This will be a long one folx. I feel like im going against the grain in all walks of life.
I:
Live with in laws and hubby in ther very big dark cold home.
Im a contract worker and work away in another town. where i commute by train.
Stay with a friend during the week, whom a adore and her house is warm, and she likes that i stay with her.
No one is happy i work in another town; but i cant find work in this town or anything close at the moment. I dont like living with family and being newly weds.
Im having the hardest time passing a driving here jus cus i have test anxiety.
i driven back in the states for years no problem. even tho i took the test at home 4x.=/..My father in law is a retired shrink and the best can do is tell me i need to pass otherwise ppl will laugh at me.
When i am actually looking for workIn laws think i dont do enuff at home when i am here. i clean the bathroom, do laundry, cook, dishes and they want me to be more domestic, but thats just not me. And my hubby knows that; it was discussed when we married. Im career oriented. I didnt put myself through a private university to stay at home in some hick town to entertain my in laws because they get bored.
.
at the end of the day feel so low. i think iv let everyone down as a wife, daughter in law.
My hubby doesnt want to moveout yet cus we dont pay as much rent here as we wud elsewhere and we want to buy a home. he says its more cost effective, we will save more and its a matter of 2 years; which makes sense. but feel like im loosing my grip on reality and the outside world when i stay in this house for longer than a few hours.
i dont know how to cope im new here and dont have many friends.
So basically you're selling out your mental health for the dream of owning your own home?
Why would this be ok?
What is of more value?
Find some place cheap to live on your own for 2 years. It'll be better than what's happening now. Don't know how to respond to work situation right now, but it sounds like you like living with your friend better than with your husband and may feel guilty about that, even though --no wonder, if he considers a financial goal more important than your happiness.
Get online for a place to rent. With any luck, you could find a place closer to work that would cut down on the cost of commuting (and the commute time). You might find an apartment that doesn't cost a whole lot more than what you are paying now. And isn't your mental health and your marriage worth a couple extra bucks a month?
While you are looking, take a look at your in-laws' house. Any portion that you can brighten up, do so. Open the drapes or blinds. Talk them into painting the inside - or at least letting you paint your space. (I currently live with - and pay rent to - my daughter to help her make ends meet. When I first arrived there, she had broken up with her boyfriend and the blinds were always closed. It was very depressing, which spoke of her feelings. Anyway, I would leave the blinds closed in the morning, but when I'd get home, I'd open them only until the sun went down. After a while, I started opening them before both of us went to work in the morning. Little by little, they were open all day. Now, she is opening the blinds on her own. She is feeling better and in more control of her life.) I think getting some sunlight into your living quarters will do you a world of good - rather than feeling like you are living in a cave.
Does your husband work in the same town that you live in or does he also work in another town? Both of you working in another town is reason enough to find an apartment.
I think you need to be up-front with your husband. You need to tell him that the situation is not good for you - either one of you. If you can start a conversation armed with information, you will be more likely to get him to listen.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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