Last night i got a phone call from my ex about 1:00am. He was telling me how upset and low he has been and that he looks at my pictures all the time and thinks about me all the time and has been missing me loads wanting to phone me to hear my voice etc etc...
Now doesn't it sound like i broke his heart and dumped him??????
Nope...he dumped me twice!!!!
Reasons being - He works all the time and doesn't have enough time to give me and also the connection/spark had gone and that means more effort needs to be made but he could put in anymore effort than he already was with work and everything going on.
Basically underneath all that at the end of the day he thinks alot of me but not enough to be with me. He's a very self centered guy at times....all about him him him and his life.
So when i finally got the reasons for breaking up with me out of him after he'd been really nasty and snapping at me alot i thought to myself why the hell is he snapping at me like this...why is he being so nasty...do i really want to have to put up with being treated like this by him in the future?
So i cooled off....a hell of alot...avoided msn and didn't contact him at all... a few days later...i get an email...then i get a text...then i find a comment from him on my profile...then i get a phone call...last night. I'm starting to feel like i dumped him!!!
He out of the blue said he hadn't changed his mind about the whole breaking up thing because he still thinks it was the right thing to do....i hadnt even asked him if he'd changed his mind...because even if he did i dont want him back!
I keep getting scared when he tries to talk to me and when he tries to arrange us meetin up i feel i dont want to because im scared but i don't know what of....it's weird..
What a psycho. He's just a brat addicted to drama. Walk away. That high school nonsense is a WASTE of time and energy.
__________________
I do not feel obligated to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reasons, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I dunno, I disagree. Just because you end a relationship doesn't mean you don't care about the person you end the relationship with, nor does that mean that your feelings are already dried up.
It just means that ultimately you realize that there is something that does not and will never jive between the two of you. Bad chemistry, whatever.
And just because you end a relationship doesn't mean you don't miss what you had, but you just know what has to be done.
Life isn't like the movies. Sometimes things don't work out for whatever reason, but the older you get the more you realize -- love is not what makes relationships work. It takes a lot more than that.
__________________
This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.
There are usually residual feelings, there's nothing wrong in that. But why is he still calling her? Just to tell her, yeah, just an update, still don't want to be with you! It seems cruel. Plus there is rarely a good reason to call someone at 1 am in the morning.
There are usually residual feelings, there's nothing wrong in that. But why is he still calling her? Just to tell her, yeah, just an update, still don't want to be with you! It seems cruel. Plus there is rarely a good reason to call someone at 1 am in the morning.
Alcohol. Isn't a good reason, but I can see how it would happen.
I've had conversations like that with ex's. Usually they called me, or I was returning a call from them. Where I was like, hey, I still love you. But we both know how our relationship is, and how we are to each other. It jsut sucks.
Especially if that SO was your best friend for a long time and you're used to confiding in them.
I'm just offering a different perspective, that's all.
Alcohol. Isn't a good reason, but I can see how it would happen.
I've had conversations like that with ex's. Usually they called me, or I was returning a call from them. Where I was like, hey, I still love you. But we both know how our relationship is, and how we are to each other. It jsut sucks.
Especially if that SO was your best friend for a long time and you're used to confiding in them.
I'm just offering a different perspective, that's all.
That's very true. I've done my share of drunk dialing, for sure!
Yeah things weren't working between us, he works all the time and after the spark/connection/honeymoon period (whatever you want to call it) goes normally after the first few month then it takes that extra bit of effort from both partners to make things work and keep the flame alive but...i was the only one putting any effort in because he couldnt with all his work then he took on extra work and slowly its squeezed me out of his life!...i was getting depressed thinking he was no longer attracted to me found me boring and i had put on a little weight etc i was just miserable all the time begging for his time and attention....but now i feel kinda free and happier!
But why is he ringing me and telling me all these things about him missing me etc????? Is he looking for a responce like 'i miss you too i love you too' etc?
I used to be very loving, affectionate and romantic towards him and now i'm the total opposite i've just shut off my heart from him completely...been hiding from him on msn and havent replied to his emails or texts or anything...for about a week then he rings me spilling his heart out then saying 'sorry for ringing you like this i just wanted to hear your voice been thinking about you alot and you've been on my mind again tonight and ive been wanting to ring you alot recently' etc and he'd just got in from work...so he hadn't been out drinking...what's he playing at??? Last time i phoned him he kept putting the phone down on me without saying a word then sent me a nasty cold text message telling me to stop ringing him etc. So i did i stopped talking to him full stop and then he started texting me every night saying 'sweetdreams honey xxxxx' etc then i spoke to him for 5 mins on msn and he was fine and attentive with me and then i stopped going on msn and i got messages and emails and things then that phone call. It's like he's playing tug of war with my heart!!!!
Last edited by NightsInWhiteSatin; 13th April 2006 at 1:54 PM.
Kind of sounds to me that he's looking for attention. Like he thought you would be completely devestated and beg and plead, and when you acted the opposite it scared him..? Maybe. Could be a power play, or he wants to rook you in again so he can go back to acting mean. Some people need that kind of adulation in order to feel validated. And if he's self-centered to start with, then realizing you don't care any longer would be a blow to his ego. He's the best after all, why wouldn't you want him, but it's okay if he didn't want you... that kind of thing.
Might be wrong though... maybe he just misses what you had, and really was torn up about it. That could've been the reason he was so snippy. He realized he was treating you unfair and it made him feel guilty. Caused him to feel angry (at himself) but came out directed at you. Possibly he realized that the relationship was causing you damage and didn't really want to split, but felt like he had to, but maybe now he wants you to say everything was fine and you were happy being second fiddle to everything else in his life.
Just some possibilities....
Basically, I think it'd be best for you to stop contact completely with him. He's not allowing you space to heal from this, and it's only going to cause you more pain talking to him. You realize that you weren't getting what you need from the relationship, so if he doesn't have the strength to cut the cord, then you need to do it. For your own sanity.
Read the threads on NC. They're very good. They have a lot of insight in them.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
