My ex emailed me a few days ago to say "hello". He dumped me just over a year ago and we have had no contact since March last year.
He never has any contact whatsoever with ex-girlfriends so I am a little surprised to hear from him and therefore, don't know what to make of it.
I didn't want the relationship to end and I do still love him despite my efforts to the contrary! It was a surprise break up as everything was fine leading up to it, he was as he normally is, we were happy, making plans, etc so I suspect he left me for someone else.
Should I email a hello back and see what happens or should I just leave it alone?
No, you shouldn't if you are you dating someone else. My question is why did he dump you? If it was to date someone else then I wonder if you respect yourself enough to not be his "fall back girl." You know if he dumped you once to go date someone else, he will do it again.
He didn't make any effort to contact you in almost a year.
Maybe you should wait a year to reply.
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
No, you shouldn't if you are you dating someone else. My question is why did he dump you? If it was to date someone else then I wonder if you respect yourself enough to not be his "fall back girl." You know if he dumped you once to go date someone else, he will do it again.
He didn't make any effort to contact you in almost a year.
Maybe you should wait a year to reply.
that is the wrong thing to do ... Caliguy ..while I respect your opinion your advice borders on anger..
MissC.. Since you have had NC for a year then Email him back with a short and to the point email..
Point blank ask him why the email after a year and see how he responds..
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~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~
that is the wrong thing to do ... Caliguy ..while I respect your opinion your advice borders on anger..
MissC.. Since you have had NC for a year then Email him back with a short and to the point email..
Point blank ask him why the email after a year and see how he responds..
AC, no offense taken. I'm not basing my opinion on anger. He just made no effort to contact her for an entire year, now out of the blue he emails her?
If she wants to email him, that's entirely her choice. I just feel there is a line of self-respect here that's being crossed.
If she does ask him why the email, I'd wait at least a week or two before replying.
I wouldn't email him back, regardless of your feelings for him. He dumped you. That demonstrates that he doesn't want you.
Now he emails you. He either regrets his decision to dump you--after a YEAR???--or he needs to see that you still want him, as his confidence is a little shaken by something happening in his life.
That is how I would look at it, but I have never been in a position where I wasn't able to move on, eventually.
If you did email him back, what would you say? I don't think I could come up with anything that didn't sound needy at best or horribly mean at worst. Better left alone.
I don't see the problem in e-mailed him back. Maybe....just maybe....he regrests his initial decision. Or maybe he just wants to say hi. I've had an ex do that . It's happened. I know people who have gotten together after many years of not talking. I guess it depends on how you feel and why he broke up with you in the first place. I think it's fine to just reply with a short e-mail and see what happens.
I wouldn't email him back, regardless of your feelings for him. He dumped you. That demonstrates that he doesn't want you.
Now he emails you. He either regrets his decision to dump you--after a YEAR???--or he needs to see that you still want him, as his confidence is a little shaken by something happening in his life.
That is how I would look at it, but I have never been in a position where I wasn't able to move on, eventually.
If you did email him back, what would you say? I don't think I could come up with anything that didn't sound needy at best or horribly mean at worst. Better left alone.
That's basically what I've been trying to say. A year is a long time to all the sudden email someone. THere's an agenda here but I believe she will lose some self-respect if she emails him, at least right away. It will definitely come off needy.
I don't see the problem in e-mailed him back. Maybe....just maybe....he regrests his initial decision. Or maybe he just wants to say hi. I've had an ex do that . It's happened. I know people who have gotten together after many years of not talking. I guess it depends on how you feel and why he broke up with you in the first place. I think it's fine to just reply with a short e-mail and see what happens.
She said that he dumped her, most likely to date someone else. Now out of the blue, a year later, he emails her? For what purpose?
Yes, she can email him but I would wait a least a week and only say the following: "What did you need?"
Who cares if he regretted his initial decision. Doesn't seem like it bothered him when he dumped her and throughout a whole year.
A year is a long time to work on whatever issues prevented him from having a relationship with you before. Ibroke up with my husband when we were dating. We didn't talk for a year then we started again. Now we're married. During that year we both had a lot of stuff happen to us that changed everything.
I see nothing wrong with making a friendly reply. Just try not to have any expectations. Just say hello to the guy, if you want to.
Who cares if he regretted his initial decision. Doesn't seem like it bothered him when he dumped her and throughout a whole year.
with that kind of attitude Caliguy you are going to be single a very long time..
People change .. People forgive..Time has a way of changing things.. i'm not saying jump into bed with him I'm saying to email him and find out what he wants.. WTF is wrong with that..
when has being in a relationship been about not communicating with someone ?
so a year passed.. small amount of time if they get back together have 4 kids and live the rest of their lives together..
It's not like this is within the first few weeks of the breakup..
from my personal experience there have been a couple of ex's that i didn't speak with for months, sometimes almost a year, after the breakup... i agree that people change over time and somehow our formers, to a certain extent, always remain in our hearts... i think it's ok to respond, but find out why he initiated contact, and i agree with caliguy that you should wait a little bit, maybe a few days to a week...
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*sometimes truth is loud and the other times it is very silent; but no matter what the truth brings, it is always accompanied by a quiet pain...* - sc
The question is not whether you should reply, it is whether you WANT to reply!
Think hard about it before you make a decision ..... What do you stand to gain from replying? What are your feelings about him? Does he still have the power to hurt you? Do you want to hear something from him that may hurt you?
He could be mailing you to tell you he has just got married or some over thing that could knock you for six!
Just think about what YOU want to do and how contacting him benefits YOU - This is not about him honey its all about YOU!
Good luck and let us know what you do and the outcome!
Well, I agree with Lishy's point that you should be cautious and check your expectations at the door. You don't know what he wants, and it's possible that whatever it is could be painful to you.
But overall, I think Art's right - you can't hold on to anger forever. And in your case, you've said you're having trouble moving on (probably because it ended so bewilderingly). It may be that you'll talk to him and find that you don't really still love him, just the memory or your own idealized version of him. Who knows? Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with replying, after a day or so, with a simple, "Hello, how are things?" and then see what he wants.
with that kind of attitude Caliguy you are going to be single a very long time..
AC, it's simply a matter of self-respect, that's all.
Quote:
People change .. People forgive..Time has a way of changing things.. i'm not saying jump into bed with him I'm saying to email him and find out what he wants.. WTF is wrong with that..
I mentioned I agreed with you on this, I just wouldn't be jumping to email him right away.
Quote:
when has being in a relationship been about not communicating with someone ?
so a year passed.. small amount of time if they get back together have 4 kids and live the rest of their lives together..
It's not like this is within the first few weeks of the breakup..
Remember she mentioned he dumped her for another girl. Now a year has passed and he's emailing her again. I don't totally disagree with emailing him but I would be skeptical.
Remember the adage "Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me."
All I am trying to get across to her is really that she should guard her heart. If he dumped her once for someone he could do it again.
I do agree she needs to get to the bottom of what has changed and why he is emailing her but again, I think she should take her time getting back to him. He sure took his getting back to her.
It is a very difficult situation in that, on the one hand, I wouldn't want him to think that he could just walk back into my life because things haven't worked out with the other girl (I suspect that he left me for someone else, I don't know this for sure though) because I have moved on in terms of my life without him, I am happy, I have a good life and have coped very well without him. I hadn't actually thought about him for quite a while which is why the email was a bit surprising.
I suppose I haven't moved on in the sense that I do still love him, but if it was that easy to stop loving someone because they stopped loving you, none of us would be on here, would we?!
I was very, very happy with him and thought we would be together forever (ha!). So if he was interested in coming back, would I be cutting my nose off to spite my face, if I told him to get lost?
I guess most of you are right in that I need to know what his motives are for contacting me - I need to know if he is genuinely regretting his decision to leave or if it just because things haven't worked out with the new girl and he wants me as a back-up until something better comes along rather than be alone......or, he might genuinely want to say hello with nothing more to it than that!!......oh, life is hard!
I think I shall leave it alone for a few more days and maybe email hello back and just ask him want he wants and see what happens.
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