cheating??

netter · 1st February 2006, 1:44 PM

My best girl friend told me that my husband is always saying things to her sexually. I just thought he thought of her as a friend, I had no idea that he was saying these things to her. He is usually drinking at the time of the comments. I have caught them a couple of times kissing but that is about all. I don't know what to think. He says he is sorry and wants to forget about all of it. I guess this has been happening for 14 years and I didn't see the signs. We don't have anything to do with this women but I still feel bad and really can't get over it. I have tried many times. What am I to do about my feelings?

incognito · 1st February 2006, 1:50 PM

I think what your husband meant to say is that he wants you to forget about it.

If things have ended and you still have unresolved feelings, I would suggest seeking a counsellor.

netter · 1st February 2006, 2:04 PM

I guess I have thought of seeing someone about my feelings. But can I trust him to go out again. He is just a big flirt. I guess emotional cheating is just as hard to get over. I thought we had a great marriage.

barfool · 1st February 2006, 2:40 PM

Emotional cheating? It thought you said that you caught them kissing a couple times...

morrigan · 1st February 2006, 3:00 PM

I think what your husband meant to say is that he wants you to forget about it.

Exactly. He needs to be honest about what exactly has been going on with this friend, who hasn't been one to you. Sweeping this under the rug works in his best interest.

But can I trust him to go out again. He is just a big flirt.

There is more that's been going on here than harmless flirting, at least with this woman.

You've caught them kissing on various occasions (alcohol isn't an excuse) and your friend now notifies you out of the blue about his advances. Why did she keep quiet about it so long and why would she continue to be around your husband if the attention was unwanted?

Demand you both go to a marital counselor. If he refuses to go and won't discuss what went on, you're going to have to make some hard decisions on your own. Keep your eyes wide open, because he's not going to change.

incognito · 1st February 2006, 3:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morrigan

You've caught them kissing on various occasions (alcohol isn't an excuse) and your friend now notifies you out of the blue about his advances. Why did she keep quiet about it so long and why would she continue to be around your husband if the attention was unwanted?

Good question. She is probably wanting you to know more about the affair/relationship in the hopes it will upset things between you and your husband i.e. she's probably been told repeatedly that he's going to leave you and she's tired of waiting for him to do it, so she'll do it herself.

netter · 2nd February 2006, 9:38 AM

I guess I was stupid not seeing the signs. But in my mind I didn't think a friend or a husband would do this for me. She told me that she hated my hubby talking to her like that. But she is a run- around on her husband so her word right now means nothing to me. Her marriage is rotten, and thought ours was great. My husband and I do most everything together. I do think she help this problem along.
We haven't seen her for a month now. But she acts like nothing ever happened. She is a sick person. I think my husband thought she loved to be flirted with so he made the point to do it. He was wrong also. But I have no trust in either one. How can I get my trust back???
He did take her home a couple years back and was gone for an hour which is only 5 min away. When I ask him about that he just says they were driving around because she didn't want to see her husband. She says she was scared to go in the house. Do I beleive that??? don't think so!!!! But how can I get the truth out. The people you think you can trust proves you wrong.

barfool · 2nd February 2006, 1:22 PM

Unfortunately you can't just automatically trust him again. I think you need to ditch this friend of yours that has been kissing you H behind your back and let your H know that he is never to see her again.

He or both of you need some counceling. He needs to figure out why he was doing those things in the first place. Was it the thrill? Is there something he is unhappy about in your marriage? Then he needs to reevaluate your relationship with each other. Is it something he is willing to work for? Because after losing your trust due to his cheating he will have to do a lot of work to prove that he is a good man for you.

netter · 2nd February 2006, 2:01 PM

Beleive me that is no contact with this woman again. He says he never wants to see her again and hasn't. She really lost a friend in me but I will never forgive her again. I have in the past but stupid me always did.
I think HE thought it was cool that another women looked at him that made him do it but it had to be with a person we were also with. He must have a big ego that she gave him. But she flirted back but said she didn't. What a lier!!! But I'm not perfect but I don't flirt with other men and am contented to be home. He just wants me not to bring it all the time. Guilty!!!
But I am trying to figure out why he did. i just want answers and he ignores the subject.
confused!!!!