Why do you finally realize that sleeping with someone wasn't right after being caught? Is it because you got caught or is it because you didn't realize what you had? Watching something where the guy cheated on his wife and he didn't break it off till his son got a concussion . What do others think?
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I completely believe that most cheaters (not all, MOST) are not sorry for what they did, they are sorry they got caught. They don't decide what they did was wrong, or realize anything. They want to have both people at their beck and call, and really feel they deserve that, and they are only sorry that their little arrangement has been compromised.
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I do not feel obligated to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reasons, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
i can only speak for myself. I knew I was doing wrong. I didn't get caught. I confessed, knowing that I would probably lose the best person in the world.
I didn't lose him after all, but we both went through torment ---
I completely believe that most cheaters (not all, MOST) are not sorry for what they did, they are sorry they got caught. They don't decide what they did was wrong, or realize anything. They want to have both people at their beck and call, and really feel they deserve that, and they are only sorry that their little arrangement has been compromised.
Totally agree with you on that Catgirl about some cheaters getting caught. The thing that gets me is this guy didn't cover his tracks to well and the wife put two and two together . Maybe he was wanting to get caught. After the wife confronted him he said he didn't want to lose her and his son. He said he cheated cause he felt empty from them losing his daughter. What i don't get is if he needed someone then why not reach out to his wife instead of someone else? She was hurting and he turned her away with work or their son . She tried to reach out he wouldn't receipicate . Does something tragic like that make you turn to someone else?
i can only speak for myself. I knew I was doing wrong. I didn't get caught. I confessed, knowing that I would probably lose the best person in the world.
I didn't lose him after all, but we both went through torment ---
(this was many years ago.)
Probably the reason you worked things through was because you told him and he didn't find out on his own. That's great that he stayed with you and was willing to work things through. Im sure you did go through some torment. Someone cheating on you can do damage to your heart and hurts the trust as well.
Well, it's definitely better to fess up, I'll agree with that.
Catgirl, I don't know your story, as I haven't been on this site long, but try to remember that people screw up, even the ones who try hard to be honest. None of us are perfect (Jesus hasn't been around for a long time - and I've got questions about him too)
There's a thread about demonizing the MM on this site. I understand that the pain a person has as a result of an affair can be staggering. But most of the married people who have affaris, whether PA or EA, are simply people in pain too. Most of them don't set out to hurt anyone, they are simply being selfish and trying to releive some of their own hurt. There are always creeps in every group, but most people aren't.
I don't buy that tragedy makes us do things like that. It's not like he just fell on this girl with his pants unzipped and oops. This was meditated over some time. I think it's pretty crappy to use losing a daughter as an excuse. I think he didn't cover his tracks because he didn't have the spine to leave and wanted to.
I am extremely impatient with cheating because I've been cheated on a lot. I think most do it out of spite to humiliate someone. I do not buy that men can't control urges or that situations got away from people. I'm pretty hardnosed about it too...
Last edited by catgirl1927; 5th April 2006 at 2:37 PM..
I don't buy that tragedy makes us do things like that. It's not like he just fell on this girl with his pants unzipped and oops. This was meditated over some time. I think it's pretty crappy to use losing a daughter as an excuse. I think he didn't cover his tracks because he didn't have the spine to leave and wanted to.
I am extremely impatient with cheating because I've been cheated on a lot. I think most do it out of spite to humiliate someone. I do not buy that men can't control urges or that situations got away from people. I'm pretty hardnosed about it too...
LOL!! Like the ananlogy of oops my pants unzipped and fell on the girl. Yeah i agree tragedy doesn't make us do things like cheating as well. Just wanted to see what others views was on it. He said he wanted to work things out but she kicked his ass out and said go be with your slut!! Yeah i have been cheated on as well and don't care to much for cheating on another. Very hurtful and deceptive no matter what reasons ..
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Sometimes I think the cheater is cheating because they feel unimportant to their partner. That's what happened with my H. I'm not making excuses for him ( or me), just putting out my opinion. I think it's also why he told me about it - he wanted to see if I loved him enough to forgive him. I did.
I completely believe that most cheaters (not all, MOST) are not sorry for what they did, they are sorry they got caught. They don't decide what they did was wrong, or realize anything. They want to have both people at their beck and call, and really feel they deserve that, and they are only sorry that their little arrangement has been compromised.
Right on the money. I think that the majority of cheaters are extremely selfish people that think of no one except themselves and their personal needs. In my case my ex-gf was only pissed that she got caught and it ruined her reputation. After that I became an A-hole and that was why she did it - her weak attempt to deflect the blame off of her.
Right on the money. I think that the majority of cheaters are extremely selfish people that think of no one except themselves and their personal needs. In my case my ex-gf was only pissed that she got caught and it ruined her reputation. After that I became an A-hole and that was why she did it - her weak attempt to deflect the blame off of her.
Totally agree with you Shine. What i don't get is instead of cheating get out of the relationship. Your right that it is a selfsih act when you think of only what you want and not of the repercussions of other's feelings. I couldn't ever cheat no matter how unhappy i was in a relationship. Nothing justify's cheating in my eyes!!
Well, it's definitely better to fess up, I'll agree with that.
I agree that it is better to fess up also. I found out about my H cheating and he was doing it for a couple years. He seemed to act as though he didn't know it was wrong until he was caught. Give me a break! How can anyone be messing around behind someone's back, for 2 freaking years no less, knowing they are hurting that person, and not care about that other person? I couldn't do it. I would be so guilt-ridden and feel so low that I couldn't stand it. I couldn't even do it if I was unhappy in the relationship. I would get out of the relationship first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by target-d
I understand that the pain a person has as a result of an affair can be staggering. But most of the married people who have affaris, whether PA or EA, are simply people in pain too.
This is what is strange about our situation and you know, the better I know my H, I really think he has mental issues/problems. Read my thread about "Husband Calls Me Names" and you'll see why. When we dated, he was so laid back and easygoing - I even said to him that he "never gets mad". I thought that was great. I always seemed to be in conflict with one of my kids, he never was angry with his. I know that he wasn't a parent to his kids, he tried to be a friend so that's why he never disciplined them. If you never discipline your kids and just go along with whatever they do, then I guess you really wouldn't be in conflict so wouldn't be mad/frustrated with them.
He never acted as though there was anything wrong with our relationship so how could I know there was anything wrong? That's what was strange about all this. He played along like I was the best thing that happened to him and he was happy, etc. So why cheat? I've asked myself that over and over again. At least if we were fighting and at odds with each other, I would think he would cheat because he "wasn't happy" but we really didn't fight. Because of his past record, I've wondered more than once now about his mental state.
Location: Straight North - sharp left turn at Happenstance
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Some people so much don't want discord that they'll just never talk about the problems. Avoiding them is way easier and they think less painful.... yeah right - it is less painful - for them. - That's really a cop out on my part, it's less painful for them until they are found out or they confess - then it get's really really hard.
I think maybe it's that same attitutde that little kids have. If you don't know about my bad grades, then I won't get in trouble. Just like little kids that cheaters of the world really think (at the time at least) that as long as you don't know about it, nothing bad has really happened. More than anything, it just shows their immaturity (and of course unutterable selfishness.)
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Like the ananlogy of oops my pants unzipped and fell on the girl.
Yeah i agree tragedy doesn't make us do things like cheating as well. Just wanted to see what others views was on it. He said he wanted to work things out but she kicked his ass out and said go be with your slut!! Yeah i have been cheated on as well and don't care to much for cheating on another. Very hurtful and deceptive no matter what reasons ..
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