I'm recently engaged, to a man I have only been with for not even 3 months yet. I know this is very soon, I am still in college and my fiancee has just graduated a couple months ago. He is so sweet, and so caring, and would do anything for me, I don't doubt that for a second. This sound completly rediculous but I think sometimes its way too sweet. I have had other serious relationships before, where as he has never had a girlfriend, never slept with anyone before. When he does something sweet and I tell him how much I love it...he decides then he should do it all of the time. Its like, getting a flower once and loving it because its so sweet...and then getting one three times a day it doesn't seem special at all anymore...and gets a bit boring. Some people that I've talked to, and including him, say its just a young relationship thing and that hes trying to hard. I'm trusting in this fact because I hear that things that bug you now you should multiply by 10 and thats how much its gonna bug you in a marraige.
Has anyone else had problems like this....(and maybe think too much about things like I do) that make you doubt things 25% of the time..but make you so sure for the rest of the time?
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Girl you thought it was a man but it was a MUFFIN
I think it's all a matter of approach and communication. You should be able to talk to him and tell him that you like the things he does spontaneously on occasion but if he does them all the time, they lose their specialness. Assure him that you love him and you know he loves you so he doesn't have to work so hard to prove it.
It's funny but some of the things that did or would have annoyed my when done by the ex now amuse me when my wife does them. That's where the approach comes in, and the love.
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"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
thank you so much for your responce, it really is about the love, the love in there and so is the communication thankfully....we are both two people you can deal with and like the use of brutal honesty. He knows how I'm feeling and thinks that its an early thing...I guess I'm still just looking to know if I'm being immature thinking that these things will just dissapear if they really seem to be symptoms of a new relationship.
I'm still just looking to know if I'm being immature thinking that these things will just dissapear if they really seem to be symptoms of a new relationship.
over time and you settle into the relationship. The euphoria doesn't last forever but the love can and should.
A successful relationship is damned hard work. You have to romancd one another every day but that can be done in small ways, l9ittle kindnesses, consideration for the others wants, desires and feelings, maybe a little note, a single flower just because, a special dinner, touching in passing, kisses and I love yous, calls if you're going to be late or just to hear the other's voice, you get the idea.
Yes, the problem being though, that he does all of these things...too much!! I never thought I would be complaining about that...hahaha
Its like, he has too much consideration for my wants and not enough for his own, and i've told him that maybe he just needs to be a little more selfish. These sweet things are wonderful, but when they happen 24/7 they get rediculous.....
I'm recently engaged, to a man I have only been with for not even 3 months yet
This is a HUGE mistake. I hope you haven't planned a wedding date yet or if you have, that it's at least a year away. No matter how well you think you can know someone in three months, the fact is that you don't know him that well. Anyone who is older than twelve has already lived a fair chunk of life and had time to develop issues and bad habits and even have secret lives you know nothing about. It takes time to really know someone and the very fact that he's asked you to marry this fast is a red flag. Often, men with fairly serious issues rush women into agreeing to marry (and marrying) so that they can 'hook' the women before the women realize how serious their problems are.
I would definitely slow down if I were you. You may end up regretting this hasty decision very much.
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These sweet things are wonderful, but when they happen 24/7 they get rediculous.....
And so it begins. It's possible you've found yourself one of those fellows with chronically poor self-esteem who will turn himself into a lapdog for you, do every single thing you ask, and then end up resenting you (or worse) for it. You do NOT want to be stuck with someone like that. Already you're expecting him to change and, believe me, it's fatal to marry someone thinking he will change.
Last edited by Outcast; 18th February 2006 at 1:02 PM.
mmm...outcast thank you very much for your advice...I have been seeing this is very hasty myself.
But, yes, we are not planning on getting married for about 2 years even though no date is set yet...2 years sounds good to both of us. I like knowing that a date isn't set yet because I am in no way going to marry someone still having doubts like this...that I am sure of. Time will be the only thing right now that can show what its going to be like in the future.
I know he doesn't have low self esteem, but he is a mama's boy do a very demanding mama...haha.
The last thing I ever want to do is tell someone they have to change for me, I don't think its possible to get people to change for you...and that if they want to change they will change for their own reasons. I'm just thinking that this issue here is something that will gradually change on its own...with no real pressure. Just like people who married super romantic men 10 years ago now say most of the time that the romance is gone and its all fallen into routine.
Hate to say it, but Outcast may be right. I was thinking the same thing but did not have the heart to tell you. Please get to know this person a lot better before you marry them.
Hate to say it, but Outcast may be right. I was thinking the same thing but did not have the heart to tell you. Please get to know this person a lot better before you marry them.
oh believe me I will be
The thing is that I totally see myself as being with this man for the rest of my life, and even though I was thinking this before he propsed to me, I still kind of wish that he proposed later than he did. We're not married yet and won't be for a few years, and this is a very good thing. He lives with his parents right now since he just graduated college and just got a job, and I told him that I would much rather he live on his own first before we move in together so he knows and I know that he can take care of himself, and that hes not just jumping into wanting to marry me just because.
I'm just thinking that this issue here is something that will gradually change on its own
If it doesn't (and I doubt it will) then don't marry him thinking marriage will bring about the change. People tend to stay in patterns that develop early. It takes a huge effort of will for them to change - and that only happens if and when they want to change.
Outcast, are you saying that you don't think that behavoir of being overly romantic won't calm down in the future? You hear time and time again about people who when they were dating someone, they were romantic...and as the years go by the tend to not be as much because its settled down more... So, you think I have one of those men that trys to hard to be romantic 24/7 and it won't ever calm down? If so why? Thanks
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things that bug you before you get married
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