoy]

Hey guys,

I'm looking for a bit of advice. In December my girlfriend of four years decided to break things off very abruptly because she felt that we had moved apart, become less devoted to one another, the spark had gone, and perhaps that she had fallen out of love with me. We'd had a very tough year, with my grandmother and my father dying suddenly within a month of one another, myself moving back home (we had lived together for two years) to help my mother and brother get over things, us both trying to finish up at grad school and starting highly pressurised jobs. Somehow we were almost just too busy and stressed to be in a relationship.

I've spent the last four months with virtually no contact and I have been spending my time in the sort of activities that one should take part in after a break up - I've been going to the gym, seeing friends I have neglected, spending lots of time thinking about why things went wrong and trying to improve myself. My ex made some very strong and hurtful remarks to me when we were breaking up and I never really entertained the thought that we could get back together.

I don't know why I did this, but early last week one lunchtime I decided to give her a call, and to my surprise she was very happy to hear from me. She's away on a business trip currently but is returning on Tuesday and said that she's interested in seeing if we can give things another go, and wants to meet up this coming weekend.

I was delighted to hear all this because I still love her deeply and want to spend my life with her, and I feel that I'm willing to risk getting hurt again for another chance. But some advice would be great: what can you guys suggest for our first meeting? Should I suggest that we go out and do something fun, or go for a meal or some drinks, or just meet and talk about where to go from here (there is a *lot* to talk about)? I don't want to be in this relationship again if things will be unhappy, but what can I do to maximise the chances of success?

Thanks very much in anticipation of some helpful replies...

[CaliGuy]

please please please please please please please please

READ MY GUIDE TO SECOND CHANCES.

Find out what has changed with her and with you before you proceed.
Take it slow. You should be starting all over again.
Avoid old ruts/habits with her.

When you reconcile you should treat her like a new person and try and learn everything you can about her, being cautious (not overly so) before you dive right back in.

If you try and pick up where you left off you'll end up with the same result.

[LondonBoy]

Hey caliguy

Thanks for your reply. I have read your suggestions before - since we broke up I've been following the advice of you guys on here and I am now a loyal disciple Should I suggest that she reads it too?

[johan]

Originally Posted by CaliGuy

please please please please please please please please

READ MY GUIDE TO SECOND CHANCES.

Have you considered getting your guide published? It must be quite a guide.

[Sand&Water]

Originally Posted by LondonBoy

Hey caliguy

Thanks for your reply. I have read your suggestions before - since we broke up I've been following the advice of you guys on here and I am now a loyal disciple Should I suggest that she reads it too?

No. It's a guide for a reason. She doesn't need it.

Originally Posted by johan

Have you considered getting your guide published? It must be quite a guide.

Nah

And don't let her read it. She's not the one who needs it