[Jacque70]

I'm getting married in April and am getting excited about it though I have one concern. I broke up with a guy I was dating casually for a few months in order to get back together with my boyfriend after he realized how he really felt about me. The confusing part for me now is that I still feel chemistry with the guy here. From the start I didn’t see a real future with him, though there was real chemistry. In addition to the fact that I knew he'd be moving in May, we have different beliefs, I think he drinks too much, and he isn't sure he wants kids and I do. But we enjoyed each other’s company and ended on a friendly note.

I feel very close to my fiance and love him. We can talk about anything (except this I guess), have similar views of what we want our future to look like, and even have the same job. I’m 35 and haven’t been married. I’ve had long term relationships and cancelled an engagement over 6 years ago. Sometimes I feel that I’ve been drawn to people who haven’t been serious but with whom I’ve had lots of chemistry so I don't want to fall into that situation again.

My fiancé is living far away but the guy I was seeing lives here and I still see almost every day at lunch, in the hallway, etc (though I’ve kept my distance). I’m feeling very guilty and wondering what it means. I know I won’t go back to the guy here but why do I feel this way about him? Is it distance, cold feet or something else? Has anyone else felt this way?

[Mary3]

Its called * chemistry * you both have it and you need to accept that.

I am not saying you should act upon it .

As a matter of fact , I would try to avoid that person but likely even years later, chemistry can last for a long long time.

I know I had an bf when I was 14. Many years later I ran into him again and still felt that pull. I did not act upon it of course but it was still there...

[katie79]

feeling attraction to someone else is perfectly healthy an normal when you are in a committed relationship w/someone else. It's all normal as long as you don't act on it.
So, don't feel bad about your attraction/chemestry, because it will happen w/plenty of other men in your lifetime.

I mean, unless you feel from the depths of your soul you are meant to be with this other guy and not your fiance, then by all means, don't feel dumb about any of this, just do what you feel is right.

[amerikajin]

"Chemistry"? Hmmm...I like the word 'attraction' a lot better - it's more fitting.

Attraction's a powerful thing. It's there, and it's something that's difficult to ignore. People often end up dating or marrying someone but later realize that they are more attracted to other people. The key is to marry someone you are attracted to. In the course of your relationship, you will encounter people you are extremely attracted to, and they will give you goosebumps. That's why you have to have at least some attraction and more importantly, a deep connection to the person you're with to override that. It's when the connection's missing that a person begins to question their relationship: 'Wow! This new guy at the office rocks - and he thinks I'm all that, too! What am I doing with my man again?!' But if there's a connection, that same person says 'I'm flattered but I wouldn't replace what I have with my man for the world - it's irreplaceable.'

But I've sensed at least once that a woman was with someone else, but really liked me instead. I couldn't act upon it, but I wanted to. She wanted me to but didn't know how to get out of it. Nothing ever came of it, and I think it's for the best. But I know it happens...