[MissMegsy283]

Well... I don't really know where to start.
I am just a very clingy person, and I can't help it. I'm a very introverted, very to-myself type of gal... I have friends, but not friends I hang out with on a regular basis.
My boyfriend is my best friend... but, I'm finding out that that's not exactly a good thing. He needs his friends. He needs to have "guy" time. I'm more than willing to give it to him. And I do. But the second he's gone, I feel so lonely and so needy for his attention... like he is the only person who can make me happy and fulfill my life. I don't know what to do. I am falling apart. I know that it will eventually push him away... like it has all guys... How do I become more independent? I have to make this relationship work because I truly feel like he is my soul mate... and I know that if it ends, it will be because of this problem. Please help me... I am so desperate.

[Funnygirl]

Hey-
nobody wants to be with someone who thinks that you are their only reason for living....
so what else do you live for?
having a passion only for him is boring,
would you want to be in a relationship with someone who said-
"I only want to do what you want to do, i only like hanging out with you, and that's it, i don't have any other intrests or passions..."
boring. clingy and what/who are you living your life for?
YOURSELF!
people like being around people who have passion for lots of things- food, music, converstaions, travel, books, whatever- try and remember what it was like before you were together, and what you enjoyed doing back then, and if it is a blank,
and all you can think of is the guy before him....
well, it's time for you to find out who you are, and why you are on this earth besides being some guy's girlfriend.
Good luck.

[bab]

Originally Posted by MissMegsy283

I am just a very clingy person, and I can't help it.

Being able to realize that this is an issue is a good first step. Next, you need to change your language. Even saying I'm not sure what to do to help it, is a step in the right direction.

Now, what do you do? Get involved with other things, or pick up some other hobbies. There has to be something you want to know how to do. Some ideas:
Take up social dancing (not bump and grind, but something along the lines of swing dancing). This is a great way to meet different people, have fun, and fill up your time when your bf isn't around. If you look it up there are probably lessons nearby. Dancin' not your thing?

What about painting, or photography? Anything artsy that you can take lessons in.

Not artsy? What about joining a sports team? There are almost always rec leagues for softball. Or bowling leagues. They usually have something for begginners.

As "cool" as it sounds, knitting is something that you could pick up, and gives your hands something to do even when you feel lonely. It can help to change your focus from, when is he going to call??? to, hey, I bet if I hurry I can finish half this scarf before he calls. Also makes watching TV not seem like such a drain on your life because you accomplish something.

There are plenty of options. Pick one, or even two, and go for it! Basically, don't sit home waiting on him. Go out and live your life!!

Organize a girls night out. If you invite more than a couple girls, it won't matter that you don't know any of them particularly well.

Good luck and keep us updated!

[Becoming]

I agree with all of the above.

This really may be left over from some issues of abandonment and neglect earlier in your life. Could that be the case?

[unimoko]

Honey,

I am sorry to say this but I think you need to take a moment to exhale and take a time out of this relationship. I am not saying end all forms of communication but it seams like you are running yourself through the seams. Trust me on this.

I've had this happen before and it usually is because I reached the begining of the end of a relationship.

Its like your neediness radar is going out of control and you need to take control of yourself before it controls you


Best of luck

-unimoko

[helena abadi]

it looks as though you have acknowledged there's a problem, and that is the right first step to doing something about it. good for you, it's a brave move.

if you are not happy and always rely on someone else to make you happy, then your relationship is doomed to failure. co-dependency is a fast track to heartbreak. an extremely needy person is exhausting. try www.drirene.com for lots more great info on co-dependency.

this is a situation where therapy is a must, to discover why you are clingy, dependent, and have low self-esteem, relying so much on others for your happiness fix and security. low self-esteem has a major impact in all areas of your life.

in the end, being clingy will drive the other person away.