I am close to a male coworker, we are friends and talk about everything under the sun, and yes, we have crossed the line in some of our conversations.
He is 43, and was dating a very immature 26yr old single mom of 2 who treats him very badly. They were on and off last fall, and now as far as I know they have been "off" since about October, yet they still talk and things are hot and cold, she says she'll give him another chance...he givers her a million chances and she always ends up dumping on him.
I found out this morning that she is 5 months pregnant. I'm pretty sure the daddy is my friend. He hasn't let on any signals about this, so I am pretty sure he doesn't know. Even if he didn't want me to know, his behaviour would have said something was up.
Although, last week he had a grumpy day and was not very nice to me about something we were talking about. He is out of town this week on business. Should I email him and tell him that I understand now why he acted that way??? Hint maybe to see if he knows? If he doesn't know, he will quiz me and try to get it out of me....because he is like that....he WILL get it out of me.
I know that if he doesn't know, and finds out I know, he will come down hard on me for not telling him. What would YOU do? and what should I do?
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I'm not 40. I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling.
To be honest, my first inclination nine times out of ten is to mind my own business.
This is between the two of them and really has nothing to do with you.
That being said, this might be the tenth time out of ten. I guess for me, the bottom line is that this man has rights as a father and deserves to know the truth.
If nothing else, he should get a blood test done to determine if he is the father.
Just my $0.02
Well, I don't think I can outright tell him. I can hint that I know something, just to get a sense of whether or not he is in the dark about this.
The one thing I WILL do is be there for him, as a friend, if he needs me and offer my support.
I don't know her very well, and although I hope it's not his, I know he told me about a night they spent together ... and doing the math, it's probably his.
To be honest, my first inclination nine times out of ten is to mind my own business.
This is between the two of them and really has nothing to do with you.
I agree with Bryan....
But if you feel that they won't come together on their own before the baby is born you might think about the hinting possibility
If I was the guy I would be grateful to youif you told me.. but if I was the girl I would be pissed.. I guess it depends where your friendships lie with each
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
Well, I don't think I can outright tell him. I can hint that I know something, just to get a sense of whether or not he is in the dark about this.
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I am not clear on why you would not be able to tell him. I don't mean to be difficult, I am just not getting it. Your friend fathered a baby and you think that dropping hints is the thing to do? It sounds as is the pregnant ex is already playing games with him, he needs you to be a straight shooter.
I really don't believe that the middle ground is the way to go here. If you are going to stay out of it, then stay out of it. If you are going to tell him, tell him.
If you are nervous about him being mad that you knew before him, I would just let it drop as though you had assumed that he already knew. It is a reasonable assumption and it re-directs the anger away from you and back to where it belongs (the ex)
This doesn't involve you. I would never want to involve myself in something as sticky as this, you're bound to have it blow up in your face. Let them sort it out however they can.
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I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
I would tell him this: "I found out that your ex-GF is 5 months pregnant. I assume you already know that, right?" If he doesn't, he'll be grateful that you told him. If he does know but didn't want to tell you, it's still honest of you to let him know that you know. After all, there is nothing shameful in being pregnant. It's not like you discovered that his ex has an STD. In that case, it would be none of your business. But hiding information that might be very valuable to your friend would make him angry eventually.
Finally, the child may not be his. I assume that's exactly the case. That's why he is not telling you anything. He probably stopped seeing her because she is with someone else.
I am still shaking from hearing this. I also recall him telling me he went over to her place (she asked him to come). She had told him she wanted to try and work things out, and said she'd be nice to him.
But when he went there, she ignored him. He put her kids to bed, and then she gave him the cold shoulder and said something bitchy. And he made a comment about her being nice lasting only a day. So he left.
I think maybe she wanted to tell him that night. I also think this will get around the office before he gets back next week. I also think I know too much!!!!
I feel that she wants it to come together on it's own and not just because of the baby.
I don't care how I look in all this. I want to do the right thing for my friend.
Finally, the child may not be his. I assume that's exactly the case. That's why he is not telling you anything. He probably stopped seeing her because she is with someone else.
I have heard she is not the type to sleep around, from more than one person who knows her. While I'm not the only one who don't trust her, I believe it is his baby.
"I think I know why you were grumpy last week. I found out this morning...about "jane" being pregnant. I assume you already know, since she's 5 months along. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen."
Just write and say he seems stressed out lately and if he has anything he needs to talk about he can trust you. Don't mention specifics or you might have a crazy hormonal preganant woman pissed at you. Which isn't a pretty sight.
Well, if she is telling people, I have to assume he knows. She doesn't know me very well, not enough to confront me.
If I were the type to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, I'd give HER a call and ask her if she told him yet, and encourage her to do so, now THAT would piss her off.
She is a good person, just messed up (young mother, bad previous ex-bf's) and my friend would be very good for her if she would only be nice to him.
Honestly you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Hell everyone thought I was evil and bitchy to my exH but he was the one who gave me chlamydia from a bar skank, so there ya go.
"I think I know why you were grumpy last week. I found out this morning...about "jane" being pregnant. I assume you already know, since she's 5 months along. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen."
But...what if he doesn't know...
Being that they are still talking.. you need to let them work it out..
But to play the devil.. you could create a fake email addy at ayhoo and send him an email..
Being that they are still talking.. you need to let them work it out..
But to play the devil.. you could create a fake email addy at ayhoo and send him an email..
Yeah he knows I'm an internet junkie, so he would know it was me!
He's on a business trip all week, so maybe I will learn more this week. Either way I'll get in touch with him Friday. There is a company function next Saturday, and he will be there, and I'm sure alot more people in the office will know besides me. I'm scared to face him next Monday without having this out in the open. ugh this is ugly...and I feel sick to my stomach.
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