Allright last night i think i relized how it feels to get caught in all this mess............. I was doing some work on the computer after my mother had left,my h was sitting in the front room watching tv it was almost 10 and my house phone rang didn't think much of it my mom had taken my son with her and i figured it was her and it was...... well about 10:05 my cell rings i kind of freaked out because my cell never rings that late so i got it out of my purse didn't recognize the number so i turned it to silent so my h wouldn't ask who was calling.... well i entered the number into the computer on a reverse phone number directory and what came up about made me pass out....it was my mm home phone number then my phone starts to ring again and again and again never leaving a message but continues to call after about 6 call it had stopped or so i thought..... all of this happened between 10 - 10:30 well all that is going thru my head is she found out he gave me up i know he would never call me that late for fear my h would hear the phone or he might wake up my son.... well around 11 the phone starts ringing again so i finally picked it up to see what i could hear and finally someone says "hello" it was her it was his wife i can't breathe can't think my stomach hurts so bad i want to throw up but she hangs up she just hung up..... then i get a voice mail so i listen to it and here is what was said i might add that it was said in a very nice tone of voice......
it was his w and she says hi and then my name this is her name and that she is his w and she is trying to figure out why the 2 of us have been texting each other and (he has told her a story that isnt true) and she told me she doesn't believe him and wants me to call her and she gave me her home phone number...........
well while i was listening to that voice mail he called me and i missed the damn call because i was listening to the message his wife left well he left me one to and this is what he said........
hey my name i just wanted to let you know my w has done some digging and found your number and is going to try and call you so right now don't text me i have to patch things up with her first even though nothing happen i need to patch things up with her so don't text right now i am really sorry......
his voice sounded genuine i felt better after hearing from him but i wish i would have got to talk to him to let him know that she had already called. but here's the thing he didn't give me up just like he said and the number he called from wasn't his home number or his cell so i am guessing that he wasn't staying at home last night........ i couldnt sleep at all last night i know she is going to keep calling me untill i give her an answer and i am not doing that untill i talk to him and i don't know when that might be...... i am just hurting right now and don't know what will come next i am scared for once during this whole mess i am finally scared and i find myself saying
"what have i done what have i done what have i done"
When my MM W called for the first time, I was very quiet, let her do the talking. She asked me questions....how long has this been going on? Does he tell you he loves you? Don't you think you are too young for him? the questions went on and on...and all I said was....I think you should speak to him about these questions you have. She INSISTED I gave her more information, but I didn't feel like it was my place to tell her your husband has been cheating on you over half your marriage. I simply told her I did not have answers for her, and to get them from your husband.
The other calls were a bit more detailed between the two of us. Until you speak to your MM and what avenue he plans to go with the W, I would just keep things real basic. We are friends! Please ask him these questions. This is tough because you are married, I am not. I suppose if you dont' want your H to find out, be nice, yet firm. Good luck.
ok well he called me this morning but i didn't get to the phone in time to answer so he ended up leaving me a voicemail.... he sounded awful i am sure he didn't get any sleep last night because i know i didn't...... well he said that he was really sorry for dragging me into all of this and he never ment for this to happen that he didn't think that she could find out who he was texting..... well he told me the story that he told her and it was the same thing she had said last night and he doesn't want me to talk to her he said sorry several times and he told me he would call me next week probably from a pay phone and for me not to text his phone untill he got this worked out with her......... i just know she is going to call me again why wouldn't she i haven't given her any answers yet and that is what she wants....... but it sounds like he has told her that we are friends met online and had been texting nothing more than that but she doesn't believe him so i am hoping that he can convence her of that story.........
I would recommend not corresponding with her.... only will lead to her feeling as though she can ask you anything, anytime...
IF she does ever get in touch with you, since you too are married, I guess I would give as little information as necessary to make her go away. Allow her to do ALL the talking. That way you are not giving out info unless pushed.
I have not been in this situation, but I am the BS, so from my persective as the one who was betrayed, I would have never asked, it shows she is insecure in more than one area....
Give up as little info as needed.... it will only hurt you to tell.
I don't think i will answer the phone unless i know who is calling me because i don't want to answer it and it be her....... she doesn't trust him she told me in the message that she left that she didn't believe him and she was trying to figure out what was going on..... she also ask me to call her which i am not going to do but i figure she will keep calling me untill she get the answer she wants unless he can convence her and right now i am hoping for that. i guess if she keeps calling me i can change my number.....
do not answer then UNLESS you recognize the number as a familiar one!!!!
she could easily call you from a friends phone to trick you into answering or do the *67 thing so her number doesn't show at all... just shows private number calling...
if you end up having to speak with her she may want an answer as to why you didn't return her call.... remember - easier to give no info than to satisfy her need to know. That is really between the two of them.
I would say - you need to communicate these questions with your husband for the answers you are looking for....
Playing devils advocate here. Why dont you answer the phone, and tell her the truth. WHat are you afraid of? Tell her what he has been doing, I know YOU would want someone to tell you. The wife will not believe you are just friends, she wont leave you alone. The truth will set you free!
Tell her you will tell her everything, but only if she does not ever call you again. Her H will never tell her, never.
I don't want to tell her the truth in fear that she will then tell my husband...... I am trying to save my marriage here and i believe he is doing the same by telling her that we are just friends that meet online and we started texting each other..... anyway the 2 of us had a deal that we wouldn't give the other person up no reason to destroy both of our families and i am not going to rat him out to his wife..... i would never do that
I don't want to tell her the truth in fear that she will then tell my husband...... I am trying to save my marriage here and i believe he is doing the same by telling her that we are just friends that meet online and we started texting each other..... anyway the 2 of us had a deal that we wouldn't give the other person up no reason to destroy both of our families and i am not going to rat him out to his wife..... i would never do that
If you weren't married yourself I might give you different advice, but just lay low and say as little as possible without needing to lie....
I think you should tell your husband NOW. If you don't do it soon, your MM's wife WILL be at some point. She KNOWS what's going on and is just letting things play out, watching reactions and looking for information. It's only a matter of time before she contacts your husband. I'm sorry to freak you out, but it would be better that you tell your H what has been happening, rather than your MM's wife.
You and your MM have that pact, but trust me, he will break the promise if it means protecting himself and saving his marriage, and his kids if he has any.
You two need to end this completely now. NO looking back, just do it and fix your own marriages.
I don't want to tell her the truth in fear that she will then tell my husband...... I am trying to save my marriage here and i believe he is doing the same by telling her that we are just friends that meet online and we started texting each other..... anyway the 2 of us had a deal that we wouldn't give the other person up no reason to destroy both of our families and i am not going to rat him out to his wife..... i would never do that
Oh believe me, I can understand that. But as a BS, I have to say that if I talked to my H OW, and she was honest, wanted to end the affair, and really wanted to work on her marriage, then I would respect her and not tell her husband. BUT, I would make it perfectly clear that if I saw another text message, phone call, or anything, I would tell her husband. Dont think she has not thought about wether or not you do have a H, and just telling him her suspusions is enough for him to find out.
Us wives are not that scarey. We feel just like the OW. But, if you are respectful, as we can be, and mature adults, we can talk openly about it and solve it.
You did say yourself she had a plesent tone. You can talk to this woman, I sound just like her. I was clam, just wanted desperatly to know what it was he had with another woman. I just wanted to know.
You were sleeping with her husband. You DO have a right to tell her. This is her husband, not a boyfriend.
If she's got your home and cell phone number, it's now just a matter of time before this gets to your H...it's not a question of if, but of WHEN.
Since he's now dealing with his wife, it's time for you to deal with your H.
And, it's a tremendous opportunity for you to prove what kind of person you are...are you going to lie like HE did about you??? Or are you going to be honest with a man that you love? (Or at the very least, once loved.)
Tell you H what is really going on...figure out what your next steps are from here (divorce/seperation from your H, end it with OM...up to you).
WWIU is right...now it's just a matter of time.
__________________
"The newsflash is that in the game of love we are ALL at Vegas, some of us are bigger gamblers than others...
Welcome to VEGAS BABY! " --Tomcat33, May 21, 2008
"Just don't cry when the odds beat YOU" Owl, Sep 08
i am just scared to tell my h......... part of me thinks i should tell him and then again part of me thinks i should leave it alone and see what happens.... mm w only has my cell number and she knows my first name because she heard it on my voicemail so right now i still feel some what safe as to her not telling my h.......... i guess by me not telling him i feel like i am protecting him and my son from not getting hurt....
Eventually your husband will be finding out ... It's only a matter of time before your MM's wife calls your husband to talk to him. She could hire a PI and find where you live very easily too.
I know you don't want to hurt your husband and son, and I hate to say this, but you are already, even though they aren't aware of it...Yet. The only way to stop the hurt is to STOP having the affair with the MM and fix your marriage. Give your husband a choice in whether he wants to give you another chance or divorce. Again, sorry, but that is the pricetag and consquences of an affair when it comes to light and is found out about.
If she's got your home and cell phone number, it's now just a matter of time before this gets to your H...it's not a question of if, but of WHEN.
Since he's now dealing with his wife, it's time for you to deal with your H.
And, it's a tremendous opportunity for you to prove what kind of person you are...are you going to lie like HE did about you??? Or are you going to be honest with a man that you love? (Or at the very least, once loved.)
Tell you H what is really going on...figure out what your next steps are from here (divorce/seperation from your H, end it with OM...up to you).
WWIU is right...now it's just a matter of time.
I learned from the best...(You know, and I won't say it, but you know...
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Last Night................
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