I had a normal family life as to what was family . I was loved and wanted in everyway! As for my father being sick and losing him at the age of 10 that was tramatic thing that happened to me. He had emphysemia and asthma . He took me shopping and bought me barbies on Saturdays. He had his own dental lab and made impressions of teeth. My mom was a stay at home mom while my dad worked but on the weekend we spent family time together. My dad smoked and it killed him . He had to get a trachea because he couldn't breathe. I was always taking care of him when he got sick when mom was working and we all was home from school. Made me be very responsible and grow up and see death at a early age. No i don't have a normal family life. My SO is always on the computer promoting his band . I read, bathe and put my daughter to bed every night. I ride bikes ,jump on the trampoline and am always playing with my child . Now that it has been beautiful .She knows she is loved and wanted ! She is a very happy but stubborn child. Wish that my SO would do more with us in quality time. I had a great childhood growing up except losing my dad was very tragic for a 10 yr old to deal with . Other than that it was great. My mom had 5 kids and we never did without or wanted for nothing.
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Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose~
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~
I grew up knowing and feeling that my family loved me, but my folks had their share of arguements just as lots do I'm sure. Their main fights were about money and how to raise me. They were never on the same page as far as discipline with me. A friend of mine told me how lucky she felt that her and her hubby were on the same page as far as discpliling their kids, becasue she couldn't imagine nor probably be with someone who wasn't on the same page, because she says its so important that both are. My dad had some anger issues and he would lash out. He wasn't ever abusvie to me or my mother, but he was a wall banger. He would bang his head against the wall if things were bad, or he was frustrated. He was one to raise his voice. Sometimes, too it wasn't always what he said, but the way he said it.
My mother was the complainer. You named it she complined about it. She was one of these people who worried about what others thought all the time. She had a kind of controling nature in some of her ways. I remember when I was younger thinking if I ever grow up and get married, have kids etc, I hope I'm not like either one of them with some of their ways. To this day I do see some of those tendencies in myself, but I do think I control them better than they did. I usually will stop and catch myself if I start acting like they did, and will try to change my pattern of behavior. Nope its not always that easy either.
Just a few years ago after lots of counseling, my dad found out he was bi-polar. I think its possible he was all along, years ago when I was little. I sometimes wonder had he gone to the doc/counseling back then for help maybe they could have known he has what he has now. And maybe he could have gotten some help/treatment for it, so things wouldn't have spun out of control like they did sometimes. I do think kids learn what they hear/see etc but its up to us to learn how to not follow in some of their negative footsteps. My husband and I have had our share of problems but nothing like my parents did.
Jade
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
I grew up in the traditional "Dysfunctional" family. Father was a drug addict, mother was an alcoholic. They fought, he got kicked out, me and my brother see him walking down the highway with luggage, no car, no money, no nothing. My mother hated him. After seeing that. My brother became the bad one and I was the good one. He dropped out of HS, went to rehab typical "offspring of dysfunction". I was the good one, I graduated with honors, I was a gymnast, cheerleader, Miss popular. Don't get me wrong, I did bad things, But I was smart enough not to get caught.
Today, I'm getting married, have a good job, my own place with my wonderful man. My father is dead, My mother lost half her senses from STILL drinking. My briother, No license, job, goals, ambition. He's always depressed.
Therfore, Some people break the mold of dysfunction families.
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I want to be the one he looks at, then smiles and says to his friends--that's her...
Curious and wondering how many people think they were reared in a normal family?
No way, dude. Multicultural, two parents with PTSD, abusive mother, alcoholic father (until he couldn't physically drink anymore) -- though he was a more quiet depressed alcoholic. Never loud or abusive. That was mom's job. And both my parents were unwanted children from previous marriages or affairs. And neither of them grew up with both parents. MY Dad was in foster care with relatives after the age of 11 or 12, and my Mom was the daughter of the third wife.
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How does your childhood effect your own family now?
I don't have one. Probably because of this.
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Do you think you are raising your kids any different than you were raised or plan to do so differently?
I plan to raise them quite differently. There were som egood points - like making me take ballet, piano, voice lessons, summer programs, boarding school -- they really excelled at giving me building blocks to create my own sense of self. But the foundation they laid was crap.
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This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet.
My parents fought hard and loud all the time until they divorced when I was in teh 4th grade. My dad was an alcoholic, but in all honesty it wasn't a big deal because he only drank at night after dinner and he was a quiet drunk. He never really parented, just took me to out to eat on the weekends he had us and complained constantly about child support. FYI--if you are paying child support, don't let your kids know it bothers them. My mom was emotionally abusive. In one sentence telling me how proud she was of me and in the next screaming at the top of her lungs about what a stupid ***** idiot I was. So, when I hit those teenage years.....EXPLOSION. But we've all made our amends, (although my parents don't talk at all), and we've got "normal" relationships.
I don't have any kids yet, but I still see how my parents family affects my relationship with my STBH. It takes me by suprise when he is geniunely interested in me and I occassionally I find myself holding back because...why would he be interested. I plan to do some of the things that my parents did. Like, get my kids involved with a ton of different activities, and stress education. And play board games. That was a shining point of my childhood, the board games. But I plan to treat my kids with respect and keep the yelling to a minimum. And never ever ever call them stupid ****** idiots.
Alpha you can't speak for all!! My mom wasn't emotionally or physically abuse at all. So i have shown it cause i am one that was never done this way. I understand that there are alot out there that do it ,but sorry im not that way to my child nor was my mom!! My mom was and still a great mom and so am i . Sorry for all the ones that was treated so bad by their mom's . HUGS to all that was treated that way. No child should have to be treated that way. Children are precious and should be cherished not critisized.
Define emotionally abusive. Because yes I do think theres some that are, some that are not, and some that are teetering on borderline.
Jade
Well if you tell your kid they are a loser, will not amount to anything.
One favorite one I over heard recently from one was "your just like your father"...... geeze......that does wonders for a kid, alienates them against the other parent and destroys their self esteem. Neato things parents say to kids and ruin their life because of it.
It amazes me that being a parent is a right. You can so screw up so many generations by being a rotten parent.
I remember my exH's dad when we were visitng once, telling his son "You could have been a star, but you're just a quitter" and I lit into him and ended up making a sarcastic comment about his perm.
I don't think it achieved much, but he got rid of his perm for about 3 months.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
....me, myself and I 
My mom was and still a great mom and so am i . 
HUGS to all that was treated that way. No child should have to be treated that way. Children are precious and should be cherished not critisized.
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