Ok, if some of you have some tips for letting go and moving on, I would love to hear them.
NC is of course on the top of the list. I try to picture my ex and how cold and indifferent she was to me as tool in letting go (hey, if she doesn't love me then she doesn't deserve my time).
I have good days and bad days, though the last couple weeks have been pretty bad for me. I'm missing her in a big way. But, I do try and remind myself that to waste my time thinking about someone who doesn't love me is akin to slamming my head against the wall. It accomplishes about the same thing.
So what do you do?
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
But, I do try and remind myself that to waste my time thinking about someone who doesn't love me is akin to slamming my head against the wall.
That's a good start, however, if you force yourself to stop thinking about your ex then you will think about her. If you're thinking about her often, find things that you enjoy to switch to and replace her in your thoughts.
There are no tricks, it has to come from within you. You have to believe that both of your lives were on their own paths which crossed for a time but went on their own way again. They were part of your life for a while but they're not anymore so keep the memories and let the rest go.
It will also help if you stop blaming yourself for the demise of the relationship. You got into the relationship together and you got out together, it's nobody's fault. Remember that relationships were meant to end, they don't go on forever, they're a part of your life, not your whole life. That means that there will be something better in the future for you. If you don't have faith in that then it's likely that you'll never recover.
Hey Cali... I will tell you one thing, you have to stop all contact with her family, not just her. I loved my ex's parents very very much, they told me they felt like they were losing their daughter. My ex's dad even cried!!! It was ruff not talking to them, and I was told that my ex;s mom really needed to talk to me cause she was still missing me and all that but I cant. That was my past, Ill never be in their life again and I have to accept that, even though she does not quite understand. Its like living in the past talking to them. If you must talk, I would say write letters, its not as often and it lets you break away easier than emailing and having to hear her voice. I still miss his parents very very much... but its over... they are not my family anymore. Love just sucks.. I was just thinking this morning, I wonder if i can be hypmnotized to not remember him!!!! LMAO
For one thing don't "try" to stop thinking about her. You can't! Can't be done! You just have to let time heal. That's it. Time is going to get you through it. But you MUST stop all contact. And I mean all. You resumed contact and that has been a set back. Once you realize its OVER for good, then the only thing sensible is to exucute a 100% no contact policy. I have read countless posts from people trying to heal and the ones who made it through with the least pain in the least time stuck to 100% pure NC. 100% NC is amazing in its healing powers. When you accept that you are full on 100% NC, its really healing because you have truly LET GO.
regards
ps: cali I agree with some others that you take on way more than your share of the blame. Here is the way to think about it.
Accept 100% responsibility for your HALF of the relationship.
__________________
...It's not going to stop It's not going to stop It's not going to stop 'Til you wise up
....Aimee Mann
Last edited by bendit; 8th March 2006 at 2:44 PM..
If I find myself pining for an X, I try to force/change my thinking to allow myself to concentrate on a bad habit of theirs; something about them that I won't miss at all. CaliGuy, I am sure she didn't meet *all* your needs realistically.
Here are some good sayings.. they make you think...
" I love you not because of who you are, but becaue of who I am when I am with you"
" No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, wont make you cry"
" Just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, doesnt mean they dont love you with all they have"
"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right besdide them knowing you cant have them"
" Never frown even when you are sad, you never know who is falling in love with yoru smile"
" Dont waste your time on a man or woman who isnt willing to waste thier time on you"
" Maybe god wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know hot to be greatful"
" Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened"
I'm not saying it is THE way.. but Caliguy has had enough time away from her and she has moved on and is with someone else..
Why not try and move on too ?
Tried it. Not working. Just makes me miss her more.
Yes, I take 100% of the blame for my side of the breakup.
I'm weaning her family from my life. That is taking time. Her mom said she felt she was losing her son-in-law and she knows how much I love the ex. She cried over the whole situation too.
Bah. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the point just before meeting her and had taken a different road. That's how much pain I am in. I just wish I could wipe my memory clean of her, like a chalk board, and start over.
I guess that is what NC is good for. Out of sight, out of mind.
[quote=Delicaterose00]Here are some good sayings.. they make you think...
Quote:
" I love you not because of who you are, but becaue of who I am when I am with you"
That was me with her.
Quote:
" No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, wont make you cry"
yep.
Quote:
" Just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, doesnt mean they dont love you with all they have"
We didn't love each other the way we both wanted, but she didn't love me with all she had. Far from it.
Quote:
"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right besdide them knowing you cant have them"
That was definitely me.
Quote:
" Never frown even when you are sad, you never know who is falling in love with yoru smile"
You know, I didn't smile much around her. I was a wreck.
Quote:
" Dont waste your time on a man or woman who isnt willing to waste thier time on you"
Agreed.
Quote:
" Maybe god wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know hot to be greatful"
I agree.
Quote:
" Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened"
Ah but if it never happened I'd be smiling a lot more.
Your problem is that you haven't knocked her down to size yet. Hopefully one day you'll realize that she's just a fallible human being like the rest of us.
Damn Cali.. a few days ago you said you broke the tie with her parents..
You breaking NC at every turn..
Now I see why can't move on... you need to do NC
By keeping contact with her/family you are punishing yourself.. she is letting another guy bone her.. that alone should be enough to let you move on..
I'm not trying to. Her mom emailed me in regards to her resume. She knows what I do for a living so she wanted my professional advice. I couldn't ignore her request. I didn't seek her out.
Yeah, she is boning another guy. She did before me and probably will after him too. Nothing I can do about it but shut it out of my mind.
I'm not breaking NC left and right. Any contact has been spurred by her and it's been very spare. No back and forth. Always short and sweet.
Maybe I am looking too much into it, but the fact she's sending me emails occasionally (once or twice a month) means I know to some degree I am on her mind. I'm not using that as a basis to hold on simply because she isn't saying what I want to hear.
But I also know her. She will never come right out and say she made a mistake. She'll start off slowly contacting me again, feeling me out. And I haven't bent or broken. I haven't begged or pleaded. I haven't mentioned anything regarding the relationship or any personal information. That's not to say I don't want to. I fight that urge every day, but I know it's in my best interest. There's a guide in love that says "Is your love so selfish that you will never be happy without them?" No, I can be happy without her. I don't need her in my life. I just want her in it.
I look at that as a positive step. If you knew how much I truly love this woman and how I acted in the past (I was your classic nice guy, groveling, crying, wimpy loser) then you'll see I have made progress.
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Oh yea...that too!
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