[Isabella38]

My husband and I have been seperated a year after being married 11 years and knowing each other all of our lives since we were little kids playing together. A few years back I cheated and he has never forgiven me. We have 2 daughters together and I have another one from a previous marriage. We sold our house and the kids and I moved into an apartment and he moved not far from me. We still talk everyday and he comes over and has dinner and sometimes spends the night ( but with no sex involved), does his laundry. I wrote him a letter and apologized for anything and everthing that I had ever done to hurt him and for the past few months he has had this "greater than thou" attitude with me. I asked him today if he wanted to try and work things out and he said "I really don't think so". I love him alot and I just want my family back. Any suggestions???

[Art_Critic]

To the OP:

I think that if you haven't tried marriage counseling then that would be the route to go.. he is going thru a lot with the loss of trust and betrayal and right now he most likley thinks he can never trust you again..

[dgiirl]

Isabella, the first thing to learn is where and where not to get advice. Clearly UTlonghorn is not someone you can get constructive criticism because he has his own issues to work through.

I agree with Art's advice. I would get some kind of counselling, whether marriage if your husband will agree to go, or atleast individual counselling. You need to figure out why you cheated in the first place. Were there problems that after cheating your guilt is simply covering? You need to evaluate if you really really want to be in this relationship and not simply because you feel guilty for cheating. You also need to figure out how it happened and a way to prevent it in the future. Counselling can help you get a clearer understanding of the situation.

Right now, your husband is having his cake and eating it too. He still has you doing all the wifely duties, yet he can go to his own home and sleep with whomever he wants. Why would he want to change the situation? Maybe this is bad advice, but if it was me, I wouldnt be doing his laundry and cooking him dinners. Take a look at marriagebuilders.com

[Isabella38]

Thanks dgirl, I thought about stopping everything that I do for him and let him see how it is. He told me this morning on the phone that he just needs to get over everything and that hopefully we can get back together in the future. Future??? Maybe I will be available and maybe I won't.......

[dgiirl]

Wow, talk about mixed signals. I understand that he's hurt, but he's had a year to get over the initial feelings of betrayal and decide what he wants to do. I still think counselling is a good idea. They'll be able to work with you and figure out what to do with your husband.