It's been 7 months since the breakup and 4 months of no contact. I have come along way; took everyones advice and slowly got my life back on track.
My life now is about to make some signifcant changes, career and location wise. Everyone says you should just follow what you want to do, not give a thought about her. It's just that there was a future with her that was following a path, a future I would have very much liked and worked hard for.
I would really love to speak to her again. To know we had a chance. Things got so messy and life was unfair to us. Has this time apart changed us?
Regardless of reconcilation, I would like to sit and have a conversation with her. I would like to apologise for some things that happened in the breakup and for us to forgive our mistakes and wish each other well. She was an important part of my life and I still care about her.
Is there an approach to do this? So much time has passed I'm not sure if it would be brave or foolish.
I have done everything in the post and have done it very well, though it took me some time to see the results.
Could I walk on in life without seeing her again? There has been a lot of time for me to prepare for that conclusion.
I do not fully understand the demise of the relationship. That is part of what I would like to know. It was something I did not see coming, especially considering our circumstances. The converstations we had about it at the time were not rational.
Someone else, fell out of love, confused? I don't know really know. That is only something she can tell me. It would be good for me to know so I can be stronger in future relationships.
I still very much care for her after all this time. I'm sorry, I know the answers are here already but it is hard to become cold about it.
Is there a good way of asking for a meeting to talk about this. Will she want to confront it?
I am in a very similar situation and plus i am moving overseas for a year. I would still love to be able to talk to her not to reconcile or anything, just to be able to talk.
But as Cali said, you should be ready to hear something that you won't like. I feel better and i do not want to mess the things up (my mind) right before I leave and I think that is what keeps me away from contacting her right now. But I am still thinking...
I have had absolute polar thoughts about contacting her these last couple of weeks. In one way, I am considering that my utter silence may have her thinking and this can only be good. She must be having some of the flashbacks I've been experiencing of late and would like to be in touch.
Or perhaps not. I am just having a hard job painting the ex into some kind of monster as some advice gives. I have no idea what she's thinking. She is stubborn enough to reside herself to the fact that I am not calling so she won't.
Like I said, guys. If you can't resist the urge to break NC, then be prepared for bad news.
Ask yourself "What will I gain from contacting her?" If you can not clearly define what your intention is for breaking NC other than to say "Hi, I'm still out here pining for you!" then my advice is to not break NC.
Remember, contact really needs to come from the dumper, not the dumpee, if you wish to maintain your dignity. Also, do you really want to give your Ex control over your feelings? If so, then break NC. If not, then I say let sleeping dogs like and act as if they are never coming back.
It's the best way to heal and should they ever contact you, you will be in a much better position to say no or lay down some serious ground rules.
The force of no contact prevails. I feel like Luke with the pull of the darkside but somehow he comes through
Seriously though, I am amazed at the conviction you have to just let the meaning of your relationship just disappear. Do you not wish to share any moments with your ex again? What about all those holidays you had, the things only you and her saw?
There must be something between cold-hearted ex or second chance.
Seriously though, I am amazed at the conviction you have to just let the meaning of your relationship just disappear. Do you not wish to share any moments with your ex again? What about all those holidays you had, the things only you and her saw?
Some things in life you will never know the answer to - even if you ask. If you've made progress, why would you want to regress by trying to share moments that have long since come and gone?
The force of no contact prevails. I feel like Luke with the pull of the darkside but somehow he comes through
Seriously though, I am amazed at the conviction you have to just let the meaning of your relationship just disappear. Do you not wish to share any moments with your ex again? What about all those holidays you had, the things only you and her saw?
There must be something between cold-hearted ex or second chance.
Whatever there is between cold-hearted ex or second chance is not your concern. Only you know how far you've come from the time of your breakup. If this ex has not contacted you, isn't it well, presumptuous to assume she has not moved on in her life. 7 months. By contacting her you are indicating quite the contrary...leave it to your imagination that she's gone and you go on with your success. Why is it never enough to be satosfied with your own accomplishments? Don't break NC. Ask yourself why hasn't she contacted you. If you can provide 10 good reasons outside of she was in a coma. Then do it. But if you can't come up with one rock hard excuse then...as Caliguy said prepare to hear what you may not be expecting. But in the meanwhile you'll have given her an ego boost. "Wow this guy is still thinking about me."
if we were m,eant to hang on to every single relationship we had, would you not be married to the first girl you ever dated back in grade school?
The force of no contact prevails. I feel like Luke with the pull of the darkside but somehow he comes through
Then listen to Obi-Wan. "There is no try, only do or do not."
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Seriously though, I am amazed at the conviction you have to just let the meaning of your relationship just disappear. Do you not wish to share any moments with your ex again? What about all those holidays you had, the things only you and her saw?
The problem isn't coming from me, my friend. I would love to share those moments but she's making new ones with a new guy and could care less about 'our' moments. Oh sure, she may look upon them fondly, but they don't mean anything to her anymore.
She has a new guy and as long as that is fruitful she will not be missing what we had.
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There must be something between cold-hearted ex or second chance.
In affairs where protecting your heart is essential, there is only black or white.
Honestly, I broke NC after 10 months and I only wish I did it sooner. It was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Part of me wishes I didn't listen to everyone when they told me that I shouldn't contact him after about 5 months NC because I could have put it behind me a lot sooner and potentially created a lot less animosity between everyone involved.
Just like the debate which came first the chicken or the egg, there will always be a debate about NC vs BREAKING CONTACT. Two schools of thought. As always I stated I never saw the logic of breaking it, even in the early stages of my breakup because if it's broke its broke. I'm not saying the urge wasn't there but for myself I felt getting past this urge was the way to go. I don't need to know what my ex is thinking to move on. Just like they don't need to know my state of mind to live life without me. For me that is giving them power over my peace of mind instead of me finding it within myself. So each camp will defend what works for them and the debate will go on and on.
For me, right now NC because I can not be disturbed by an ex. I am about to complete a major goal in my life and can not be taken down right now.
A break is a break, might as well use the time for something more productive.
Now afterwards, I MIGHT consider breaking NC or letting her break it; because I am a better person. More time, better educated, completed a life goal, and most importantly clear and level headed.
it is said that knowledge is power and yet ignorance is bliss. which would you rather be? myself, i'd rather have the truth and knowledge with nothing left unresolved for me to always wonder about. if i were you, get in touch with her. what's the worst that can happen? you've gone four months without speaking, so talking with her for a few minutes shouldn't "put you back" too far. you're moving on anyhow, so you might as well get the most out of the relationship (whatever you still have left) and apply it further on down the road. otherwise you'll just always wonder what happened and not know why things ended like they did. go for it if you wish, but again, just be prepared for whatever may come.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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