[Zeppelin456]

Okay, I feel the need to vent my situation here, since I'm tired of burdening friends with my **** day in and day out. I am a freshman at school in New York City and aside from dealing with the adjustments that come with leaving the nest and going to college, I'm dealing with a whole new problem.

You see, I went to school with the intentions of staying together with my high school girlfriend, who I'd been dating for two years. We were not completely naive, we realized these things rarely work out, but we couldn't, in good faith, end the relationship at the high point that it was at when school started this year (we had just driven cross country with two other friends over the summer, and spent pretty much every day and night together). Our relationship did decently at school, she goes to school about a 30 minute train ride out of the city, so it wasn't hard to meet up. Seeing her made me feel good, but I was definitely ignoring my social life here at my school and she was sacrificing things at her school. I think this is partially what led to our demise.

At the beginning of December, she started to make more friends and then one night, told me that she felt suffocated and wanted more space, but that she definitely didn't want to break up with me. To hear this from her threw me for a loop; we always had just tried to spend as much time together as possible. I like to think of us as having had an extremely healthy relationship, but maybe it was so healthy that it kinda became unhealthy. We were always really exclusive, always making decisions together, spending as much time as possible. To hear her say she wanted...space? I freaked and went through a really tough time in the week and a half leading up to Winter Break. Going home for Winter Break, I thought, would be good for us both but alas, on the second night home, we had a terrible night and I confronted her in the car and she told me that maybe it would be best if we "took a break." So my vacation became this awful awful time, in which friends were torn between us, and in which I had what felt like a nervous breakdown every day. We maintained contact because I was still in love with her and was obsessed with the idea that we really should be friends. Vacation ended and she said that when we went back to school, everything would be better and we really could be friends. Well folks, I've been back for two weeks now and I'm still in a funk. I still obsess over her, even when I think she doesn't truly care for me that much anymore. The signals are mixed and weird though, as would be expected. She tells me she's not attracted to me sexually or romantically anymore, but is still attracted to me in other ways, in the ways that we talk together and sorta understand each other. I would tend to believe this, but since we split, she's undergone some major changes. I was always in love with her because she was beautiful without putting in any effort; she didn't do her hair or makeup very often. Now, she tells me how she puts much more effort in and gets more attention from boys and I just want to be like "What the **** is wrong with you? Why are you telling me this?"

This long drawn out story leads me to why I'm here. I'm asking your advice. I think this person, regardless of whether I am in a romantic relationship, is a really great ****ing person. Even though she's dumped me, I still think so. I know that we have the capability to really be on the same wavelength, as she's said, but recently when we talk, it's just not there. My question is, do I cut it off? I know you're all going to say I should, but tell me why? I've brought up the possibility of just not speaking for a little while, because I feel like I'm only continuing to hurt myself at this point. Most of the times we talk, I feel sad afterwards. At the very beginning of second semester, none of her friends had arrived at school yet and she talked to me alot and told me how she missed me and such, but since her social life has gotten back in gear again (and she certainly likes to tell me that, even as I'm struggling), I've felt pretty unnecesary again. She's coming into the city on my birthday in a few days to take me out to breakfast, which is sweet because it's something we've always liked to do and she talked about the possibility of staying over so we could get to breakfast nice and early, which I'm fine with. I offered her the couch, she said "No way, I'm sleeping in your bed. It won't be weird." I just don't get it. We decided that we'd talk about breaking contact when she's here for my birthday and I'm just not sure what to do. Will I ruin any chances of me being a part of this person's life if I try to go a month or two without talking to her? Then again, I am getting sick and tired of being depressed at various intervals of the day. Everyday is still like a minefield for me, and it's been over a month now. I need to get better. Help me.