Okay, I know many of you have probably heard this a million times before but I have two strict asian parents. A mom that does all the talking and a dad that follows everything the mom says. Now here's a little intro to the problem. I'm twenty three, have a job in a pharmaceutical company as a production supervisor, making decent cash and I just graduated last year from university. Now I met my girlfriend when I moved home from school and began dating steadily for over six months. She slept over at my house last night and this was a big no-no for my parents. I don't know why but it is, it must be an asian thing. My mom freaked out at me and so did my dad. I haven't talked to them since about it yet but this has led me to sway towards buying a house and moving out but I haven't got enough saved yet. The problem also is that i want to take more schooling in september to get a better job for the future.
There are big familly issues here because my parents think i'm always out too much and i don't think about the future. They dont' like that i'm dating a white girl because it's not traditional and they just generally don't seem to like what i do with anything. They love my brother cause he's young and 17 and they spoil him. He is a typical hermit asian boy, never had a girlfriend, never goes out, always plays video games and stays in his room. To my parents, that is acceptable behaviour. My problem is, how do I deal with overbearing negative parents that always seem to hate what I do with my life all the time??? I can't find any way to please them, I'm saving money yet they don't appreciate me, I have a beautiful, smart, charming girlfriend, yet they don't like her because she's 21 and they think she won't get her college degree. Please help me figure this asian parenting thing out. I can always solve other people's problems but never my own. Thank you.
I had to take my mother and break her over my knee. Seriously, though, you just have to move out and deal with their *****storm until they grow up and accept that you are not an appendage that they can move around as they want.
I only have an asian mother, thank god for my white father. She didn't speak to me for an entire year after I moved out and I was like, tough, lady. Deal with it. Eventually she did.
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I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
You're in a tough spot and it seems your folks are very traditional so really, any hopes of them changing their views are slim to none.
I suggest you keep your personal life to yourself. There is no need for them to know what you do when you're not at home. You're working and old enough now to be able to make it on your own, but right now it's cheaper living at home. So, the choices you have are, stay there and keep mum about your life, or find yourself a house to rent with afew people and live how you want to live your life.
Dont' try to please your parents. I know you want their approval, but it will be alot easier for you if you make yourself happy first. Are you happy with how your life is? Your job, the money you make? Are you proud of yourself? My guess is YES. And I also bet your folks are happy with you too, they just won't say it the way you want to hear it.
Don't compare yourself to your brother. You both are in two different places in life, and you're older.
I'm not Asian, but I do understand the crap that goes on when you have two parents who won't budge or make compromises.
Good luck and hopefully someone else can give you more input on how to deal with them!
yes moving out is definitely an option but like i said, i really don't want to do that if i'm trying to save money. moving out will mean half my paycheck is going to bills alone. not to mention furniture, appliances and all that *****. it's not logical to move out. I just want to know why they freaked out about having my girlfriend sleep over and why we dont' get along on the same page.
I am from an asian country (India) and this is exactly what I hate about the system there. Parents think that we are just extensions of them and refuse to see us as individuals. Their way of upbringing kind of spoils the kids and makes them less independent. When the kids grow up and become adults they find it difficult to think on their own and make their own decisions. You can very easily see that Asians lack the real world experience and skills. They may be very good academically but their social skills and other important life skills are pathetic!
In the previous company that I worked, my lead (Indian) who just had a child was asked about what name he is planning for his kid. His reply was "My parents and my wife's parents will choose the name for my kid." Parents pretty much decide everything there - what you are going to study, where you are going to live, who you are going to marry... blah blah blah.
Fortunately for me, my family was very very different. They never forced me on anything and are very open minded. But I have seen my friends suffer b'cos of this upbringing style.
I suggest that you move out and live your own life. You can respect your parents but you also got to live your life the way you want to. You sound like a mature and responsible person with very clear ambitions. Let your brother stay at home and be the "good mama's boy", you go out and live your life.
All the best to you!
__________________ "She keeps a picture of me in her apartment in the city;
Some things in this world man, they don't make sense" -- Bright Lights, Matchbox 20
yes moving out is definitely an option but like i said, i really don't want to do that if i'm trying to save money. moving out will mean half my paycheck is going to bills alone. not to mention furniture, appliances and all that *****. it's not logical to move out. I just want to know why they freaked out about having my girlfriend sleep over and why we dont' get along on the same page.
HELLLOOOOO, it's called culture clash. My mom thinks it's indecent for a single woman to be out after dark. It's totally irrational and mostly you can't get them to "come around" no matter how illogical the whole thing is.
If that is their house rule -NO sleepovers, then respect that. If you want to have sleepovers with your girlfriend, see if you can sleep at her house, or the two of you can rent a hotel room together.
Now, if you are helping or paying rent abit at home, then maybe having a sleepover is something your folks will think about it...But I doubt it, especially since you have a younger brother - Who they think probably looks up at you. So in their minds they may think you're not setting a good example for him. Don't worry - Things will fall into place as they should - You may just have to bend to their ways to make them happy until you can move out on your own.
HELLLOOOOO, it's called culture clash. My mom thinks it's indecent for a single woman to be out after dark. It's totally irrational and mostly you can't get them to "come around" no matter how illogical the whole thing is.
hey blindotter,
you're right, it is culture clash. it's a pain in the ass and if i had it my way, i'd get them to kiss my ass about it. but for now, i'll just have to live in the background and keep to myself. thanks for your tips guys. it's been great.
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Parents pretty much decide everything there - what you are going to study, where you are going to live, who you are going to marry... blah blah blah.
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