[pinksparkle]

It's been 4 months since my break-up. My ex and I have kept contact with each other. During the months till now we have gone through this phase where we talk, sleep together, and try to pretend like things are okay. I transferred schools to be with him, and am not where he is. It is so hard to go on with my day knowing that he is here. I was with him last weekend. He told me he missed hanging out with me, like we did when we were dating. Every night he would have an away message that was from a song that he had put on a CD for me. Songs that have meaning to both of us.

I am hurting so much. I just want to be with him, but I am beginning to think that it will never happen. I want all the hurt to go away.

I feel empty inside. I miss how I used to feel. So full of life and energy. I guess only time will help the pain. I'm thinking about blocking him on my AIM buddy list. I haven't decided yet. I just know that I hate how I feel, and I want the old me back.

[notmakingsense]

You may have read enough posts here by now to gather that the most common advice given here is to break off contact with your ex. This will allow you to get through your hurt faster, as thoughts of him leave you over time.

In other words, if you broke up -- really break up. Stop using sporadic contact as a way to keep hope alive. He needs to completely miss you, and you need to be in a mindset that considers all of it really over.

Once you get through the unbelievable pain associated with treating this as completely over, things will start to feel better, and you will find someone that is much better for you.

[brooke7777]

I know how you feel...because I feel the same exact way. And boy does it suck! I have a few questions for you though. Have you guys talked about things since the break up? When you hang out does he say that he wants to try again or is it kind of an unspoken thing?

I know everyone says NC is the way to go and I think it does help, but I'm not the best at it. My ex and I have remained in contact too. I don't think I can do NC...I've done it for a couple weeks at a time, but I always end up giving in or answering his calls. We have not slept together since we've broken up and I think that may be messing with your emotions a little bit. I's sure it brings back memories and gives you hope that you will reconcile. Honestly, I would have a big sit Find out if he legitly wants to try to make things work or is he just stringing you along. Good luck.

[pinksparkle]

When I saw him last weekend, everything was fine. I went back with everyone else to his place where we all played beer pong. I was on a team with his friend Ben. Ben and I started talking and played all our games together. Later that night, Ben and I were singing sing a long songs with a whole group of friends, our heads together. My ex, watching this, decided to sing along with everyone, watching me when he thought I wasnt looking.

I got up to get my lip gloss and he came up to me. I also realized that I had a text message from this guy I have been talking to. My ex, seeing that I am writing back, started to ask questions. I answered, but was still vague. He then said he wanted to talk in his room, so I said ok. In his room, he said that he missed hanging out with me. I told him that he didnt have to break up with me and he responded with, I know but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I am so confused with that statement.

He said he wanted to kiss me, and I said its not a good idea. He did it anyway, and I pushed him away because it's not right. He replied with, I know its not right, but it feels right. My ex isn't your typical guy. He doesn't sleep around. He has to be in love with the person he sleeps with, which doesnt make sense to me because he says he doesnt love me anymore.

It's been a week since this happened. We haven't really talked since. I am so confused.

[riobikini]

RE:

PinkSparkle: " I am hurting so much. I just want to be with him, but I am beginning to think that it will never happen. I want all the hurt to go away.

I feel empty inside. I miss how I used to feel. So full of life and energy...I just know that I hate how I feel, and I want the old me back."

PinkSparkle,

I encourage you to read my reply to another poster here, just recently.

You are both dealing with similar issues and questions, although she has moved on into another phase of emotions, making the links at the bottom inapplicable to your situation at the moment.

Here it is:


NMS,

I know.

And yet, your mind will eventually fight for -and win- it's right to rationalize the decisions made by your heart and judge the true quality of your life.

(That's it's job.)

It's decision will be for your future well-being, -not necessarily what you believe will make you happiest.

Depending upon how deeply you remain mired in that belief, it may have to judge rather harshly, shaking up your world, calling you to the carpet, and making you face specific key truths about your relationship, -whether it was, or can be again, a positive influence in your life, -or whether you are only glorifying the past as well as attempting to give CPR to something that had never breathed life in the first place, at least, in regards to your partner's feeling towards you in a 'now' sense.

Your mind and heart will each argue their strongest points, but you can be quite sure that, if you have a healthy mind to begin with, it's going to lead you to this stark, pointed question:

"How happy are you right now, -at this very moment?"

If you have to answer in the negative, your heart will immediately be alarmed and automatically, desperately, offer up the mangled love from the relationship which will only fall short of giving you the happiness you deserve.

Your mind will have made the right decision, tho, -the answer it gave you when you had to answer in the negative will temper all your future beliefs and thoughts about the relationship and will begin to slowly change how you view all the details, past and present.

And that clears the way for for a better future.

In other words, -all the rubbish gets labeled for what it truly is, is solemnly hauled away, and the valuable experience is stored only for reference in dealing with any similar future problems, -either yours, or someone elses.

That's one picture of how the recovery process of a broken heart works.

It is a very important and time-consuming, bitter debate between your heart and your mind, specifically with your well-being as the focus.

And nearly everyone goes through a similar process.

They survive it, and live again to love again.

To live and love with quality is the purpose for our existance.

I hope this has helped you in understanding your own agonizing battle to recovery.

I am leaving some links below that take you through some of the emotional debate that I, personally, have experienced throughout my own realization.

The content of the links have to do with the anger produced from my realization of what the relationship really was based on, as well as other irrational random thoughts and excruciating emotions.

Those feelings will seem silly someday, and fade into insignificance, but during the debate between your heart and mind, they are raw and intense, and very significant.

These links may be worth the read, just so you know you are not alone, and that someone has been there before.

Hugs to you, -and take care.

It will get better, -promise.(Smile)

Yours,
-Rio

Here they are:


http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...6&postcount=43

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...3&postcount=81

[In Sync]

Originally Posted by pinksparkle

It's been 4 months since my break-up. My ex and I have kept contact with each other. During the months till now we have gone through this phase where we talk, sleep together, and try to pretend like things are okay. I transferred schools to be with him, and am not where he is. It is so hard to go on with my day knowing that he is here. I was with him last weekend. He told me he missed hanging out with me, like we did when we were dating. Every night he would have an away message that was from a song that he had put on a CD for me. Songs that have meaning to both of us.

I am hurting so much. I just want to be with him, but I am beginning to think that it will never happen. I want all the hurt to go away.

I feel empty inside. I miss how I used to feel. So full of life and energy. I guess only time will help the pain. I'm thinking about blocking him on my AIM buddy list. I haven't decided yet. I just know that I hate how I feel, and I want the old me back.

I think you know the answer to your own doubts....Maybe NC is tough to do, but there's a reason for it. It's to remove yourself from all this state of confusion that a breakup and maintaining contact can lead to. It goes without saying that you miss the type of relationship you had with your bf, but as you have referred to him as your ex, that signifies that relationship has altered.
It is apparent from what you have described that maintaining contact is leaving you anything but feeling good. You are indeed prolonging something that is already painful to deal with. If you both want to be together then be honest have a real talk and BE together. But if you two are ex's, why keep yourself in this limbo. The relationship has to be worked on together, it won't fix itself just by hanging out and pretending things are like they were when clearly for you it's not. Is it a good idea to be in front of him texting other guys, hmmm, well it seems an odd thing and what happens if he starts doing that with you and starts texting another girl in front of you. Why put yourself in this situation...seems unnecessarily hurtful. Decide what you really want, and think if this is the best situation for you to be in.