My ex and I are on good speaking terms. We broke up 5 months ago, but I still have feelings for her. She hasn't done anything to upset me, but I believe I need to go into NC so that I can move on and don't get hurt if she ever starts seeing someone. I don't want to hurt her feelings or be mean. I just need to stay away from her until I heal. Do I write a letter? Or do I just start ignoring her? I'm suppose to visit her in a couple weeks when she comes back for spring break. She's excited to see me. Help.
She hasn't done anything to upset me, but I believe I need to go into NC so that I can move on and don't get hurt if she ever starts seeing someone. I just need to stay away from her until I heal.
That's it RIGHT THERE! Tell her just that - and make sure you're clear and honest, and to the point about it. Tell her exactly what you just told us; that it's not that she's done anything to hurt you, you just want time to heal, and by talking to her, you simply can't move on. Tell her you need to find strength in yourself; by talking to her, you're only lying to her and yourself about what your true feelings are, and you don't want to do that.
Definitely tell her over the phone or through email or however you USUALLY communicate to her.
DO NOT just start it by ignoring her. That will definitely send the wrong idea; she'd probably view it as you being a jerk and take offense, or that she upset you in some way and will feel bad about herself.
__________________ I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm and the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know... Maybe I've had my happiness. I don't want to believe it, but there is no man, Jilly... Only that moon. - Sandra Bullock as "Sally" from the movie Practical Magic.
That's it RIGHT THERE! Tell her just that - and make sure you're clear and honest, and to the point about it. Tell her exactly what you just told us; that it's not that she's done anything to hurt you, you just want time to heal, and by talking to her, you simply can't move on. Tell her you need to find strength in yourself; by talking to her, you're only lying to her and yourself about what your true feelings are, and you don't want to do that.
Definitely tell her over the phone or through email or however you USUALLY communicate to her.
DO NOT just start it by ignoring her. That will definitely send the wrong idea; she'd probably view it as you being a jerk and take offense, or that she upset you in some way and will feel bad about herself.
would seeing her during her spring break be a bad idea? i could start NC after that, or is that a mistake?
why put yourself through the trouble? Faster you go to NC the faster you heal... I'm in the same boat cant really let go myself even though I know it what I need to do. So if its possible for you to not see her I guess I'd suggest it since it seems to work for everyone else.
I had the same dilema after I was dumped -- I told my ex to "please respect my boundaries, and make this our last communication. If I feel I can talk to you again someday I will contact you. Wish you the best;"
I did this in an email. I can tell you, as I found out once I started to heal and sent her an email explaining that I'm over the hard part, and I didn't want there to be any hard feelings, she was VERY angry at me for having initiated NC. She threw it back in my face..."so NOW you want to communicate? I don't think so!", etc. So I've seen the ugly side of this -- don't get me wrong, you have to do it - but be prepared for her not to see things your way. But DO IT ANYWAY, because you'll kill yourself otherwise.
I think it depends on what your relationship with your ex was like and the type of person he/she is. My ex and I ended on good terms. She just wasn't ready. She wants so much to be my friend. I told her that I wasn't ready to be just friends yet and my heart still needed time to heal. (this was about a month or so ago) She responded saying that she understands, she's sorry she hurt my heart and will wait as long as it takes for me to be ok with working on a friendship as long as she knows it's coming. She's been very respectful of my wishes. She contacted me once via e-mail and we talked a little bit about nothing. I then contacted her once. It's all about baby steps and what you are/are not capable of doing. I don't think that you should just blow it off all together. I think you owe it to yourself to have the conversation...for your own peace of mind. If you just stop all together, you're going to start to think about how she feels. Be honest, sincere and truthful to both of you.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
