I was previously engaged for 2 years. The engagment was called off by him. I had 2 issues that I was trying to work thru. 1) - My son still lives with me (Senior) and 2) I am not comfortable living in his home that he shared with his xwife.
How do you go back to being just boyfriend/girlfriend? What's the point of it all?
I was previously engaged for 2 years. The engagment was called off by him. I had 2 issues that I was trying to work thru. 1) - My son still lives with me (Senior) and 2) I am not comfortable living in his home that he shared with his xwife.
How do you go back to being just boyfriend/girlfriend? What's the point of it all?
Uh, you don't. If you've decided you're not going to get married, what's the point of staying together? Unless you're just killing time, you're wasting it. You should go find someone else.
Catgirl1927,
Thank you for replying. I guess I really don't understand his reasoning. I was just trying to work through my issues - they weren't issues in the beginning...at least my son was not (until he wanted to live with me) The house was always an issue that I thought with time would be ok.
I am just not able to set a date at this time - but again, I don't understand calling off the engagement if you had every intention of marrying...so what if it was a couple more years down the line...when the time was right, we both (me in particlular) would've known. Right?
It sounds like you wanted a long engagement and he wanted to get married right away. Why is he in such a hurry?
The only thing I can think of is, he asked and you said "yes, but not right now." He heard, "No." I can understand not liking a conditional acceptance. If you're not sure, then he's not interested.
I'm also kind of a romantic, I think if you guys were meant to be together, you could work out all this other stuff.
Actually, it was me that proposed to him! Again, I did not contemplate my son wanting to live with me or I would've waited - regardless of who asked who.
I just feel that a part of me is now missing. I don't know that I will ever get past the house issue - but was willing to cross that bridge when it got closer. Right now, there is nothing that I can do about my son - nor would I want to. He knew this, yet kept pressuring to marry...
He did seem to be in a rush - but we had been engaged for 2 years - so I can somewhat see his frustration. What was wrong with waiting a bit longer when my son was no longer an issue. Am I looking at it all wrong?
You proposed to him and he was in a hurry so then it was postponed? It doesnt seem to make much sense. Maybe you guys need to spend a little more time making 100% sure what you want out of the relationship. Communicate and ask questions. Dont waste your time and effort in a relationship that wont end in what you want for the future.
It could have been that:
1. He didnt feel you wanted to get married right now because of your situation
2.He is not sure about what he or you want.Just ask him and clarify your doubts.
Ask him to be honest and then decide what to do from there.
prfrogkisser,
A date was never set - it was kind of tossed out there that when my son graduated from high school that we would get married - but it doesn't look like my son is going to move back with his dad, as his dad is getting married in July and there won't be any room for my son to move in with his new wife and her 2 girls (5 & 10).
I just don't understand the broken engagement...I had every intention of marrying him...just didn't forsee the future...who can?
We are extremely compatable - that's what is making this so hard on me...I'm not sure where to go from here...
Why would he want to go back to BF/GF after being engaged if marriage was his plan...wouldn't he just make a break to find someone who was able to marry within his time frame? UGH
why does your son have to be out of the house first?
If we married, I would be living in Fiancee's/BF's house with his 2 children. There would be no room for my son and the fact that it is WAY out in the boonies - away from my son's hometown, school district, work, and friends.
If we married, I would be living in Fiancee's/BF's house with his 2 children. There would be no room for my son and the fact that it is WAY out in the boonies - away from my son's hometown, school district, work, and friends.
Ah, I see. that makes sense, I was just wondering. He's not willing to move, I take it, or make any room for your son?
He's not willing to move...I don't think my son would want to live there. It's too far out.
If he were willing to move, which we did discuss, I would have already been planning the wedding. I just at times feel like I am doing all the compromising...I just don't feel that that house would be "mine & his". I wanted to start fresh, but he is not willing to uproot his kids (I understand).
We are still planning vacations as far out as December of this year...so, again, I'm not quite sure I understand the dis-engaging part...
I don't feel that he's throwing a tantrum...I'm not sure what it is/was exactly. I would've never pressured him and then yanked it out from underneath him - and that is how I am feeling.
I wonder if he had outside influences - family, friends, and that was their advice. I did ask him and he said no.
More communication is definately needed. I just have a lot of turmoil going on inside - not sure how to deal with it...
if he is still planning vacations and such...he still wants to be with you. Do you still have an engagement ring? are you still wearing it? Hes going to be the only person able to answer this question for you.
Just because your son graduates high school....doesn't mean hes moving out. He could decide to go to a local college...or need to stay home for the next 4 years. And of course, you wouldn't want to pressure him into not being able to stay at home with you. A condition of marraige should not be that YOUR son can't live with you....and that his children can. Your supposed to be bring families together. How far away do you live from each other? Is it possible to move, and drive him into school or have him drive himself into school?
Also, I totally agree with you on the new house/new start part. I would want the same thing. He needs to start compromising with you...and if he can't...maybe its a good thing that you two aren't married yet unless you could stand him making all of the decisions and having everything his way for the rest of your lives.
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Girl you thought it was a man but it was a MUFFIN
MusicWoman,
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I do still have the ring...it's tucked away in my drawer.
We live about 20 miles away from each other...the local college would be an addtional 1/2 hour commute from F's home -
I've decided to have another talk with him, and let him know that at this point, there is nothing that I can do. You are right. I am not going to force my son out. If he is willing to wait for me, then we will work thru this. If not, then, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Not sure he would be willing to wait until son was finished with school (4 years)...but a lot can happen between now and then...
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