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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

 
 
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Old 20th February 2006, 3:05 AM   #1
Mary3
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Talking What Profiles *really* mean...

What on line profiles really mean :

A few extra pounds = 50 extra pounds over BMI ( Not 5 or 10 pounds )

Just looking for friends right now = I really just want to have uncomplicated sex with you.

No baggage please = I have alot of baggage but I am making sure you dont because I am worrying about baggage...

The reason I don't have a pic here = I am married , I am fugly as all hell, I dont know how to use a digital camera , I dont want my friends to know I am on here.

My friend told me to do this = I have to say my friend told me to do this because I don't want to seem desperate in case you run into me and my friend really didnt tell me to do this...

No game players please = I have been played with so much that I am on Prozac and I continue to believe in these online sites so I would appreciate if you wouldnt play any games because I am going to have a nervous breakdown

Be Honest please = Most of the girls on here have lied like hell about their weight and have cheated before during and after meeting me so please be honest . If I were really honest with myself I would not keep finding liars everytime I go on a date .

Successful professional male = I might or might not be successful at all but if I put that in my profile I will attract gold diggers and even maybe YOU.

No flakers please = I have been stood up so many times that I need to put that in here but of course I realize that even more flakers will see this and flake me out even more

Lets get to know eachother = Lets just have sex and find out how well it goes

I've reached the end of my rope with skanks ,whore, biatches and wonder if there are any nice girls out there ? = This guy is hatin' and if you even give him a chance you will regret it
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Old 20th February 2006, 3:07 AM   #2
BigB
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lol, it's funny cuz it's true
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Old 20th February 2006, 3:10 AM   #3
Mary3
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Wink tanks :)

Thanks B You know its true dat !
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Old 20th February 2006, 3:20 AM   #4
witabix
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LOL!

Years ago I used to read the lonely hearts adds in papers, they always made me smile.

"Male, Virgo, almost 6' considered muscular, blond, early 30's, runs successful business, own car and house, yacht in the Bahamas and Gite in S. France. Seeks a professional lady for fun and romance"

I always interpreted that stuff....

"Male, twit, 5'1", .......by skinny pygmies, mispelled bald, if I were a dog, busking musician, in pieces behind Mums house(But I am in the will), got a poster of a yacht on my bedroom wall, took French 101 flunked but remember the word Gite, female required, pulse optional"

My daughter still does this! Must run in the family.
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Old 20th February 2006, 3:34 AM   #5
Mary3
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Talking Lol Witabix !

Its soo true.

I wonder what percentage really have a yacht in Bermuda ?

4 homes and one in the south of France ?

Well hung and * able * to please ( Me~ thinks 4 inches and some Viagra )

Successful Business ? ( Does that mean licking stamps and selling on Ebay ?

Seeks professional lady for romance ? ( Does that mean he wants her to make loads of money because he is going on unemployment as soon as they hook up ?

I loved the part you said about a * picture of a yacht on the wall * LOL !
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Old 20th February 2006, 3:47 AM   #6
witabix
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Ha maybe we could write the quintessential LS'ers profile?

I'll do the male...

"Nice guy, considered tall, when not being a doormat. Likes porn, and is popular with the ladies, love to check them out at strip clubs. Enjoys games, like Manipulation Monoploy and Passive/Aggressive Snakes and More Snakes. Incredibly handsome, love to look at my own reflection in the swiming pool. Seeks woman, truthful, scrupulously honest, virgin, millionairess, who owns a Strip Club and loves to give BJ's"

So, how about the Ladies version?
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Old 20th February 2006, 4:12 AM   #7
Mary3
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Talking OMG Funny !

Bad girl with wild side but good girl when she should be~ seeks a handsome tall male with a thick plumbing device who likes to make love 2 times a day and loves oral !@ lol. Always been curious about what goes on in a Strip Club so looking for male who wants to take me in one...I wont rape your wallet and I wont fake orgasms and I wont tell you "no that didnt hurt having sex for 4 hours honey". I promise not to hog the remote and I dont have fleas .
Did I mention I like Oral ?
LOL !
( My ad is likely what I would put if I could )
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Old 20th February 2006, 4:38 AM   #8
witabix
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We should stick them on a dating site somewhere and see what replies we get!

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Old 20th February 2006, 7:04 AM   #9
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LOL! It's so funny because it's true.
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Old 20th February 2006, 7:55 AM   #10
jen_jen_heartbroken
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary3
No game players please = I have been played with so much that I am on Prozac and I continue to believe in these online sites so I would appreciate if you wouldnt play any games because I am going to have a nervous breakdown
Oh crap. You got me Mary3. I'd so feel like putting this on my profile, if I still had one.
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Old 20th February 2006, 9:31 AM   #11
alphamale
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary3
Just looking for friends right now = I really just want to have uncomplicated sex with you.
what the above should say:

Just looking for friends right now = I'm married or dating someone right now, but if you're really really hot I may consider jumping ship....
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Old 20th February 2006, 10:03 AM   #12
lindya
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"Looking for soulmate for cosy nights in..." (Would like fellow Doritos-chomping sloth to dent the other side of my sofa).
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Old 20th February 2006, 10:21 AM   #13
barfool
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I've been told I'm handsome = my mother told me so

Looking for a nice girl = perhaps if I find someone as much of a doormat as me I won't be forced to take two jobs to pay her rent

Enjoy nice dinners and long conversations = will let you upsize it at McDonalds before I jump you in the parking lot

Want to pamper you = will stroke your hair as I push your head into my lap
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Old 20th February 2006, 10:24 AM   #14
alphamale
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how about the ones that say they like to take walks on the beach even though there isn't a beach within 1,000 miles of where they live
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Old 20th February 2006, 11:04 AM   #15
witabix
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale
how about the ones that say they like to take walks on the beach even though there isn't a beach within 1,000 miles of where they live
They usually do say LONG walks! And sometimes mention the moonlight, just not that it takes six weeks to get to the beach. Assuming the don't hitch a ride on freight train.
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