I dated this guy off and on for 8 years, but consistently for the last two. We've been in a long distance relationship for much of this time and had only been able to see eachother on weekends which sometimes caused conflict in the relationship. I recently moved into his town (5 months ago)to see if most of our problems were a result of the distance. We maintained separate apartments since neither of us wanted to live together before marriage.

Everything has been going great and we've both been happier than ever together. A few weeks ago completely out of the blue he freaked out and decided we shouldn't be together right now. He says he is in love with me and loves being with me but is still unsure if I'm the "one" and doesn't want me to resent him if we spend another 3 years together and nothing changes. I haven't been pressuring him to marry me but I do question whether it should take so long to know if I'm it. I just don't understand how everything could be going so well (his words not mine) but than have this happen all of sudden. I told him we'd have to do NC b/c I can't be half involved. Anyhow I'm just not sure where to go from here and how to get over this. In my mind I think he just needs time to figure out that I am it and get over his fear of committment. Am I fooling myself into thinking he's afraid of committment versus coming to terms that he just doesn't want me? How can I be so sure and him so unsure?

[LonelyinOhio]

8 years of on and off -- even if it was "on" recently -- should answer your question. I can relate to this situation, almost entirely. And I can tell you -- you shoulda both come to this conclusion long ago - if you were ever gonna be married to this guy, it would've happened several years back. You probably already know this, you just are afraid to admit it. He just admitted it to you.

So, yes, you must move on, and break from him. Mourn this loss, maintain absolutely no contact, and slowly create a new - and better - life for yourself. This will be very hard and very painful, but it's not nearly as painful as spending your life in this back and forth situation you've been in for so long.

HARD lesson here -- but DON'T LOOK BACK. Look ahead. There's someone better out there waiting for you. Go find yourself first, then find him. You'll be thankful you did.