Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I cheated on my girlfriend recently with someone who is now pregnant. I have no feelings whatsoever for this other girl and I truly do love my girlfriend. I have been in counseling since all has been discovered by everyone involved and I will continue to be in counseling for a long time to come. I have made some huge changes in my life which have helped me see that I wasn't a good person before and I don't ever want to behave like that again. I want nothing more than to have a chance to prove to my girlfriend that I truly do love her, I will never cheat on her again, and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to show her just how much I can love her. She is understandable struggling with decisions regarding this and she feels very hurt and angry and ashamed for still being around. I just want the chance to start over with her and work on this. How do I show her that I'm telling the truth now? How do I help with find some closure and put my past in the past? Thanks for your help.
She will never be convinced that you won't cheat again. You've done it once and best laugh is, you cheated with someone you supposedly didn't care about?? How does one cheat, with someone they don't care about? and risk a relationship/marriage in the process, with someone they supposedly do care about?? Beats me!!
Does this mean that you will cheat with 'any and every' woman who crosses your path in life, that you don't care about????
That is what I'd be thinking if I were in your gf's situation right now.
I've been in this situation, only in your gf's posistion and a few years back. A boyfriend of mine cheated on me and I found out. He also claimed that she had meant nothing to him. I decided to give him a second chance, main reason being because we had a daughter together and he'd also begged for me to go back to him, said he'd never ever cheat on me again, blah, blah, blah......
While I gave him a second chance, his cheating was something I never ever forgot. I put it to the back of my mind, we tried to carry on in the best way we could and to make things work again. We even went on to get married!! But ya know, it was always there that he had cheated, I lost total trust in him from that point.
And what do you know.......yep, he ended up cheating on me some years later, only this time around he cheated with someone he did care about and he left me for this woman. We are now divorced.
So if I was your gf, I likely wouldn't give you a second chance. Harsh, but I wouldn't.
Last edited by lilacmist; 30th January 2006 at 5:40 AM..
This thread has every possibility in being a lecture to the OP, so I will try to use as constructive criticism as possible.
OP: Yes, you have cheated on her and gotten someone else pregnant but if you both are williing to work through this then trust is giong to be something which you have to work through because she will understandably be completely distrusting of you.
There is no magical cure for her to start trust of you but I would suggest counselling, it is really the only way which you can get through this. Be aware though that alot of ugly feelings will come out, quite justly and you will have to be prepared to deal with everything truthfully
I wish you good luck
__________________
hard to believe you can't get what you dream
but if you try sometimes you might find
you get what you steal
It seems that you are doing the right thing by getting counseling and such. All you can do now is live your life being a better person and give her time to sort out her feelings. She may need some counseling as well to help her through this time, either with you or seperately. It will take a long, long time to gain her trust back, if you do at all. But if you love her you will continue working on yourself and on the relationship and hopefully things will turn out well.
Technology's answer to a need for a male chastity belt? There you go again, jen, with that incomparable wit!
Seriously, there really isn't anything you can do except what barflool says--be a trustworthy person, completely open with her about where you are, what you're doing, etc., until she comes to see for herself that you really have made the changes you say you have. Good for you for getting into therapy and staying the course.
It might be that couples therapy would be a good idea for you in order to see whether or not you really can work through these issues and move on together.
When the time is right, you might make good on that desire to forsake all others and be with her only til death do you part by asking her to marry you. But as lilac says, she may not want you now. That really will depend on your behavior and time.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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