[Blind Illusion]

I know some people will see this question as having some type of twisted irony to it but I'll ask it anyway:

Did you ever cheat on the person that you are having / had an extramarital affair with?

I ask this because sometimes I do wonder if fidelity is REALLY a matter of the heart and not solely the breaking of marital vows, so to speak. I think I would feel so bad if I ever did something behind my MM's back. I say that, this evening, even if I am a bit miffed at him, because it is something my heart dictates. He has been in my life for 6 years and I am married for 11 years (obviously unhappily or I wouldn't be in this situation, especially if he was willing to go for counseling years ago, like I wanted)

I do appreciate how this can sound absurd to some, ie..that I would feel badly cheating on someone that I was cheating with, but I wonder if anyone else has any similar feelings.

[lovernotafighter]

I do agree. when me and my MM did actually talk about this very thing we admitted that it seems strange that we feel we should be commited to each other by not seeing anyone else..though we are both married.

we were like "do we have the right to ask this of each other" but I told him yeah because we are intimate we should be at least honest if we end up seeing others. i'll be honest though,I would really be hurt,though it does in fact seem twisted.

[Blind Illusion]

i'll be honest though,I would really be hurt,though it does in fact seem twisted.

Not twisted at all. I feel the exact same way. I know that he still sleeps with his wife....he has always been honest about the times things were better in that department and times when it was a rare occurence. So have I. Not that we talk about it all the time or anything.

Yes, it bothers me somewhat but 1) I am realistic and knew she existed and 2) would rather he be completely honest & he not give me a lie about the two of them having different bedrooms, etc.

Being with other people, though, would just reduce the relationship to purely a sexual one and then, what's the point.? (unless, that is what one is looking for at that particular point-that's not *me* but I don't want to seem judgmental. We are all different) There is a deep emotional and friendship quality to many affairs also.

I also think that fidelity is best served when it is offered from the heart and not because that's not what one should or shouldn't do. Guess that's why I feel more of a loyalty towards the MM than my husband.

[whats wrong with me]

Did you ever cheat on the person that you are having / had an extramarital affair with?

No, flirted a little with someone else and he (MM) got mad. go figure!

That was a long time ago, but I had to answer..... cause your question AND everything the two of you have said.. made sense (at least to me). .