Hi everyone, im new here. Ok, i guess Ill just get this all out and see if anyone can help me sort out my crazy life, lol. I am having trouble with my fiance. We have been together since high school, he is 21, and so am i. we met by mutual friends, and started dating after a few months. he had a gf at the time, and i "stole" him away. He caught my attention because he seemed like a really good guy. he comes from a wealthy family, all really nice ppl, and they are great. so we start dating, then he tells me he wants to be exclusive. so i am faithful to him. we stay together through some pretty rough times. I was having trouble with my family, they are unemployed bums. I was working full time, going to school full time, and also rying to get them back on their feet. well i broke down and overdosed on sleeping pills one nite after work. he was there for me. he knows all of this stuff i have delt with, so it is hard to want to try to explain myself to another guy. we continued to date, but the entire time, all of my friends and his kept telling me that he was cheating on me with his ex. i was in denial, stupid, and did nothing. finally i get him to confess that he slept with his ex a couple times while we were together. i dumped him a couple times, but he was of course sweet and devastated, crying, so i always took him back. well, after my attempted suicide, i moved about an hour away. we decided to try the long distance thing. i got pregnant. i didnt want to have the baby, but he convinced me it was a wonderful thing. now i would move back home with him and we would get married and live happily ever after. so i had her. during the entire pregnancy i was alone. i suspected him of cheating many times, but he always had an excuse or alibi. he didnt do anything to help. we lived in his parents old house, and i was working 40 hour weeks until the doc put me on bedrest bc of complications. he was completely distant. i was considering adoption bc i felt so alone. i used to want to be a doctor, but i knew it would be hard without his support for the kid. so i continue to be in denial, and soon he is no longer having sex with me. i have my baby, lilly, and he an i move into a new house. it is so busy i dont have time to worry about his fidelity. we both work, and everything seems fine. he actually loves her, and seemed to be connecting. i just knew something wasnt right though, so i started checking up on him again. i find out that he is trying to hook up with everyone at work, on the internet, and even his ex's old friend. i confront him, and he swears he will stop. i believed him. but i still checxked on him frequently. then one day he slips and tells me that he has had naked pics of his ex the whole time we've been together, and he "looks" at them often. like a few times a week. i was heartbroken, but he insists that he isnt really cheating, so i should be happy. i stayed. finally, i discover through one of his old buddies, that he is trying to hook up with some girl i used to know. when i confront him, i ask him to tell me everything. he does. he had been having an entire relationship with his ex since we'd started dating back in high school. but he loves ME, lol. i was so upset. i told him i needed to think, but i ended up staying bc i cant get myself to leave. my self esteem is shot. i gave my life for this guy, and right after i have a baby i dont even want, he unloads that the whole relationship has been a lie. that was a while ago. i have been going to school, and trying to figure out what to do with myself. i want to leave, but i have no where to go. i mean nowhere. he drove away all of my friends(hge is very controlling and jealous). my family cant even support themselves. so i have been trying to brainstorm plans. i am not even going to try to take my daughter, because it would just hurt her. his family would be able to do much better than me. i just want to try to start over. any support or advice would be appreciated. i am so lonely!
thank you for reading that hellishly long thing, lol
shauna
Ultimately, you have to find the strength to do something. If not for you, for your daughter. You know the reality of your situation. Explore your options. Then take action.
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I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
thanks. i really just needed to vent a bit. its scary when you have never been out on your own, but its also exciting for me to think about how i can go anywhere, do anything, and not worry about being good enough for him. he doesnt deserve me.
thanks. i really just needed to vent a bit. its scary when you have never been out on your own, but its also exciting for me to think about how i can go anywhere, do anything, and not worry about being good enough for him. he doesnt deserve me.
that's the way to think, mama. You can do it. Now your daughter can grow up seeing a strong, beautiful, and above all HAPPY mama.
While I know you want to leave your fiance, and I think that is a good idea. Think long and hard before you leave your daughter, finances aren't the only thing that make a child have a happy childhood. Money cannot substitute for a good mother.
hge is very controlling and jealous). my family cant even support themselves. so i have been trying to brainstorm plans. i am not even going to try to take my daughter, because it would just hurt her. his family would be able to do much better than me. i just want to try to start over. any support or advice would be appreciated. i am so lonely!
shauna, even when things look their crappiest, know that you've got what it takes to make a go of anything you want to do. You're smart, you're young, and possess some gift or talent that no one else does – don't let a dirtbag like your baby's dad make you doubt yourself. At this point, your life shouldn't be about trying to be good enough for him, because he's not worthy of you, but about being the kind of person you want your daughter to grow up to be. If lilly's grandparents truly care about her well-being, they're going to put aside their personal feelings to help you provide for her the best you can. It may be rough, but it'll very much be worth the struggle.
see what king of help a women's shelter can provide – the fact that your fiance is controlling and possessive sends up a HUGE red flag for potential abuse, whether emotional or physical. And you don't need that kind of garbage in your life or your little girl's. Also check with your local Parents Anonymous or church ministerial alliance to see what kind of help is available for you.
most importantly, don't give up. He's not worth bashing yourself over or second-guessing yourself about – he may be the father of your child, but he's not worthy of you. In the meantime, just come to the 'Shack anytime you need us ...
This is probably the wrong kind of reasoning to take your daughter, but I do know that there is a lot of aid for single mothers. Money for food, housing, healthcare, and education. And you can't get it without having a kid.
Like I said, poor reason to take your daughter, but don't Not take her because your worried about finances. Girls need their mom's. And if you leave her wth this dirtbag, she's going to grow up seeing him use and abuse one woman after the next. And she'll believe that's how it's supposed to be and allow some dirtbag to use her when she grows up. Don't do that to your daughter. She needs you.
Check out the website for your state government. For my state they have links you can check out on the state site that give information on assistance, who to contact and what you may qualify for. Also gives more information on different types of assistance available. day care, electric bills, rent, prescriptions, dental, etc.
There is a lot of aid out there. It just takes a lot of paperwork and investigation to find it. Do some homework first, then you can make an informed decision.
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You had me at ‘Stop following me’.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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