The evil day approaches - "Valentines Day." If you are on strict NC I want to remind you of the following.
* Do not send her flowers.
* Do not call her.
* Do not email her.
* Do not IM her.
* Do not send her gifts of any kind (No chocloates, no Bears, etc.)
* Do not text/sms her.
NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND!
Do not make any attempt to contact her just because it's Valentine's Day. Chances are if she is seeing someone else it will backfire. On top of that you put yourself back at square one if she doesn't respond or worse, says something mean to you.
The point of being on NC is to heal yourself and show them you can get along fine without them. When you break NC you show them you're still pining after them.
If they try and make contact with you, please don't reply. You're busy. You have a life, things to do, friends to see and dates to make. You're doing great without them in your life.
*This message courtesy of someone who has been through all this crap before and knows the pitfalls of contacting an Ex that doesn't want you in her life. If you want to maintain your self-respect and dignity, do not break NC!*
__________________ ...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. - Balthazar The No Contact Guide
Ok.. I know that in some cases, contact on V-Day is very dangerous... and No.. you shouldn't do it if you can't bear to lose your self - dignity or whatever. BUT!!! What if you are so in love.. and you just want to do something for the heck of it... what if you've been so lonely without them.. and you can't stop thinking of them? Heck.. how come a text isn't allowed?? I believe it is different in all cases...listen to your heart, do what it says. I've never heard of anyone losing anything over listening to the way their heart leads. I think no contact sucks and it is just a stupid thing.. unless you both really want to get over each other... you shouldn't be afraid to share how you feel.
What if you're lonely without them, you ask? Well, ask yourself why you're not with them now. Was that your choice or his? (I'm assuming you're a gal.) Are you sure he's not trying to get over you? If so then why aren't you speaking now?
Go ahead and share how you feel with him. Come back and tell us how it goes. Tell us then that it's a "stupid thing."
A lot of us used to think EXACTLY as you now do. It's only with experience that you will realize that NC is a good idea on so many levels.
So please do it and be honest in telling us how it went. Good luck and I hope you will be the exception because for most of us, breaking NC, only makes us feel WORSE in the end, not better.
Ok.. I know that in some cases, contact on V-Day is very dangerous... and No.. you shouldn't do it if you can't bear to lose your self - dignity or whatever. BUT!!! What if you are so in love.. and you just want to do something for the heck of it... what if you've been so lonely without them.. and you can't stop thinking of them? Heck.. how come a text isn't allowed?? I believe it is different in all cases...listen to your heart, do what it says. I've never heard of anyone losing anything over listening to the way their heart leads. I think no contact sucks and it is just a stupid thing.. unless you both really want to get over each other... you shouldn't be afraid to share how you feel.
Every situation is different however I do believe that as human being, we all have the same urgue to break NC when that kind of days are arounds.
If you extend that concept to your ex, think he/she will have to face the big question too. Your strenght ?? you have the support of people at LS telling you what is the best thing to do, they don't. As a result, if they don't contact you, it only means 2 things :
1/ THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT U AS MUCH AS YOU DO.
2/ THEY ARE REALLY STRONG TO GO AGAINST WHAT THEY FEEL AND AT SOME POINT, THAT STRENGHT WILL FALL so just be patient and stick to NC.
Breaking NC on Valentine's day is a beautiful thing to do but it might damage you more than doing any good and the only person you should consider at this point in time is yourself. You will suffer by being silent that day but you will suffer even more by contacting him/her.
If you were the dumper -- go for it, but if they don't respond, try to keep yourself from thinking that they aren't responding because they are too busy out banging their new found love interest on this special night....
If you were the dumpee -- if you do it, accept the fact the dumper now knows you are desperate and lonely on v-day
Sorry... I'm a dark mood right now. I definitely recommend against it.
Notmakingsense, you made PERFECT sense. I'd rather be desperate and lonely on v-day than let someone who dumped me know that I'm desperate and lonely on v-day.
Of course that way of thinking wasn't always my way of thinking. No offense to anyone but when I was young and dumb I didn't know that the pain of rejection and the loss of pride was WAY worse than just being lonely and desperate. The loneliness and desperation was temporary whereas the pain from the rejection and the blow to my ego was much less temporary. It has a way of staying with you for awhile.
It's sort of a matter of it (NC) being the lesser of two evils. Pick your "poison." One is WAY worse than the other! No question about it. Love stinks sometimes. But when the RIGHT one comes along (as it FINALLY did for me 11 years ago) it's all worth it.
Notmakingsense, you made PERFECT sense. I'd rather be desperate and lonely on v-day than let someone who dumped me know that I'm desperate and lonely on v-day.
Yep..I agree...If you are not with somebody anymore...why would you ever think of sending flowers on valentines day? People say go with your heart......but I think you gotta use your head and think to yourself how you come across to an ex if you send her/him a gift..That is scary thinking...
Although I guess alot depends on how long you have been split up...but either way...dont send anything!
Make yourself a favour, dont send anything to your ex...
Instead, focus on finding someone else in the next 12 days who will deserve the bloody flowers !!!!
Cali-Guy has made incredible progress in his healing and this is fantastic advice. V-day is just another day. Its really manufactured by the media to kick-start shopping after the holidays. Its never been a difficult day for me and this year will be no exception. Listen to Cali-guy though. He is on top of his game right now.
regards
__________________
...It's not going to stop It's not going to stop It's not going to stop 'Til you wise up
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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