This is a very delicate situation. I just learned that this married man with whom I had an affair a long time ago lost his seven-year-old son (He has a younger child) to a chronic illness.

In fact this man was supposed to be "here" right now working with me in a production, but he cancelled due to this tragedy that actually occurred last January. He didn't have time to properly "grieve" in between because he was busy with new productions (he is in the performing arts).

I want to contact him to send my condolences, but I'm not sure how, and what to say. SHould I do it through his secretary? Please help me with this.

At first I thought he cancelled this show because of me and was terrified, but when I learned what happened I was "sobered".

I just wanted to add that I posted here before last January. My post was about how I had "scared" this man away by declaring my feelings of love to him. At that time I had no idea what was going on with his family. THis meeting had occured three weeks before the New Year

[Tony T]

Send him a card or note with something similar to the following. If he is married, his wife is in incredible grief and won't really care who you are. If she does, you simply work with him:

Dear XXXXX:

I was deeply saddened to learn of the death of your son. Your loss is one of the deepest and most tragic that a human can endure on this planet and I send you my most sincere condolences.

Life turns in many strange directions and often we cannot make sense of them. I do hope you will know the best tribute to your son will be to always celebrate his life and the joy he brought you when he was with you. Fortunately, his spirit will always remain by your side.

I can only try to imagine the pain you are going through. There is no greater loss. The thoughts of myself and all your other friends are with you during your time of greatest grief. Know that you are not going through this alone.

Your friend,

XXXXXXXXXXX

This should serve the purpose, give him some comfort, get you off the hook, etc. I hope you never have to write another note like this.

That's a beautiful letter! Thank you so much for writing it. I will certainly use parts of it in my letter.

Thank you most sincerely.

Another thing I found out which I didn't know though, was that the child had been severely handicapped from birth.

Anne