[jed]

My head is all over the place at the moment and I am looking for some advice!
I was going out with a girl for 3 years until Aug 05 when she called it a day. We had a very volatile relationship as we lived approx 200 miles away from each other and saw each other at weekends.

I decided to move back to where I grew up and the plan was for her to move over and live with me. I had said that she needed to make a decision about moving over as i I was feeling a lot of confusion as she was not committing. Our initial distance from each other caused a lot of problems and we were both waiting to see if this calmed down before she made the move.

There was a period of approx 3 months before we broke up where we were really not getting on but still had very strong feelings for each other. We continued to speak all the time after we broke up but approx 6 weeks ago she said that we should not speak (as I had already suggested) as it was too hard to move on. Anyway we have not spoken and I was beginning to move on from the relationship. Anyway the other day I received a text message to say that she was visiting a friend near where I lived and it was wierd for her being here.

She basically said she was over visiting her friend and I replied "great, have a nice time". Anyway it annoyed me that she did this, although it probably felt odd for her being near me, i thought it was a bit off that she thinks she cant dictate when we speak. I know that our feelings were very strong for each other at one point and that we still have feelings for each other but her contact brought up alot of memories again. Should I contact her to say not to contact me again if she is over visiting her friend or should I just leave it, take the highground and forget about.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[CaliGuy]

I would not have replied to her text message. What's the purpose of her telling you she is visiting a friend other than to keep you on her line? Focus on healing and improving yourself. If she wants to get back together she'll make it clear.

She might be testing your resolve, who knows? Really, unless she is saying the magic words (I screwed up, I'm sorry, I want you back) then anything else is junk.

[bendit]

Don't contact her to tell her you are not contacting her.
Go Silent. You sound young. You had a volatile long distance relationship. It seemed doomed from the beginning. Those don't work and are actually a sign of dysfunction btw. I would start protecting yourself by preventing her from doing that again. Can you change your number? Can you block her emails? The less contact you have with her the faster you heal. Period.

regards

[sick of it]

out of curiosity, whats the problem with that? why cant you say why youre not talking to them...whats wrong with being honest and saying "i cant talk to you while i have these feelings for you. i may always have them and therefore may never be able to again. i want to, but its not fair to me or you"...or something like that

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by sick of it

out of curiosity, whats the problem with that? why cant you say why youre not talking to them...whats wrong with being honest and saying "i cant talk to you while i have these feelings for you. i may always have them and therefore may never be able to again. i want to, but its not fair to me or you"...or something like that

You can say it, but realize when you do so you're making a statement that can't be retracted.

Sometimes things are better left unsaid because you won't have to go back and explain it later.

It's like when someone sends a 'final' email, then sends another one when the ex makes contact. They think "well he said that was the final email and now he is emailing me back. Can't keep his word!" etc.

All I am saying is you are giving finality to something.

Action speaks louder than words. You can talk about NC until the cows come home but actually implementing it, well, silence speaks volumes.

[serial muse]

How does a poster manage to have zero posts?

[Mariella43]

I'm going thru the same thing - two weekends ago my ex called my home and cell phone and drove by my house, etc. He never left any messages - just dangled a carrot by letting himself show up on my caller ID fully knowing I'd see his name and call him back. I did.

I called him saying "You called me, you drove by - what's up with all this?". Then no response.

I think some ex's enjoy setting out landmines. It's gameplaying B.S. and takes ALOT of restraint not to respond.

Learn from my mistake - I responded to my ex and once again he's ignoring me. He just wanted to see if he could get a rise out of me.

[skeptik224]

I believe that someone on one of these threads once said...

Silence is the most profound goodbye you'll never hear.


Don't contact them