but I've been lurking for some time, and have not seen any of you men or women talk about doing something straight out of anger as I did.
You might want to know that I'm ashamed of it.
My wife and I were having a difficult time. Not enough to cause a divorce, but difficult. I wasn't treating her right. She wasn't treating me right. Of course at the time I could only see that see wasn't treating me right.
This woman I knew was moving to be with her boyfriend. We didn't know each other particularly well. She asked me if it would be OK to e-mail me after she got settled in her new place. I was definitely not attracted to her and she was moving to live with her boyfriend. If my wife and I would have been OK, I wouldn't have agreed. Also, if I was attracted to this woman I wouldn't have agreed. But agree I did. I was angry with my wife and wanted to do something mean to her (but didn't want her to know I was doing it).
We wrote for a time, some number of months, that I don't even remember anymore. It was all casual, hi how are you type stuff. This wasn't what y'all seem to call an EA as there weren't any emotional stuff but my wife didn't know about it either. So maybe an unemotional affair (UA?)
I can't say I was working on my marriage, but I was sure that my wife and I would resolve our problems in time. I had no desire for another woman or a breakup of my marriage.
She (the OW) came back to my area for a visit, I can't remember now if it was business or pleasure or what, but asked me if we could get together. I said sure, no problem. So, we met. This woman made it clear that she wanted me. She quoted back e-mails I had sent and told me that this that or the other proved that I wanted her too.
I got P**SED. I had been thinking of this woman as a simple little friendship, no big deal, no pain, no problems. I had enough complications in my life, and certainly didn't need any more. So, I decided then and there (anger has always been a problem for me) to teach her a lesson that she'd never forget.
And so began an EA, at least on her part. I wrote her lie after lie after lie after lie. I led her to believe that my wife and I were on the brink of divorce. I let her believe anything and everything that I got the slightest hint that she wanted to believe. When she moved out of her boyfriend's house and wanted me to come visit I told her that my wife and I had patched things up and I wanted no further contact.
(My wife knows about this now. We almost did get a divorce when I told her what I'd done, but have managed to resolve things and are doing OK now. I have no idea about the OW.)
First of all, no one should jump you. You wrote here to get stuff off your chest; it's a good way to do it, because it's relatively anonymous.
I'm just not sure if you have a question though. Can you enlighten me? Or is this an exercise in venting? If it is, that's perfectly cool, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing something.
Yeah, that was mean, immature, coldhearted and all those other ugly things.
But:
- she had no business doing that to you
- you could have just told her than that you don't wanna have any further contact with her instead
- I hope you've learned your lesson
- I hope she's learned her lesson
- Congratulations on working out your marriage
The truth is I'm still angry at the b***h, and in some deep nefarious part of my soul I hope she's a member of this place, reads this post, recognizes herself and it destroys any possible vestige of doubt about what I did.
obviously I still need to work on that anger problem.
The truth is I'm still angry at the b***h, and in some deep nefarious part of my soul I hope she's a member of this place, reads this post, recognizes herself and it destroys any possible vestige of doubt about what I did.
obviously I still need to work on that anger problem.
Maybe I'm the only one who's missing out on what this woman did to make you so angry, but I don't get it. Or was it your wife that caused the anger for you to do this? I'm confused.
I'm glad you're working on those anger problems though, because what you did was downright mean and from what you've said, I can't see that she did anything to cause it other than wanting to be with you. That's no reason to string someone along and mess with their feelings when you could have been more adult about it and simply turned her down.
Really, I feel like I'm missing something here?
__________________ "It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not."
Maybe I'm the only one who's missing out on what this woman did to make you so angry, but I don't get it. Or was it your wife that caused the anger for you to do this? I'm confused.
I'm glad you're working on those anger problems though, because what you did was downright mean and from what you've said, I can't see that she did anything to cause it other than wanting to be with you. That's no reason to string someone along and mess with their feelings when you could have been more adult about it and simply turned her down.
Really, I feel like I'm missing something here?
I don't think you are missing anything. The thing is that he is aware of his wrong doings and is ONLY venting. As mean as it was, I find his story amusing. Perhaps of the way he wrote it.
I felt tricked. She took my friendship (which I was already feeling guilty about) and twisted it into something I had never intended or wanted, and then tried to make it seem like it was coming from me. She attempted to manipulate me. Not something I react well to.
I've been reading all these posts from women about how married men chase them and manipulate them. It's not a unidirectional problem. Women are class A manipulators.
I felt tricked. She took my friendship (which I was already feeling guilty about) and twisted it into something I had never intended or wanted, and then tried to make it seem like it was coming from me. She attempted to manipulate me. Not something I react well to.
I've been reading all these posts from women about how married men chase them and manipulate them. It's not a unidirectional problem. Women are class A manipulators.
but I've been lurking for some time, and have not seen any of you men or women talk about doing something straight out of anger as I did.
You might want to know that I'm ashamed of it.
My wife and I were having a difficult time. Not enough to cause a divorce, but difficult. I wasn't treating her right. She wasn't treating me right. Of course at the time I could only see that see wasn't treating me right.
This woman I knew was moving to be with her boyfriend. We didn't know each other particularly well. She asked me if it would be OK to e-mail me after she got settled in her new place. I was definitely not attracted to her and she was moving to live with her boyfriend. If my wife and I would have been OK, I wouldn't have agreed. Also, if I was attracted to this woman I wouldn't have agreed. But agree I did. I was angry with my wife and wanted to do something mean to her (but didn't want her to know I was doing it).
We wrote for a time, some number of months, that I don't even remember anymore. It was all casual, hi how are you type stuff. This wasn't what y'all seem to call an EA as there weren't any emotional stuff but my wife didn't know about it either. So maybe an unemotional affair (UA?)
I can't say I was working on my marriage, but I was sure that my wife and I would resolve our problems in time. I had no desire for another woman or a breakup of my marriage.
She (the OW) came back to my area for a visit, I can't remember now if it was business or pleasure or what, but asked me if we could get together. I said sure, no problem. So, we met. This woman made it clear that she wanted me. She quoted back e-mails I had sent and told me that this that or the other proved that I wanted her too.
I got P**SED. I had been thinking of this woman as a simple little friendship, no big deal, no pain, no problems. I had enough complications in my life, and certainly didn't need any more. So, I decided then and there (anger has always been a problem for me) to teach her a lesson that she'd never forget.
And so began an EA, at least on her part. I wrote her lie after lie after lie after lie. I led her to believe that my wife and I were on the brink of divorce. I let her believe anything and everything that I got the slightest hint that she wanted to believe. When she moved out of her boyfriend's house and wanted me to come visit I told her that my wife and I had patched things up and I wanted no further contact.
(My wife knows about this now. We almost did get a divorce when I told her what I'd done, but have managed to resolve things and are doing OK now. I have no idea about the OW.)
(I'm also working on my anger problems.)
Oh don't give me that crap that it's HER fault. You are very much to blame and should be ashamed at yourself for leading her on. Read what you wrote. You outright LIED to her about your feelings ... you lied and you lied and you lied to her. Isn't that just great? And you blame HER? For what? No one gets manipulated unless they want to and I think it was a big ego boost for you that someone found you attractive and likable. In reality, you led her on and was a downright skunk to her. And the way you finished it? What a guy....she finds out you lied to her all that time and you dump her.
If you wanted to be a decent guy, you should never have had to "teach her a lesson". You should of nipped it in the bud and said "I'm not into having an affair with you.".
Yes, you have an anger problem is right. And turn around is fair play. Remember, what comes around goes around. Wouldn't you just love to be treated like the way you treated her?
but I've been lurking for some time, and have not seen any of you men or women talk about doing something straight out of anger as I did.
You might want to know that I'm ashamed of it.
My wife and I were having a difficult time. Not enough to cause a divorce, but difficult. I wasn't treating her right. She wasn't treating me right. Of course at the time I could only see that see wasn't treating me right.
This woman I knew was moving to be with her boyfriend. We didn't know each other particularly well. She asked me if it would be OK to e-mail me after she got settled in her new place. I was definitely not attracted to her and she was moving to live with her boyfriend. If my wife and I would have been OK, I wouldn't have agreed. Also, if I was attracted to this woman I wouldn't have agreed. But agree I did. I was angry with my wife and wanted to do something mean to her (but didn't want her to know I was doing it).
We wrote for a time, some number of months, that I don't even remember anymore. It was all casual, hi how are you type stuff. This wasn't what y'all seem to call an EA as there weren't any emotional stuff but my wife didn't know about it either. So maybe an unemotional affair (UA?)
I can't say I was working on my marriage, but I was sure that my wife and I would resolve our problems in time. I had no desire for another woman or a breakup of my marriage.
She (the OW) came back to my area for a visit, I can't remember now if it was business or pleasure or what, but asked me if we could get together. I said sure, no problem. So, we met. This woman made it clear that she wanted me. She quoted back e-mails I had sent and told me that this that or the other proved that I wanted her too.
I got P**SED. I had been thinking of this woman as a simple little friendship, no big deal, no pain, no problems. I had enough complications in my life, and certainly didn't need any more. So, I decided then and there (anger has always been a problem for me) to teach her a lesson that she'd never forget.
And so began an EA, at least on her part. I wrote her lie after lie after lie after lie. I led her to believe that my wife and I were on the brink of divorce. I let her believe anything and everything that I got the slightest hint that she wanted to believe. When she moved out of her boyfriend's house and wanted me to come visit I told her that my wife and I had patched things up and I wanted no further contact.
(My wife knows about this now. We almost did get a divorce when I told her what I'd done, but have managed to resolve things and are doing OK now. I have no idea about the OW.)
(I'm also working on my anger problems.)
Good to hear you're working on your anger problems
To be honest, I'm quite gobsmacked by your story - it's pretty tragic that you wasted so much energy and time on such a pathetic, pointless and downright WEIRD game instead of trying to work on your marriage - and then had to hurt your wife even more by telling her all about it - personally I'd have walked straight out of your marriage. I hope you appreciate your wife sticking around now as I'd have found your behaviour just plain creepy to say the least!!!!!! Uuuugh - makes me shudder........
Last edited by No Stress Lady; 15th March 2006 at 1:07 PM..
I, too, am quite creeped out. That's a very psychotic game to play. Anyone who spends THAT much time and energy trying to exact revenge for some slight, imagined or real, seems unstable to me.
Bullhunter, why did you see this woman if it was so clear she wanted you and if you didn't want her? Why play games? Its cruel and creepy. Most of all, its shows signs of immaturity. You are responsible for your actions, not the OW or your wife. You seem to be laying blame on others but not taking a whole lot of responsibility. That's just what I observe.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
