[MadESta]

I've read so many threads about people who have been cheated on but can't deal with the fact that he/she can't break up with the person that cheated on him/her. Well, in my case, I am no different.

My girl and I have been with each other for more than three years, just over two years since she cheated on me. At the time, we were deeply entreched in each other's noisy and passionate, but deeply disturbed and bitter love for one another.

To make a long story short, our relationship was rocky for about a month and then she cheated on me when she went with her best friend to a poop bar in Berkeley. A one night stand with a guy she knew from high school (the guy in the higher grade), though it didn't involve sex (so she says).

About a month later, things got better in the relationship (I started coming to my senses and started treating her better) and she confronted me about her cheating. I had to know everything and she told me everything along with how bad she felt and that it would never happen again. She remained adimant about showing me how much I meant to her.

Though I know she loves me and her, I can't forgive her for cheating on me. I have read many comments about how you should just let it go and if you love her just let the past be in the past. I have (however) had intentions (recently) for cheating on her, but the farthest I got was a kiss on the cheek. Anyway, I can't stop thinking about the B/S that she did with that guy (although 'sex' wasn't involved, touching of the private parts was) and it's hard for me to get that stuff out of my head even though it's been over two years.

Would anyone like to tell me what's up or how dumb I am for (either) staying with her or not forgiving her or attempting to cheat back?

[hyakku]

First, sorry but you should have broken up with her when you found out about hte cheating.

Two. If its been bothering you for 2 years maybe you need to handle this part of your life differently, you obviously like her enough to stay with her for three years, but it was certainly foolish to stay with a woman who cheated on you a month into the relationship. Now you really just have to forget about it and just say to yourself, "I'm a better man now and back then it was just a fling. She isn't with anyone else now so I can just relax", and let it go.

[Spectre]

Originally Posted by MadESta

To make a long story short, our relationship was rocky for about a month and then she cheated on me when she went with her best friend to a poop bar in Berkeley. A one night stand with a guy she knew from high school (the guy in the higher grade), though it didn't involve sex (so she says).

Girls dont have one night "make out" stands, she's probably lying

She remained adimant about showing me how much I meant to her.

Yes, even while boning her little buddies from high school

Though I know she loves me

No offense, but since she cheated on you with some guy she used to hang out with, I doubt this is true.

I can't forgive her for cheating on me. I have read many comments about how you should just let it go and if you love her just let the past be in the past.

Ignore those people, they are retarded, they fall into the same category of people who think after you cheat on someone not telling your s/o is the right thing to do. You were the one wronged in the situation.

I have (however) had intentions (recently) for cheating on her, but the farthest I got was a kiss on the cheek.

Dont cheat on her until you break up, then she's the only trashy one

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about the B/S that she did with that guy (although 'sex' wasn't involved, touching of the private parts was) and it's hard for me to get that stuff out of my head even though it's been over two years. Would anyone like to tell me what's up or how dumb I am for (either) staying with her or not forgiving her or attempting to cheat back?

Most of the time when someone cheats, the relationship is doomed. Sometimes it takes time for this to be realized. You were hurt by what she did but your feelings for her clouded your better judgement. You may of not treated her perfect, but you didnt go out and cheat on her..which just wasnt right. Just sit and think: If this girl truly loved me, would she of done what she did? no. My advice would be to break up with her, it would be better than just staying with her but resenting her. Just tell her you tried to forgive her but past mistakes have caught up with her and you just cant deal with it. Some people really dont think of the long term effects cheating has

i'd also go as far as to say a cheater should just break up with whoever they cheated on, cuz if not theyre just dooming them to years of confusion and pain while trying to decide to stay or leave the relationship.

[Sal Paradise]

She's probably still hung up on this guy. You guys are young and she's already showing herself for the slut she is. My suggestion is to break up now. There are plenty of women out there for a nice guy like you. She will continue to cheat on you from time to time. Trust me on that. She will put you thru hell. Just be glad you're not married with kids. Get out now before she does some real damage.