Hi, I would like some advice. I split up with an ex of 3 weeks about a fortnight ago, and her friends have told me that she wants to start a fwb relationship with me. I know her well enough to know that feelings wouldn't develop for me and she wouldn't end up getting hurt, she's had a similar situation before. This would also be perfect for me, we split up because I realised I wasn't ready for a committal relationship (though it was mutual too. its very healthy really ), and I must say it's something I've considered.

The thing is she's apparantly shy to bring up the subject (she has no idea that I know), but im pretty shy about it too. can anyone suggest a way to bring the subject up tactfully but clearly?

cheers, phil

[notmakingsense]

If I'm reading this correctly, you broke up with her? If so, you should be careful that entering into a FWB relationship won't end up hurting her down the road. You may not be ready for a commitment, and intimacy is often something that women can't separate from emotion. If you feel that you will just end up being in a situation that will force you to break up with her again, then I wouldn't do this.

[Mary3]

The over-use of the FWB is really just fu** buddies....not even close to being friends.

You have sex with her . You go home.

How convienant for you. Do you buy her dinner ?

Not an advocate for FWB's anymore.

Its less work for you isn't it ?

[sexyLMC]

DONT DO IT!!! me and my ex went on a "break" by his choice a little while ago and have still had sex during this time.. serously do not have sex with an ex.. ever.. it will mess up your head even more. its even hard to be friends with an ex straight away. you both need kinda healing time.. lisa x

If you are too shy to talk about this proposed new situation of FB's then how is it going to work. I would reconsider, if she is too shy to talk about it my guess is that she as real feelings for you and thinks that she will be able to win you over in the long run. to avoid breaking hearts walk away now and head for the nearest singles night.

[KickstartMyHeart]

I have come to the conclusion that "Friends With Benefits" does not work with exes. Someone is going to end up getting jealous and things are going to go into complete chaos. You were in a relationship with this person so there had to be some sort of feelings, and you just broke up and now you want to be "FWB". It won't work and it will just cause more problems.

[Mary3]

FWB's are usually created when the one with left over feelings does not want to let go completely of the other and the thought of no more sex and loving makes that person decide to continue sleeping with that other person To the detriment of the one with feelings of course....because eventually the one with no feelings moves forward and the one who still has feelings is stuck in a time warp.

The kindest thing to do is NC and stop sleeping with the one you wished never got away...

hey

Originally Posted by notmakingsense

If I'm reading this correctly, you broke up with her?

actually, we sorta both did it at the same time. she said she thought it would be best, but i was actually planning on doing it as well when i saw her. we had a good laugh about this

Originally Posted by Mary3

The over-use of the FWB is really just fu** buddies....not even close to being friends.
...
Its less work for you isn't it ?

sorry if you wanted to make me out like some sort of insensitive bastard,it sounds like youve had some sort of bad experience and for that i'm sorry it didnt work out for you. i came here to ask for advice on how i could approach the subject, and give her a choice, not somehow trick her into it. and yes, we are still good friends and yes we do still see and talk to each other, i like staying friends with exes and it's never gone sour for me.

Originally Posted by sexyLMC

you both need kinda healing time..

Actually, we're both fine, we knew it wasnt going to work so we ended it before anything got nasty and before we got too involved.

thanks for all the replies, anyway. i'm going to leave it a bit and see how things go, but i think i will talk to her about it some time anyway.

cheers,phil