My Wife Has Agreed To Conseling

burtjr · 6th April 2006, 1:48 PM

ok, now she has agrred to go to conseling and i know i am going to hear a lot of things i have done wrong in our 38 years of marriage. i need to hear from someone who has been throght this and the advise you would give me in order for my wife and i to have sessions that will produce a happy marriage or like us know there is no hope i want to suceed. thanks you for all the help you can give me

quankanne · 6th April 2006, 3:44 PM

I think the basis of all counselling is learning to better to communicate, with others (couple's counselling) or with self (individual counselling).

considering that you're going into joint counselling with your wife, yeah, chances are that you'll have your faults listed, but don't consider it something bad but rather a starting point for a healthier marriage. Hearing these things is part of communicating with someone, taking that information and putting it to good use is the other part. Does she think you're a slob? That you yell too much? That you don't pay enough attention to her because you're too busy sitting in front of the TV/hanging out with friends/working too much? On the outset, these are problems, but, God willing, counselling will help y'all cut through the hurt or anger about those things to focus on remedying the problem.

I've not been to see a marriage counselor, but my husband and I did a Marriage Encounter retreat, which helped us learn how to better communicate – same as what MC tries to do. I think the biggest thing we both learned from that weekend was that even if we drive each other nuts with our idiosyncracies or habits, even when we get upset with each other, because we know that our relationship is grounded in love, we can talk about these things much better, even fight more fairly. And I'm hoping that's what you and your wife gain from your counselling session.

something to think about: you may not see immediate improvement or success, but don't give up. You've had 38 years to get to this point, and you've got all the time in the world to bring your marriage to where you want it to be. As long as the both of you make that effort to make it better, it'll happen.

good luck, and let us know how you're doing, okay?
quank

burtjr · 6th April 2006, 4:06 PM

hthank you so much the other day i talked to her face to face and she siad i can look you in the face and tell you i don't love you

quankanne · 6th April 2006, 4:52 PM

by all means, ask her what she means by that (just do it in a non-threatening way). Sometimes people expect their relationships to stay at that romantic, lovey-dovey stage and aren't prepared for the reality of it – the bad habits and harsh words, the accusations, the money problems, the sex problems, the family problems ... and are convinced the love is gone. And sometimes, those things have gone on for so long that a person feels the best way to deal with them is to just emotionally disconnect from that relationship – you just don't "love" someone anymore.

burtjr · 6th April 2006, 4:54 PM

Wow Thank You