Hello my peeps!!!
I've been seeing someone really great for about a month and a half!!! This great guy has a 3 year old son and still deals with Baby Momma! Baby stays with him and Baby Momma comes to see her son at least once or twice a week!!! I'm single and still in my party mode and I love to go out and have a good time. My new guy loves to go out w/ me and has a great time too...now...He asked me about meeting his son! I flipped. I know I'm not ready for that! I'm not ready to put a baby seat in my car. Not ready to deal w/ the baby momma territorial drama! I really care about this guy....now I know I have to think....Is this what I really want!!???
My question and curiousity is: To all singles who have dated others with kids...How did you deal with Baby momma? How did you deal with being interrupted during dates where your date had to leave? How was it to meet the baby? How soon after meeting did you?
Question for all the Singles with Kids: How to you deal with dating? Help me see your point of view in this.
I don't want to be priority or interrupt my guy with his priorities. I totally believe his son comes first. No doubt in my mind about that. I'm a person who doesn't want to get married nor have kids. I love kids but not to have them. I'm great around kids and I'm a big kid myself. I just don't know how to deal!
HELP!
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"Love is a heavy stone to carry when carried by only one person."
It's pretty tough to deal with. I waited a while to meet my BF's son and there are still al ot of issues with his exW and all that. Definately not something to get involved with unless you're ready to take on extra responsibilities.
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I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
I dated a guy with kids and it was far to much for me and I ended it after a couple of weeks. The mom drama was still there (they had been married as well and there was a lot of drama there) the kids, the fact we never got alone time, it just blew.
plus I wasn't ready to be anything but young and dating about.
I'm the same as your guy's son's mother. My daughter lives with her dad, my first husband, and I visit or he brings her over. So I can tell you from the mother's perspective...
We're not all necessarily territorial, as long as we don't think you're a total scumbag and dangerous to have around our kids. My ex had a girlfriend who he brought over to meet me once. I thought she was a lovely girl and I was happy that he was finally getting laid. Of course, she turned out to be a P.O.S. and screwed him over, but that's neither here nor there. There was no drama; we were all adults; everything was kosher.
Your problem probably isn't with the chick. It has to do with you not being in the adult mode where you deal with the reality of people reproducing, or the responsibilities (and sometimes burdens) it entails. And there's nothing wrong with that. You have the right to live young while you still can. But this guy is not what you're looking for. If you can't deal with meeting his son, you shouldn't be with him at all. Remeber parents and children come as a package. His son is not a detachable accessory.
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"If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now."
If you can't deal with meeting his son, you shouldn't be with him at all. Remeber parents and children come as a package. His son is not a detachable accessory.
Thanks ALLL!!!! BUT, Isn't Queen's statement the truth. The sad part is that I care about him so much but REALITY being is that right now, only being a month and all I'm not ready to meet his son. I'm still trying to get to know my new guy that when being thrown in a situation as fast as meeting his son only after a month it's like woaw!
One of my guy friends told me that a person that has a child has no time to waste when dating. They want someone who can want and appreciate not only them but their child too. Totally understandable. I want to give him so much but, ignoring the fact that he has a son doesn't make anything better.
I really don't want to let him go and I honestly don't want to run either just because I don't know how to deal or feel that I'm not ready for something I haven't even tried doing yet.
I'm the same as your guy's son's mother. My daughter lives with her dad, my first husband, and I visit or he brings her over. So I can tell you from the mother's perspective...
How is it dating w/ you? I mean is it hard to have one of your guys meet your daughter? Is it hard dating period having to accept your daughter?
How is it dating w/ you? I mean is it hard to have one of your guys meet your daughter? Is it hard dating period having to accept your daughter?
Yes. It's hard. Some guys get scared away for reasons of general weirdness that I've reproduced, not because of inconvenience or drama (there is none since she doesn't even live with me). I fare much better with guys who have kids too. I understand them, they understand me, it's all good.
Guys I date don't usually meet my daughter. This is because of a pact my ex and I recently made after his disheartening breakup with that girlfriend chick. Because our daughter had gotten attached to the chick's kids (she had 2) and was calling them her brother and sister... then suddenly the breakup comes and our baby loses not only a mother figure, but a brother and sister. It was hardest on her. She cried a lot and she still asks for them almost every day. She's only 4; she doesn't deserve that. New relationships aren't guaranteed to last, and the making and breaking of bonds is not healthy or fair for the kids, so we decided that in the future we would avoid introducing new people into her life unless we're about to marry them. It's easier for me because she doesn't live with me, but it makes Bob's dating life all but nonexistent. But she's everything to him and he decided it's best that way.
Then maybe you should find someone that doesn't have kids since you don't want the drama . It will be drama with the ex with a child!!
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Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose~
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~
I'm surprised the guy you're dating has a kid. You seem like you're out for a good time & it'll probably cramp your style a lot, if not now then in the future. If it doesn't cramp your style, you've gotta wonder how good of a dad he is anyway.
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"A fool knows no fear. A hero shows no fear."
I really don't want to let him go and I honestly don't want to run either just because I don't know how to deal or feel that I'm not ready for something I haven't even tried doing yet.
Man oh man....
You know, it suddenly occurs to me that maybe you should just bite the bullet and meet his son. I mean, it's not like you have to work very hard to impress a three-year-old, so the anxiety factor should be close to zero. I'm sure you've been around kids before; it shouldn't be a big deal... and for all you know, you may get a pseudo-parental love-at-first-sight experience and think the kid is just the cutest thing ever. It might actually kill some of that apprehension in one quick shot. You met him, he's there, he's a cool kid, and suddenly it's not such a big looming earth-shaking deal anymore (the legendary SON), and you might find it's easier than you imagined. You say hi, you chat with the little bugger, most natural thing in the world. Or you might find him a scary, intimidating little critter and then you'll know for sure you can't deal with the whole thing. Either way, meeting the boy at least once is likely to put the matter to rest for you one way or the other. Try it and see what happens.
I dated one or two guys with kids before meeting my childfree boyfriend.
Parents have a completely different lifestyle than non-childed people do. It's something you really have to seriously consider before getting involved.
If you do meet the child, have dad just introduce you as a 'friend' and keep things very casual and easygoing. Don't do the smoochy, touchy-feely thing in front of the child for quite some time.
Take it slow and really think it over.
I myself really didn't enjoy hanging with someone's kids. I never had any interest in parenting and being around kids really clarified that for me.
Thank you all!!!
Mad Dog is right in the sense that I love to go out and have a good time and honestly that's what I'm about. When I care about someone I bring them every where and any where. Party's, dinners, or just to hang. I don't think about long term or boyfriend / girlfriend relationships. Especially not after the 1st month!
I haven't talked to him since Saturday night when we went out dancing since it was my friends bday. He wanted to see me on Sunday but, I needed to be alone to think things over. It's now Tuesday and I still haven't talke to him.
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I know I'm not ready for that! I'm not ready to put a baby seat in my car. Not ready to deal w/ the baby momma territorial drama! I really care about this guy....now I know I have to think....Is this what I really want!!??? 
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