[Smoothchik]

My S.O. of 2.5 yrs and I have been fighting more and more over these past few months...in this time, we hwve moved to a new town at my request, which forced him to quit his job and find new employment. We used to travel on the road for a living, and we were having troubles financially, and all the moving was wearing on me. We moved to a town to try the "stationary thing" in September, and he has yet to find a full time job (he works part-time for about 15 hrs on the weekends). I have tried and tried to encourage him to get a job, as we were/are having major money problems.

On top of all of this, or mabey because of this, I have fallen into clinical depression. It took and ultimadium from me - either get another job or I leave, to get him to look for a job. That was three days ago. Now, I am having problems trusting him - trusting what he has to say. Our fights have become so ugly, he is unsure if we are right for each other. On top of this, he says he cant hande my mood swings, and in some ways he says he believes I am acting depressed on purpose to see "how far he will go". I am home sick, and need to visit my family regardless. He is hurt that I said I would need to go home, and he feels betrayed that he got a job and I am still unsure and angry. Im having a hard time letting go of the hurt of asking for his help for so long and being ignored. Everything is so messed up....

At any rate..it has come to this...I am packing up all my stuff and leaving to go home to my hometown for an indefinate period of time on Monday...The plane ticket is already bought....He says he doesnt want to live with me right now - he needs to take care of himself...but I was the one to ask for the break...he said two days ago this was the exact opposit of what he wanted, but now I have conviced him otherwise...a week ago he told me he was afraid i would leave him...mabey I made a mistake...mabey I am the one who was wrong....

I am so confused...the more I tell him I would reconsider to only visit for a few weeks and then come back to work things out, the more he wants me to go...I think i screwed everything up....

What do i do??? I am so confused....we both love each other very much....but our relationship isnt working right now...and i dont know what i should do to fix it...he is afraid it is too far gone because i made the mistake of saying that yesterdsy...but i am confused and i say things befre thinking about them....

help.....