I have read on this post that some wife's know that their husbands have had affairs. I just don't understand how these wives could still be with these men?
How could u trust them ever again?
How could u have sex with them knowing they had sex with the OW?
I just don't understand how these women stay with these men. If my husband ever cheated, i'd kick his butt out of the house so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him.
You ladies deserve so much better than to stay with a man who sleeps with other women!!!
How do u stay with them knowing that they cheated once & they could do it again?
Location: Straight North - sharp left turn at Happenstance
Posts: 1,794
I can only speak for myself, not others.
I know my husband will never cheat again. I've seen his pain over his actions, and his disgust with himself. I know that the problems in our relationship was not just his fault or mine. I know that I would be less happy without him than with him, and I know that the work we've done on our relationship is good work.
No one is perfect, not me, not my husband, and not some other unknown man that I won't meet because I've chosen to stay with my husband. I love my husband. That hasn't changed.
Now, what are you really asking, and why are you asking it? From previous posts I see that you are the cheater in your relationship. Are you asking if you will cheat again? Are you afraid that because you've cheated once that you'll always cheat? Only you can really answer that question, but I'd strongly suggest that you see someone to talk to.
I have read on this post that some wife's know that their husbands have had affairs. I just don't understand how these wives could still be with these men?
Because of their children, giving them a second chance, a chance to make it right. Because of how their lives are, history together, family, inlaws, friends, house expenses. And love.
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How could u trust them ever again?
By learning how to communicate, going to marriage counselling, fixing what was wrong in the marriage. I'm sure it isn't easy to do, but from what I've read from other people's experiences, it all comes down to, they still love that person who cheated. Ofcourse building up that trust again takes so much effort - But to those who are going through it all, it seemed worth giving their spouse a chance.
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How could u have sex with them knowing they had sex with the OW?
By forgiving them. Understanding why it happened in the first place.
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I just don't understand how these women stay with these men. If my husband ever cheated, i'd kick his butt out of the house so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him.
Sorry, but that statement makes no sense to me, considering you were the OW. People forgive more easily than others. And people make mistakes, noone is perfect.
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You ladies deserve so much better than to stay with a man who sleeps with other women!!!
Just like you deserve a single man, not a married man. Another question i don't understand considering you were the OW. Why did you stay with a MM knowing he was married and gave you broken promises over and over again?
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How do u stay with them knowing that they cheated once & they could do it again?
Because of love. Learning how to trust again, because of family, children and most of all, wanting to try to make it work. SO many people DO work their asses off to get past it all with the help of marriage counselling.
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I just don't get it!!!
Don't try to figure it out, everybody has different ways of handling their lives and what they think is best for them. What may be right for one couple, may not be right for the next couple. Each situation, and each person reacts differently. You may leave if your spouse cheats on you in the future, but honestly, I don't think anybody really knows wtf to do UNTIL they're faced with it and actually IN that particular situation. I'm sure you didn't think you'd ever be an OW, right? What you know now, all that pain, all that heartache and wasted time on someone who was married to someone else, you hopefully will never go through that again...Just as someone who was cheated upon, probably wouldn't stick around a second or third time if their spouse cheated again.
People who continually have more affairs after the first time they get caught, probably end up divorcing and/or separating eventually.
I thought the very samething, about kicking his cheating butt out if he ever had an A. I never thought my H would have an A, I trusted him 100%. I never thought I would take him back until it happened to me. The reason why I took him back was the reasons WWIU stated. I found out about my H's A after he told me he wanted a D. The exOW and him were having an EA b4 he said he wanted out of the M. From what he has told me the PA didn't start until after I kicked him out of our home.
WWIU said the samething I basically would have. As for the trust...there is still some trust issues there. As for the sex w/ the exOW...that hurts also but not as bad. I think it bugs me more than hurts. I just try not to think about it. Right now it seems like a bad dream but if I continue to think about it I'm only going to drive myself insane. I don't want my H to have another A, but I'm not going to waist my life and/or time hoping, and worrying that he doesn't. If he does I will be extremely hurt and upset again but I wont let it bring me down as much as his first A. I think the first A has made me a stronger person. If he has another A I will not turn back, I will be heading straight for the attornies office. I wont take him back a second time and I know that I can get a good, decent man so I'm not worried about that either.
I have read on this post that some wife's know that their husbands have had affairs. I just don't understand how these wives could still be with these men?
How could u trust them ever again?
How could u have sex with them knowing they had sex with the OW?
I just don't understand how these women stay with these men. If my husband ever cheated, i'd kick his butt out of the house so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him.
You ladies deserve so much better than to stay with a man who sleeps with other women!!!
How do u stay with them knowing that they cheated once & they could do it again?
I just don't get it!!!
My husban of 15 years cheeting on me five months ago. I'm trying to forget about it. When you get married, there is a say that says " be together in the good and bad time, it means if you or your spose do a mistake, for the first time you should forgive if you want to do it. I want to fix my marriage becasue i love my husband and because he is really sorry, men do those things one in their life. you may find out sometimes you even did not see it. It may happend to you and you may want your husband to forgive you. My husband knows that if he do it again, he will be out of may life forever.
Everyone has a different answer for how they would handle a cheating situation. And the answer is likely to change, depending on where you are in your life cycle. Some people insist they would never tolerate cheating (like RR, but I'm laughing at that since she is apparently a cheater herself). Others (like me) insist they won't tolerate further cheating after being duped once. Still others just aren't able to break away from a serial cheater, for any number of reasons. It's never black and white.
Ok my post could be for either the wife or the husband, sorry. I was just wondering thats all.
Silk, i don't know where u got that i was the cheater in my relationship. I was not, my married man was the one doing the cheating, not me. Even though my MM was married for the 3 years i was with him, i could honestly say the whole time that we were together, i never cheated on him.
Which, yes i deserve better than a married man too, thats why i left my married man.
I don't mean anything by my post, i was just wondering.
NO which, I never had a boyfriend while seeing my MM.
I did see someone after we ended it the 11th time, I did tell him about him when we got back. U must be thinking of someone else
The entire time that we were together, i never cheated on him.
Location: Straight North - sharp left turn at Happenstance
Posts: 1,794
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Originally Posted by RedRose73
Silk, i don't know where u got that i was the cheater in my relationship. I was not, my married man was the one doing the cheating, not me. Even though my MM was married for the 3 years i was with him, i could honestly say the whole time that we were together, i never cheated on him.
I have read on this post that some wife's know that their husbands have had affairs. I just don't understand how these wives could still be with these men?
How could u trust them ever again?dont
How could u have sex with them knowing they had sex with the OW?fake it
I just don't understand how these women stay with these men. If my husband ever cheated, i'd kick his butt out of the house so fast, he wouldn't know what hit him.has he cheated? I was suprised about how I actually handled it(not the way I pictured it)
You ladies deserve so much better than to stay with a man who sleeps with other women!!!98% of the time
How do u stay with them knowing that they cheated once & they could do it again?stupidity?
I just don't get it!!!
how bout this? can i stay at your house w/ my 8 kids, not go to work if I dont feel like it, and still have everything my family needs and all of the kids wants? hypothetically speaking
really I agree with everything you said. BUT not everything is as black and white as we want it too be.
Last edited by whats wrong with me; 18th February 2006 at 4:00 PM..
In my case, the MM was definately a serial cheater.
How do I know? His wife told me. In fact, according to her, I was affair #4. She also informed that she always knew when he was having an affair because he got, in her words, "giddy" while the affair was going on. And she always knew when the affair was over because he acted "depressed."
She also said that of all his affairs, "this one" (with me) was by far the most serious. She said on a scale of 1 to 10, his depressed level has hit a "10." And never has he left her for any of the others, whereas, this time around he did. Went crawling back when I couldn't hack the guilt of it all, of course, but I feel he went back for all the wrong reasons. Namely...convenience.
Do I think he'll cheat again? Absolutely. Does she? Well, if she doesn't she's beyond blind.
She and he are working to repair their marriage now and I have done everything possible to stay away from him, to not interfer with their progress. I wish them luck, but to be honest I think this marriage will eventually fall apart. You see, he's quite the charmer, the manipulator and I've no doubt he's telling her (and most likely the counselor) what he thinks they want to hear. He's doing everything he can to regain her trust so things can go back to "normal," which, of course, means that he'll have free reign to have another affair. I know this man and I KNOW he'll never remain faithful to her. He'll be "good" for however long it takes to convince her he's "remorseful" and will never do it again...but I know better. It's a shame she doesn't because she's a good woman and does not deserve to be treated like this.
This is not a case where he made "one" mistake. He has had four affair in the course of their 18-year marriage. Or, should I say....four affairs that we know of. Could've been more...she's not sure. But I can't help but wonder how she can stand it...how she could EVER trust him.
I found out about the other affairs later on during my relationship with him and it soured me in regards to a future with him. I ended it shortly after I found out. Not to mention I met his wife, and despite the fact that I wanted to dislike her, I found that I did indeed like her. She's a good woman, and even though she knew that I was the OW, she liked me as well. The whole thing was crazy...a sick triangle that I never again want to be in. Many people got hurt...stemmed by his lies and selfishness.
I am forced to see him at work on a daily basis and I am very cold towards him. I have absolutely NO respect for him or for men like him.
And for the women who can and WILL tolerate these types of men...more power to them.
Yes, people (men and women), DO make mistakes and should be given a second chance.
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You still participated in infidelity if your partner was married. Who are you trying to kid?
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